10/7/10

yeah so the hole liquid fast thing didnt go as planned i should of knonw that since i can never really fast nemore i swear im in a lose lose situation i get sick when i fast and i get sick when i eat so either way im sick but yeah.the fast was going well i had a cup of tea in the moirning and then i went with my mom running around got home arounf noon and showered then had a voicemall about a job interview so i had to eat lunch so i did an di just ate dinner just for i dont binge later but hey i got a partial fast in so thats something

well today i wanted to go to the grocery store and after my mom gave me a hard time about not having money and me saying that i cant eat ur good nemore its killin gmy stomach she gave in. i was gonna drive myself but she said that i would lose my parking spot outfront so she said she would take me. so we went tot he bank and 2 different grocery stores for i could find what i needed



at shoprite got

*3 pears

*bunch of bananas

*bag of frozen asparagus

*2 bags forxen green beans

*2 bags frozen brocolli

*box of low sugar maple and brown sugar oatmeal

*loaf od pepperdige far light extra fiber wheat bread(40 cals per slice)


2nd store stop and shop

*2 boxs v8 soup-tomoato herb, brocolli

*can low sodium chicken noodle soup

*can chickne and rice soup

*can cream of celery soup

all pretty much low cal more sodoium then i wanted but i dont really have a choice iwill just have to cut my sodium down in everything else cause i do like my soup espeically since its getting colder

so my job interview today was for this season job at the mall this kitchen sometihng store idk the exact name but they want to b permenmant there as well so yeah idk. the laady was nice and shes like ur doen with school im like yeah im def done with shcool shes like u look so young im like im 24 shes like o. the problem is its retail which i hate and she said its businnes casual so i cant wear sneakers. its gonna b hell fo rme beginning on my feet all day in dressy shoes i got knee and back issues. she also said my earrings might b a problem. but she said that she really liked me but she didnt make the final decision. but if i get a final interview they will go over all the policies that if its just seasonal my earrings might b ok. i told her i want $8.25 an hour i cant really make ne less then that so we will c.

i also go ta call today from a temp agency i applied at they do temp jobs and temp to hire jobs and all that. the lady i talked to was extermely nice over the phone. i told her that ih ad an interview today and apossible full time job in the works. so she said she would take my info put me in the comptuer and if for some reasons those jobs dont work out i can call them and they can help me find a job. she asked y i wasnt at my former job and i told her y and shes like well that sucks after 4 years thats suck. so yeah i really liked her and she was really nice

i find it funny that im like dieing inside but i can fake confidence and happiness so well its crazy its like i flip a switch im comletly depressed and down and hating myself and then as soon as im in an interview or something its like time to fake pull the switch and im happy go lucky confident person which is nuttin how i really am

i didnt exercise today and i fill like a fat ass blimp i def gotta get mysuelf to the gym tomm as much as idont wanna b around ppl i gotta go tomm

after my job interview i went to walmart i hate walmart but they have a better diet pill selection then target. i just wanted to get some cleanse pills or fulsh pills target doeant have those so i got

*flinestone sour gummy vitamins

*fiber gummies

*diruetics

*flush the fat internal flush

*tic tacs

the flush the fat is u take 3-6 pills every nite b4 bed so i will keep u guys updated on how they work

i hope they help withe the bloating cause no matter what i eat im so bloated even more with the dairy its like my sotmach cant handle nething nemore



food log
breakfast
*caffeine free orange hot tea

lunch
*blueberry bagel-250
*cup tomato herb soup-90

snack
*skittles-170

dinner
*noodles-210
*2 slices light wheat bread-80

drinks
*2 liters of water


ash- i would go get a fullu workup i jsut cant right now no insurance no job no money but mom did say that as soon as i get insurance im going to the docs and getting my stomach checked

skinney_el-thanx hunny im hanign in the best i can

10/6/10

so just a quick post i just woke up from my nap i had to sleep off the after affects of the vicidion i took it made me so nasouses u have no idea

but neway my room is fianlly all down thank go di dont think i can take much more lifitng i worked from 9am-1pm the only one downside to it is my food box is upstairs now instead of downstairs but tis ok i can exercise control and not open it alot.
but im happy my room is down and its organzied a lil cluttered cause hey really my room is small but its organized and i know were everything is so yay for that
i also vaccumed it and the hallway and washed and put back on my sheets adn comforter.

im not even gonnapost what i ate today i dont even wanna think about it cause a) it was alot 2) it was so painful and c)ima do better tomm

so the plan for tomm is a semi liquid fast since i cant do a full one cause of my heart but im allowing: water, tea, hot choc, chicken broth, tomato soup, normal soup(only ifi really need it) and applesauce(last last resort), o and of course fuze ddrinks found them in my food box ha

im still too sore to go tot he gym so im thinking a nice walk tomm. its not suppose to rain for once but tis suppose to b chilly and windy but if its not to bad i wanna go for a walk up tot he bank i found $10 yesterday and i need to depoist that for it can go towards by bills.
and im half tempted to bring my credit card with me and stop at right aide and get some cleanse pills we will c though.

and i also wanna take my card and go tot he grocery store cause i cant eatmy moms food nemore it hurts way to much and my stomach is constantly bloated and hurting and i just cant do it nemore.

i just wanna get some oatmeal(maple and brown sugar kind), peppridge far light bread, some fruit and im on a mission to find low sodium soup. and i dont mean the kind that is like 400 mg of sodium i mean like 100-200 mg.
its getting colder here and when its colder i want soup and oatmeal but i relaly have to watch my sodium intake so soup is hard but i will figure it out

but according tot he american heart assocaition a healthy normal person is suppose to eat 2300 mg of sodium a day and since im suppose to b wathcing my sodium and im on a low sodium low cholestrol diet im thinking i should eat even less then that

ash- i know skittles are amazing o so yummy but o do they hurt my stomach
ana-thanx and yeah im 5'5 so thats y my bmi is that low
ce- u will get back tot hat i know u and i know u will
mich-we def will hit double digits together an dive had enough cleaning ha so much work in those 2 days

10/5/10

so CE asked and im sure the rest of u are wondering too about my stats sorry i havent posted them ive been scared to step ont he scale but i finally did i didnt measure though just scale. so im 100 lbs bmi 16.6
i want double digits really soon and they better come soon

wow guys i am tired. i worked on my room from 10am-615pm and im still not done i sitll have a few more things to do. but damn was it alot of worked that involved carrying 4 bins of clothes upstairs. and moivng my bins in the hallway into my room.
the first thing i did wa smy clothes i took thema ll out and seperated them into dressy clothes, long seeve shirts, short sleeve shirts, graphic tees, and tanks. then i seperated each of them into colors. yes im crazy and i have ocd and i color coded my clohtes so my closet is nice and organzied now. it goes from dressy to long sleeve shites. to tees to tanks. and each lil section is color colded from dark to light. i put my graphic tees, my sweaters, and all my workout clohtes on a shelf in my closet. idk how i didnt fall while i was doing that cuase i was standing on my bed reaching over but i didnt fall yay me.

then i got out all my books and damn do i have alot of books. i realized i was missing one the first book of the rachel morgan seris my kim harrison idr if i lent it out or not but i dont have it and im not happy about that. so my books took up 2 and half drawers of my dressser and yes they are organized a certain way as well. first drawer is all my sci fi fanstay series books so they are alphabetised my author and within the author the series are set up in order form first to last.
the second drawer is my pll and gossip girl series followed my memiors, literature and novles and that contines til i fill got them all in. but im happy with the way i organized them.

then we went to my dvd tv series which are of course in abc order and the series are in order as well :) now i do my dvds differenly if i have mulitple movies with the same actor or actress then they stay together. like i have practically every kristen stewart movie(cause shes amzing) so those are one clump and they are buy year and so one if took me awhile to do that cuase i got lots of movies and sometimes its hard to find they year on them

i was so tired by the end of that they i just put my cds in any whihc way i will re do them tomm i still got one bin to do and i gotta oragnize alot more stuff but i was just so tired and exhausted i had to stop i kept almost falling over every thing and almost twisting my ankle my nials are all chipped from moving everying and i got scraps on my hands as well but hey price u pay

at one point my mom walked in with a bowl of skittles and handed it to me saying here u need energy and no theres no dairy in it so yeah i ate skittles and thena few spoons of ice cream i needed a sugar rush

so idk how muvh i burned today but hopefully it was enough to burn off what i ate i think it was cause im still so tired and my dinner didnt pick me up at all

food log
breakfast
*apple-65
hot choc-65

while doingmy room from 10-615
*skittles-?
*few spoons of ice cream-?
*apple-65

dinner
*2 slices dry wheat toast-180
*can of bumble bee white albacore in water tuna-120

drinks
*cup of hot orange tea
*2 liters of water

so ima read for an hour then watch one tree hill
as for a snakc tonite idk if ima have one im kind craving a bagel so mayb i will let myself have one of those idk yet we will c

10/4/10

so my uncle talked to hes boss today about me. and it looks promising. my uncle told him that i had an associates degree in accounting and he was like escatic . it'll b a few weeks he said but hes boss should b calling me soon. appartenly some1 is leaving the admin building soon so thats good for me. my uncle is a paramedic for this company and hes trying to get me into the billing deptarment. so hopefullythis alll works out cause i really need a job.

yesterday i filled out an online applicatin for a temp agency but now thati might ahve this coming i cant take a temp job cause they could b months at a time and u go to finish them no matter what. like if they have a week thing or a few day job then i could do that

ims till waiting to here backf rom the jobs i applied to for. apparently the grocery store will hire neone so lets hope that everyone includes me as well. so i figured if i do get one of those jobs and teh job with my uncle i can work both for a while and getm y head above water. just work the part time job around the job with my uncle.

i know im crazy for working 2 jobs but i have done it b4 while going to school full time so i know what toexpect iknow that iw ill tired and run down but it will give me less time to eat which is always good.

i kinda came up with a plan on how to pay my bills this month. c my one credit card has a cashback bonus and u can use it at ne atm that takes that card. so i was thinking i would do that i can take up to $400 out and that would help me alot. if iget a job soon i wont need to do that but if i have to i can do that

so tommi get to put my room back together finally c ive been leaving outof bins for god months now idk how many months but way to many. but im not gettign bit nemore and i havent gotten bitin awihle so my scum bag neighbors most of finally gotten rid of their problem which makes me very happy. so tomm in stead of going tot he gym ima put my room back togehter turst me that will b a work out allon its own i got alot of books and movies and misc stuff to organize and then i gotta carry my 4 clothes bins that are downstairs upstairs and sort them out and hang then up and everything. my dresser is now going to be my book shelf i know u can call me weird for that but i dont have money for a proper bookshelf and im tired of having my books everyhere so dresser it is. c i can keep my wokrout clothes and sweats and stuff in bins in my closest and i can hang everything else up so my dresser will b free.

so my gym has tvs on all the cardio machines and since it use to b amovie theater they kept one of theaters as a movie room were u can work out in. so every day they play a moive same movie all day u can either watch itin the room or theres a special channel on the tvs on the machines that u can watch it on. normally the moives are good but todaythe movie of the day was TWILIGHT. i love that movie im addcited so i extended my workourt an hour just for i could watch the hole thing god love it

and i really cant wait til ihave money fori can go shopping. my moms food is killing me thank god today i found some veggies that i coudl eat yesterday i had to eat fries and fried chicken i wasin so much pain. c my sotamch cant handle grease or dairy or white bread or nehting acidic i know ima mess. but once i get money ima get myself some oatmeal(its cold here now need oatmeal to warm me up), bread(the kind that i can acutally eat), lots of fruits and lots ofo green beans, salad stuff, adn mayb some soy bars and some dairy free ice cream. iknow it will b awhile b4 i have money but thats the plan

food log
breakfast
*apple-65
*1 slice italian bread toasted dry-80(yes its white bread and it hurt)


lunch
*salad-lettuce(20), tomato(15), peppers(10) pickle(0) squirt italina dressing(10)-55
*can of campbells select light southwestern veggie soup- 100

dinner
*few chips-75
*canberry raspberry applesauce-60
*califronia blend veggies-105

snack
ima have this snack at 9pm if i end up falling asleep and missing the time i will just have an apple(65) instead but plan is

*hot choc-65
*sf jello-20

drinks
*2 cups tea- orange and peppermint
*2 and half liters of water


exercise
*65 min elly random workout level 10-440 cals burned
*65 min elly level 5-437 cals burned


ha love all ofu guys
mich-running at 3 in the morning crazy no getting eaten by nething
anna-wow we were alike there damn
ana-omg i know mine does it as well in the middle of txting or calling i could just set it down and it turns off fuck me i gotta wait til june til my contract is up then ima get the iphone verizon should have it by then

10/3/10

so i ate way to much this wkd prob around the 1000 cals mark. so ugh that just sucks i didnt eat more then 600 cals m-thurday and they friday was date nite with the boy and then sat i alwasy eat more for some reason idk y but i do i cant figure it out and today isnt going to well its not horrible but i shoudlnt of eat that popcorn.
when i get money u know like a job im going food shopping i use to hate going every week but now that i cant go and im stuck with whatever food my parents have i wanna go. so when i have money i am going to find dairy free popcorn and bread. im going to get myself tons of fruits and a shit load of green beans and salad stuff and then im all good. and prob some oatmeal too i havent had it in a while.

i didnt feel like oging to the gym today ididnt feel like being around ppl or driivng so i decided to go for a run insteadn now granted its likein the 60's here(degrees) and the air has a bit o fa chil to it and its windy so it is a lil harder on the lungs but i love running so i did it neway. first i ran up to the park by my house. it has a huge hill that u have to run up and that just about killed me but from my house to the park was .75 of a mile and then i walked around the park 2 times which is a mile i walked back down the hill cause me and running down hill dont mix well im clumbsy as all hell so yeah. but then i started running back home an di kept running until i ran a total of 3.203 miles. i wanted to run more but he coldness was getting to me and im not suppose to b running on my leg neway but surprisngly it didnt hurt as bad yeah it still hurt but the grinding and the shapr pains werent as bad as they usually are.

no i know alot of u are wondering abou tmy workout plan and all that. but first i wanted to thank u all for the wonderful comments u really are all amzing and i love u all. but iw ill tell u how i work out and how i got my abs since u all wanna know so bad.

c ive always been an exercise addcit its just like ingrained in my head or soemthing idk but i do some kind of exercise everyday. i blame it on the 8 years of gymanstics i did and then the 5 years of cheering i did after that. god i miss gymnastics so much i was good at it i loved it so much but it was so hard on my body i have weak bones from being born so early. so i hurt my ankle alot. my right side is weaker then my left. but one time imessed up my ankly so bad that the doctor said i had to quit that there was no way i could do it nemore. ive broken that ankle twice, spained it numerous times from mild to serve. ive even pulled my achilles heal now that one hurt that was a bitch and ugh i never wanna do that again. but u know gymnasts the just tape it up and keep going so yeah my injuries never acutally healed right.
i have injuries from cheering as well a fucked up knee right one how did u guess. that yes i had surgery on it never healed right and thats y i get the pain in it and the grinding is from no cartilidge. i wont tell u aobut the surgry cause u prob dont wanna hear about it. and then theres my messed up back i have bad muscle spasms and at one point i pulled/bruised every muscle in it.

so ok enough of my rambling on to the work out.
when i got to the gymi either do elly, tready, or bike. sometimes i do 2 in one day it all depends.

lately ive been doing elly sometimes i do h 65 minutes on it sometimes i do 65 mins twice for a totally of 2hours 10 mins.

but the first 65 i always do some kind of hill work out either a random one or one the other hill ones like cascades or around the world etc. i ususally ahve the level between 10-20 dpending. lately i do 10 cause my legs have been sore.

now if i do a second hour on the elly i do just the manual workout usually level 5.
i burn newhere between 400-500 cals doing an hour on elly

if i do the tready i usually just walk so i would just set it for an hour ona hill workout usually the highest level and just walk i either watch tv or read i usually read so yeah
sometimes i do run though i prefer running outside but sometiems thats not an option so gotta run on treadymill. so if i run on there i start out at a speed of 5.0 and work my way up to 6.0. sometimes i run on an incline sometimes i dont. the length of time i runs depends on how im feeling and how my leg is. the treadmill hurts my leg more then running outside.

for the bike i just do the manual one at level 5 every once in a hile i will more the level up to 9-10 and go as fast as i can for 2 mins its very hard cause the restitance is more but its so worth it. that last time i did that i was covered in sweat like dripping and i loved it.

moslty i just do elly cuase i love it so much
if i run outside i run at a speed of 5.5 my watch tells me i have apedometer watch thats tells me speed, distance, calories burned, and steps taken and a few other things as well

now my stomach ihave alwasy hated my stomach an di always will hate my stomach its one part of my body that just ircks me to no end im sure ua ll have on of those were u just cant stand it.
so im addicted to crunches love me my crunches i usually do them every day. i have to do them on my bed because the floor just hurts my spine an dmy bad way to much.
ive never been a situp fan so yeah. but idk how many crunches i do it depends normally i dont count i just do them til i feel like ive done enough. i do the normal crunches and i also do the side ones each side of course. i do the ones were ur legs are straight up in the air and also the ones were ur legs are bent but still held up in the air.
thats what i mostly do sometimes i throw in some of the ones idid for cheering and gymnastics those are kind hard to explain but yeah.

ihope that helped u guys i know u were all curious so there it is if u have ne other questions u know were to find me
i love u all u are all the best most amazing ppl inthe world love u stay strong.

new pics and how date nite went

took this one today after my breakfast workout and my shower




collar bones like a week ago




so date nite we didnt do much he went tothe high school football d=game b4 hand so we didnt go out til about 930pm. we just ended up going to ruby tuesdays. and on their menu they have this fit and trim thing its pretty much meals that are under 700 cals so i stuck to that . i got the lowest thing there well almost one thing was lower but it was fish and i hate fish. so i got the vegetarian pasta. it has a red pepper tomato sauce which kille dmy acid reflux but hey lesser cals so i can deal with that. it was 487 cals all together and i ate about a third of it so 162.3 for that. he asked if i wanted dessert im like i though i wasnt suppose to eat junk. hes like u can eat junk with me cause when ur with me nuttin else matters. so thats the plan for now on ima not eat ne junk food during the weeks no cookies or brownies or ice cream and just eat dessert with him on fridays. so my dessert was the blondie for one. they have it for one or for 2 but he didnt want ne so blondie for one. its a vanilla brownie with chunks of choc in it and a scoop of vanilla ice cream drizzeld in caramal. the description didnt say it had caramel on it so i coudlnt get it without since i didnt know. but i looked up the cals for that today adn 625 cals ugh crazy ass desserts at restraunt.

i ended up taking the rest of my pasta home with me he wanted to stop at burger king and get me the side salad as well for i would have food for tomm(today). but i told him the pasta would b enough. hes so worried that im not eating enough. the side salad from bk is really good though thats what i usually get when he makes me eat fast food. its just plain simple side salad.

while we wre eating dinner he asked what ive been eating lately whihc lead to the he wanted to buy me a salad convo. but i told him that mom just bought me a big bag of green apples and she got some lettuce so i can make salads out of that. itoldhim i ate all the green beans but mom has other veggies i can eat and i got granola bars. just cause i dont have alot of food doesnt mean im not eating. im eating about 600 cals a day lately and im fine with that.

today im lettin gmyself have up to 1000 cals though cuase for some reason saturdays i tend to eat more idk during the week i dont feel hunger im fine i have breakfast at 7 lunch at 1 and dinner at 6 and then sometimes a snack b4 bed or inbetween it depeinds on my heart. so today 1000 cals then tomm is back to 600. i will have the rest of the pasta for dinner witha piece of bread and mayb some popcorn later.

so yesterday cal total came to about 1,072 cals

today so far ive had
breakfast
*bran flakes-90
*apple-65

snack
*chips-i was munching on them so idk the exact cal count

drinks
*2 cups of tea-peppermint and oragne
*half a liter of water

exercise
*65 min elly random hill workout level 10- 437 cals burned
*65 min elly level 5-440 cals burned

10/1/10

outfit for 2nite i decided to go casual today its been raining well it finally stopped but still i felt like being comfy. i feel like a fat ass and gross but ugh
but heres the outfit





due to the rain i coudlnt go for a run today i could of went to the gym but i was in one of my i dont wanna c neone moods and ijust wanted to go for a run and block out the rest of the world but i coudlnt do that cause of the damn weather. it rained all day yesterday and most of today. o it also rained monday and tuesday as well dont u just love jersey weather enough with the rain already.
today as soon it started to clear up and i would get up to pu tmy shoes on it would start pouring today so yeah i didnt get my run in evenutally i just gave up tryin gand i showered straightend my hair repainted my nails and tonails and yeah it cleared up after that of course.

i convinced my mom to buy me apples today yes i did and she got me a hole bag of the green ones which are currently in my fridge yes. and tahts all i got in there besides some jello and some applsesauce. she also got some lettuce today as well that i can steal and make salads yes. i was starting to freak out bout what i was gonna eat cuase i was outof everything but dont have the money to buy nehitng but she fixed that all now i got my apples and salad and everything is all good :)

im having the worse hugner pains right now which im not use to i usually dont feel hunger ij ust eat out of boredum or cause i know i have to not out of hunger but damn does it hurt so bad right now and its making me feel nasouses but i cant eat i just cant i gotta save the cals for dinner with the boy later maybi iwill make some tea or something.

food log
breakfast
*apple-65

snack
*pretzels-100

lunch
*cup of sodium free chicken broth-10
*salad-lettuce(20) tomato(15) peppers(10) pickle(0) wine vinage dressing(0)

drinks
*2 liters water
*2 cups tea(orange and peppermint)

exercise
*1 hour joggin in place-374 cals burned


and thanx again to everyone for the comments on my last post. i know that he just cares and he thinks that hes trying to help in the way that he thinks is right. see he is not much of a junk eater really hes not a junk eater at all so he thinks that ishoudlnt eat junk either but he knows if it was up to me i wouldnt eat at all and if he gave me a choice between junk and real food i would choice the junk everytime im more of a dessert person then a food person.
and yes he makesme eat ice cream buthe knows that i love i ce cream so much but hopefully he donest make me eat it or much of it nemore cuase i dont feel like being in pain
but one day he will understand i know he will never understand completely cause u cant fully understand this disease unless u have it but hes trying an dilove him so