10/28/09

yeah so ive beens ucking lately and fauling miserable ugh i know im horrible im back up to 100 lbs ew its gross i know and i hate it i gotta get my control back no matter what i cant just eat to eat only eat when i have to ugh

so i had blood work done 2day it was for my cholestrol im just praying they cant detect nething that involes ana in it cause i got enough ppl watching me i dont need ne more but i go to the docs on wed to find out the results so i gotta a week :)

hopefully i can lose weight b4 then i can trick the scale pretty easily i just wanna get to my first gw already like who though getting to 95 lbs would b so damn hard god damnit ugh

but neway im done ranting now i think lol

10/23/09

so after i posted the blog last nite i kinda fucked up and ate like 800 more cals i know i suck nand im worthless and fat and huge and just everything ugh i suck i hate it

and today is force feed dani friday the force feeding starts at dinner time im so not loking forward to it ugh wtf

so far today i had half an apple(25) and jello(80)

i also wrote new rules but i dont have time to post them rightnow i will post them later ths wkd though

10/22/09

breakfast
skipped

lunch
2 bubbillion cubes- 10 cals
3 oz veggies- 25 cals

snacks( spread out thru out the day)
ice cream cone- 140 cals
1/2 cup popcorn- 12 cals
1 saltine- 12 cals

dinner
lime jello- 40 cals
4 pieces of candy corn- 32 cals
7 jelly beans- 28 cals

drinks
5 bottles of water- 0 cals

total cals consumed- 299 cals

exercise
9,371 steps taken- 240 cals burned
i also had my li cousing today so we played for a while so the total cals i burned isnt accurate cause i havent figured out how many cals i burned playing with her

10/20/09

so i had a mia moment last nite fyi purging pizza is gross and im never doing that again ew but neway today was liquid fasting day i did really good im proud of myself

drinks
3 bottles of water-0 cals
4 cups coffe (one with normal sugar thank my boss for that)- 25 cals
mango mini protein shake- 300 cals

total cals consumed0 325

exercise
7,562 steps taken- 190 cals burned
65 minutes walking on tready hill workout- 242 cals burned

total cals burned- 432 cals burned

10/19/09

breakfast
fruit mix(grapes, pinapple, cantalope, honeydew)- 75 cals
8 pieces of candy corn- 80 cals

lunch
fruit mix( grapes, cantalope, honeydew,apple)-100
1 piece candy corn and 2 jelly beans- 8 cals

snack
1 cup popcorn- 35 cals

dinner
noodles- 200 cals
3 oz veggies( broccolli, carrots, calliflowe)- 25

drinks
3 pints water- 0 cals
2 cups black coffee- 0 cals
enviga- 5 cals

total cals consumed- 528 cals

exercise
over 12,000 steps taken- 322 cals burned
65 mins on elly- 522 cals burned
65 mins on bike-395 cals burned
30 mins walking on treadmill- 97 cals burned

total cals burned- 1,336

ok i watched oth tonite god it was so good i love that show now im off to do crunches and watch gossip girl even though im so confused casue i didnt watch the hole second season but its :)

10/15/09

breakfast
apple w/ cinnamon and caramel- 65 cals

lunch
jello- 80 cals

dinner
chicken broth- 20 cals
3 oz of veggies- 25 cals

drinks
4 bottles of water- 0 cals
enviga( cal burning drink)-5 cals

total cals consumed- 195

exercise
8,802 steps taken- 221 cals burned
65 minutes elly- 501 cals burned
45 minutes ike- 301 cals burned

total cals burned- 1,023

today was a very good day im proud of myself. iv ebeen freezing all day the damn temp here was like a high of 38 degress insane i know. it snowed a lil too well it was more likea rain snow mix but still its only october wow. well im off to do my crunches and try to get warm

10/13/09

o i decided that i needed to fast today :) so i have had no food none what so ever im feeling sick though so i think a cold is coming damn ugh i hate being sick it always makes me eat more when im sick hate it

so i had 3 cups of coffee today adn 2 bottles of water so far going good :)

10/12/09

so i had a major breakdown this wkd like really bad i have so many cuts its insane i didnt even realize that i cut that much but both my arms are totally fucked up with cuts and my upper right thigh is even worse and still bleeding a lil. but i had a fight with my boyfriend he practically told me i wasnt pretty and not good enough then ihad a fight with my friend just a horrible wkd godi was doing so good not cutting well that all ended now

food
breakfast
slimfast meal bar cookie dough- 220 cals

lunch
apple- 80 cals

dinner
soup- 120 cals
18 jelly beans- 72 cals

drinks
bottle and half of water- 0 cals
2 cups black coffee- 0 cals
enviga drink(cal burning)- 5 cals

total cals consumed- 497

exercise
8.860 steps taken- 226 cals burned
65 mins on elly- 497 cals burned
45 min on bike- 286 cals burned

total cals burned- 1,009 cals burned

i won b able to go to the gym tomm which sucks ugh so ima only eat 300 cals tomma nd walk and clean at work as much as i can

well im off to finish watching one tree hill( love that show) then gonna listen to the new paramore cd again( if u havent heard it buy itnow amaizng) and then do crunches

i should clean my cut again get them to stop bleeding

10/10/09

so today was going really good and then i ended up [ruging i cant tell u what the cal intake i am at cause i dont remember what i ate b4 i purge i know breakfast was apple w/caramel(100) cals
but i dint purge that up i purged my lunch i know i had broccolli, crackers and cheese i just dont know how much of each i had but i purged it up trust me all of that is out cause i ended up spitting blood at the end so its all gone yay now ijust wish that my puffy eyes would go down already i purged over 2 and half hours ago

well this is the exercise i have down so far
8,595 steps taken-216 cals burned
vaccummed car 8 minutes- 15 cals burned
cleaned car 2 hours- 275 cals burned

total cals burned so far- 506 cals

i still got tons of crunches to do and i gotta clean my room yet

10/6/09

food

breakfast
2 small apples with cinnamon- 50 cals

lunch
2 small apples with caramel- 100 cals

dinner(eating it now)
oatmeal- 120 cals
1 small apple- 25 cals

drinks
1 cup black coffee- 0 cals
1 20 fl oz bottle of water-0 cals
1 700 ml bottle of water- 0 cals

total cals consumed- 295 cals

exercise

8,595 steps taken- 213 cals burned
65 minutes on elly- 480 cals burned

total cals burned- 693 cals burned

time to do crunches when im done eating :)

goal weights

ok i know i havent been around for a few days but ive been busy, and weak, and passing out, and purging but u know it happens :) but here are my goal weights

GW1-95 lbs
GW2- 90 lbs
ima have to maintain 90lbs for a lil while just for i dont get like sent away or nething
GW3-85 lbs
GW4- 80 lbs
then maintain that for a while

my ultimate goal weight is 70 lbs and im determined to get there :)