2/9/10

god can some1 please make the itching stop its driving me nuts app im allergic to some food too ugh and i dontknow what one cause ive never been allergic to nething im so itchy and its annying and frustrating and it just hurts it itches so bad that it hurt. at lwast i haven an excuse to not eat alot now buut still i need to find out what im allergic too fo i can stop eating it all together bu ti cant go to the docs cause a) i dont have insurance b) it will cost way to much and c) my arm is so cut up he would notice and say soemthing fml

so app we could get up to 20 inches fo snow now which means ima b snowed in tomm whihc means i willg et bord and eat more ima try not to though and try to keep it really ehalthy

i neded up eating after i posted yesterday cause i just got so upset and i binged had a cheese sandwhcih, ice cream, sour gummies and choc i know i suck i gotta stop this binge starve pruge cycle that im on ijust wanna starve

food log:

breakfast
* choc poptart- 100 cals
* banana- 75 cals

lunch
* orange- 50 cals
* yogurt- 60 cals

dinner
* egg whit omellet with vegan cheese- 90 cals
* 2 slice whole wheat toast- 90 cals
* potato- 110 cals

snack(shouldnt of eaten it)
* ice cream- 140 cals
* nabisco 100 cal pack- 100 cals

drinks
* 3 bottles of water-0 cals
* mini diet coke- 0 cals
* hot tea- 0 cals
* diet snapple peach tea- 0 cals

i need to drink more water tonite b4 bed

total cals consumed- 815

exercise
* over 11, steps taken- 288 cals burned

total cals burned- 288

2/8/10

so app im allergice to latex or cholorine tablets cause my hand is extremely swollen an di cantmake a fist and i got the biggest spot of my hip its huge and red and itches. my mm made me call my uncle and have him come over and look at it he said its def an allergic reaaction and since i havent changed nething expect those 2 things he said its prob one of those. and that since i was born 3 months early that my body reacts to things differently then it would for a normal person ugh damn hand made me mis the gy this morning cause as soon as my mom say it she like freaked. i did alot of laundry today and made sure i walked around alot to make up for it

oo and guess what app we are gonna have a blizzard tomm ugh i like snow but i hate driving in it and if we get the 18 inches that we are suppose to get i wont b able to get to the gym wed god fml guess its gonna b alot f crunches this week and cleaning andnehting to burn cals

food log:

breakfast
*3/4 cup dry bran flakes-90 cals
*small banana- 75 cals

snack
*nectarine- 50 cals

lunch
*veggie chicken patty- 80 cals
*baked potato no skin- 110 cals
*1 slice pepperdige farm light whole wheat bread- 45 cals

dinner
*blackberry yogurt-60 cals
*orange- 50 cals
1/2 cup blueberies- 40 cals

drinks
* 2 bottles of water-0 cals
* 2 bottles of water with sugar free lemonade mix-0 cals
* diet peach snapple- 0 cals
* 1 monster low carb energy drink- 20 cals
* 1 cup soy light choc milk- 90 cals
* 2 bottles water with sugar free fruit punch mix(drinking now)-0 cals

total cals consumed- 710

exercise
* over 15,000 steps taken- 380 cals burned

total cals burned- 380

net cals= 330

thanx everyone for the pic comments u r the best buti still have along way to go til perfection

2/6/10

so ive been up seince 5am cause i was suppose to b at work by 8am but my aqua aerobics ladies cancelled adn then my boss said not to come in till 11 wich i think is still pusching it cause the weather is fucking bad like snow and shit yes im getting that snow storm that is hitting the north east like i like snow just not when i have todrive it in. im exhausted from being up but its almost 9am and nopoint in sleep now since i gotta b at work in 2 hours watch he'll like end up closing or soemthing ugh o well wait and c. so i ogt bored and took pics :) gona post them after im down bambling

so yesterday went good. had those drinks from the previous post and 2 more bottles of water
at 7pm had a small apple
at 9pm the boy decdied it was time for dinner so we went to friendlys(if u dont know what it is google it) i had:
* half a turkey club- has sour dough bread turkey, tomato, bacon and lil cheese on it. i never eat a hole sandwhich soi just had half of it
* my fries that came withmy sandwhich dipped them in bbq sauce
* then i had vanilla ice cream with strawberries and bananas blended in it

i dont know the cals because i need adobe to get their menu up and my computer doesnt have that but im ok since i didnt eat prior so im sure im fine

i haven eaten nething yet today just had one cup of hot choc(25) and im onmy first botttle of water (0)

ok pics time :) let me know what u think

2/5/10

so i endedup binging last nite like bad had:
* 5 choc chip cookies
*7 hersey kisses
* bag of 100 cal pretzels
* 3 rice cakes
*corn chips with cheese
* and a bagel

i didnt purge cause im tyring to stop that and if i give in i will keep purging i feel so fat today and i havent eaten to make up for it so far i have had:
* 3 bottles of plain water
* 2 bottles with wild berry promgranate mix sugar free
* iced mint mocha coffee

2/4/10

if u read my post from yesterday u can tell i wastn in a good place not a good place at all. im was depressed and just didnt know what to do nemore. i still dont know what to do but i do know that im not going to recover im trhow myself full force into my ed's and jsut let them take control i need control and was b thin so thin i cant wait

food log:

breakfast
*3/4 cup bran flakes- 90 cals
*2 hersehy kisses- 44 cals

lunch( my own creation)
*corn chips-150 cals
*baked potato-110 cals
* shredded cheddar cheese- 100 cals

i put the chips on the bottom then a lil cheese then the baked potat cut up no skin on top of that then a lil more cheese put it in the microwave til its melted and there ya go

dinner
*2 oranges- 100 cals

drinks
*mini diet coke- 0 cals
*4 bottls of plain water- 0 cals
* 2 bottles with sugar free fruit punch mix(drinking now)-0 cals

total cals consumed- 594

exercise
*65 min on elly- 496 cals burned
*7,777 steps taken- 195 cals burned

total cals burned- 691

2/3/10

do u ever have those days were u wonder if all of this is worth it if all the pain and suffering is worth it. well that day was today for me i was so depressed but i had my 2 lil cousins and they make me so happy so that helped me get thru the day. but i wasjust sitting there playing with them and wondering y am i doing this, y am i in so much pain, y do i let food run my life, y do i listen to the voices in my head, is all of this worth it. u know what i came up with yes of course it is wroth it u know y cause when th enumber on the scale goes down its the best feeling in the world. 2 c the weight come off and the bones come out more. i have to stop listening to my body and listen to my head cause the voices are always right fuck my body it doesnt need all that food it doesnt and ima stop giving in and iving it to it. i have to stop binging. i cant b nomral its either starve or binge there is no in between for me never has been never will b. so from now on its starve and exercise. i cant ocmpletley stop eating again cause fml my boyfreind is watching me an d knows all my tricks and shit so i gotta still eat. i ahve to start following that plan as well that i made up i cant just keep eating watever the fuck i want cause that is just not right and its making ana mad trust me i know my kindeys hurt my hand is swollen y idk but she is punishing me and i need to make her happy from now on.

i know today just sucked i ate like 1000 cals and i dont even wanna list what i ate so im not gonna im to ashamed but trust me tomm ima do way better and make myself and ana proud and im kicking mia out mr. razor can stay but mia ur out im tired of u

love u all stay strong and sorry for the rant

new plan

ok ive been such a fat ass lately and ive been binging for the past week and either purging or exercsising alot. i gotta stop purging htough its taking to hard of a toll on my body and everyone keeps telling me to stop purging so ima try my hardest to stop i hope i can. i cut yesterday and deep and its still ozing but not bleeding so thats good yeah i know i should sotp the cutting too but i cant i need it i need the relief and release that it gives me so yeah no im not stopping that and dont tell me i have to cause i wont listen

ok heres the plan:

breakfast
* 1 serving of dry cereal(app no milk)
* i serving of fruit

lunch
* is normal its gonna b my big meal of the day instead of doing the big meal at dinner. its gonna b healthy and of course im no comfortable eating alot of things so it wont b huge. i'll prob just go ot the store and get vegan lunch meat and cheese and low cal bread if i can find some and have a sandwhich some days

dinner
* 1 serving of non fat yogurt
* 1-2 servings of either fruit or veggies or a combo of both

drinks
*6-10 bottles of water a day
* diet snapple if wanted
* diet coke if wanted

i usually just drink lots of water with 0 cal sugar free drink mix in it

fridays weill b different cause its date nite with the boy so fridays i will eat very lil during the day then have a coffee after work then a normal dinner with him

sat and sun gonna try and stick to the paln but that all depends on my work schedule

exercise(gonna stay the same)
* try and get to the gym 3-4 times a week for 65 min of cardio
* crunches every nite

cal wise i wanna stay under 800 under 600 would b even better

love u all