happy birthday to me

yup its my bday today but to me its really just another day butm y family likes to txt and call and say/sing happy birthday so im 25 today idk how i survived 25 years when i wansnt even suppose to survive birth but hey im here and still kicking still think i will die young though but we will wait and c

so i keep getting those i love u stay safe today our lil miralce baby txts from my aunts whihc is fine but its every year ur our miralce yes i guess i am
so yeah sotry behind that i was born early 3 months ealry to b exact i weight 1 lb 13 ounces and i wasnt supposet o survive my twin didnt survive(yes i have a twin she died at birth) but i did survie but i was so lil i was in hopsital for 3 months on all this machines heart monitor breaking monitor/breathing machine/ feeding tube i was even on the breathing and heart one when i came home so yes i guess i am a miralce cause ihave survived this long

my one autn still tells the story about when she came over to watch me one time fo rmy parents could go out and how i scared the crap out of her cause seh would consntaly check to c if i was still breathing so she didnt have to check but shes paranoid cause wheni would stop breathing the machine would make noise for they would know and then like tickle my feet or soemthing they had to do soemthing weird idr what it was but yeah she still tells that story alot ha gotta love her

my dad still hites my back when i start coughing to much its how they taught him when i was lil to help me breathe so when i have a couhging fit now he does it and it does help and no caffeien for me cause of my heart, ih ave really weak bones um yeah other issues as well from being born so early

then u addin the afffect form the ed yeah im a mess but u guys c y the doc doesnt think nehting is wrong cause im at a low weight when ur born that lil they kinda expect u to b small so they never think nething is wrong well hes on my cause about choclestorl and blood pressure and stuff but never about my weight or my heart or my lungs

yeah sorry rant but neway my birthday is today im 25 wow quarter of a life down damn and i havent really accomplished nething but i will change that eventually i guess

the plan for today was to go to the gym and do a 2 hour workout then go and buy myself alil mini ice cream cake and have some but the weather intervined snow and then ice and rain thenmore ice so yeah its a mess outside soi havent left the house at all tis for the best cause that ice cream cake would of kille dmy somtach to no end i avoid dairy and gluten as much as i can well gluten more then dairy that hurts more

my mom so on dr oz or osme shit this remmbdy for heartburn so she made me drink it it was half cup of water with a tsp of baking powder it didnt taste to good shes like u can drink it up to 3 times a day but not more cause they said nemore then 3 times a day is bad yes ok ma i get it.

so i finsished my ahir :) i have pics paost them alil farther down i promise so that took awhiel to do cause had to put the hightlites in and then wait ended up leaving themin longer then the obx said but i got distracted so yeah then a shower and drying it and staigten it and the then pics so yeah thats down heres the pics of it i got 2 front view , 1 bakc view, and 2 seperate side views i didn my tips a lil as well and dont mind my ugly ass fat face there ugh gross
so pics






ok so so far today i had al il cake icing(yes i eat cake icing right out of the can i have always done that cause i dont want the cake i just want the icing my family doesnt even tink its weird nemore so if u do o well), bottle of water, and 2 mugs caffeine free tea(1 green tea, 1 orange tea)

plan for the rest of the day is to make myself a good lunch something i really want since hey its my bday i can do that and sicne my mom wont cook me nething neway so im thinking a veggie burger with one slice of gluten free bread toasted and then seomf fries baked in the oven.

then going to just relax read watch tv def workout a lil and if i really need soething later i can have some veggies dipped in my new hummes i got o and def more tea and water as well

so yeah one more point and then i got some thinspo for u guys.
i was talking to the boy last nite an di mentioned taht i wanted slatines but i coudlnt eat them since there is wheat in them hes well thats just up ur alley then u cant eat u like not eating im like ah ur funny thanx hes like we will go to chillis on friday

yeah so he makes comments sometimes bout my ed yes he knows yes he has a hard time with it yes he tinkis i can get over it no i cant get over it but neway i like chillis we dont go there much cuase its farther away but yeah so ima go ont he webiste later and look at the menu try and find soemthing that will make him ahppy and that wont fucking wreck my stoamch

ok thinspo time then im done ha sorry long post forgive me guys

1/17/10

sorry for not updating yesterday i really am going to try and update everyday but its just hard cause somedays im jsut so tired adn warn out that ijust cant even thinking about typing but i make sure i at least read ur blogs i love the ones a follow and i make sure iread them everyday

so yesterday i worked from 11-630pm i was scheudled on register the hole day the only time i wasnt on register was when i had my 30 min meal break i didnt even get an hour shift in the fitting room we all usually are scheudled 1 hour in there everytime we work but i wasnt and either was the other girl we were on register the hole day and everyone else did idk whatever they did. the managers are all on this kick were we have to get more store credit cards which is find yes buti m not gonng bug them i always ask if they have one if they say no i ask if they would like to open one if they say no then i leave it at that im not gonna b one of those annoying ppl who just wont shut up cause i hate that andim sure alot of other ppl hate that as well i didnt manage to get one ppl to open one though

but neway i had like the hugest headache ever yesterday and icoudlnt get rid of it i even ate more in hopes that it would stop and it wouldnt so iended up passsing out early thats y ididnt update but i slept like 2 hours and then justl ike tossed and turned the rest of the nite but no headahce today yay me.

its so damn cold here i hate it and ihad runnign around to do today so it just sucked going in and out of places and then bam blast of cold ass fucking cold ugh i hate it thats new jersey for u though and app we are suppose to get an ice storm tomm or an ice snow combo that new jersey is so fond of so idk if i will b able to get my h our workout in at the gym tomm if i cant iw ill def work out at home to at least help it all.

so yesteerday i was 104.4 i didnt weight today well i did i stepped on the scale at the gym i had on my workout clohtes and my shoes and ijust atem y breakfast and had some water and a mug of tea. now the scale at the gymi snt digits well it use to b but they got a new one as a xmas present for all of us its liek the old school doc scales were u stand on it and u move the weights til u get the lever thing to balacne out int he middle and its said 107.soemthing it was one line away from 108 so im guessing im still around the 104 range. i did step ont he scale today after my shower which was after breakfast my workout and my snacking thru out the day and that said 106 so im pretty pretty sure im still at 104 ish i cant wait to get back to double digits again.

so i was changing after the gym getting out of my sweaty clohtes into sweats and a long sleeve shirt and sweatshirt for i coudl do my runnign around i took my ipod off which si rare but um there were 2 other ppl in the locker room 2 girls guessing they ere friends but the one girl stepped on teh scale with her shoes and clothes cause there were gettign ready to leave. and i hear them talking as they walk out and her firend is like dotn b down its a healthy weight its perfect for ur height and she said that a few times i guess the other gilr was complaining well i took a look at the scale when i was leaving and ti said the girl was 125 lbs so yeah shes not happy with that at all

so yeah i got my runnign around down went to target home depot and teh grocery store.
at target i just went to c if the new vogue was out yet its not so i bought 2 new nailpolishs some headbands and hair dye yeah im restless wit my hair already.

at home depto i was bad yeah i suffer with self harm we all know that an di went int here to buy more razors that i use and yes i got them and yes i used the self check but no i havent used them yet

i just went to the gorcery sotre to get a few things ended up elaving with a lil more then i wanted but all healthy
*2 bags of frozen fries(mom asked me to pick them up for her)
*loaf of gluten free brean(so fuckng expensive for al il loaf ugh)
*2 bags fo baby carrots(on sale 2 for $3)
*2 bags of celelry hearts(on sale 2 for $4)
*bag of pre sliced green apples
*bag of grapes
*bag of roman hearts lettuce
*hummos 40 spices flavor
*mini rice cakes apple cinnaom flavor
*oatmeal blue berry muffin (wanted to try a new flavor and its 150 cals i can live with that)

when i got home from my running around at the kitch table and organizeda ll my stuff i but all my fruits in sepertea c thru containers so i got a container of grapes, contaner of apple slices, 2 conatainers of baby carrots and a container of cerely slices.

i also cut up my canatlope that i bought last weel yeah that fucker was mean ended up cutting my finger a nice slice its right by my nail as well yeah i did that around like pm amyb alil later and teh fucker si still bleeding its not a long cut but im on like my 4th bandaide of 5th idk but everytime i change it its sitll bleenign and it bleeds out form the cut under my side of my nails an dunder the top of my nail just fucking lovely ijust keep changing it and putting pressure on it.

so i decided that the meal paln i made up just wasnt working of rme i cant write up a hole week of meals cause i cahng emy mind and realize that i really dont want that yes im one of those weird ones who craves differn things and auctally eats what she craves im also werider cause ive alwasy craved like fruits or veggies or salads iv ebeen like that for ever i would go fomr fruits over like a candy bar neday now yes i do have my choc cravings and im addicted to cake icing(i do let myself have that) buti try and avoid the choc as mcuh as possible manly cause it does make me sick ha good point there i know but im pretty at giving myself a set cals that i can have up too and tyring to figure out whatiw anna eat the nite b4 and then tweaking it when i wake up so ima stick to that i figured up to 1000 cals is best but id prefer 800 or less but i still ahve to exercise in some way everyday which isnt hard for me since im like addcited to exercise

ok pic time here is my firdge with my containers all oragniaxed and shit ha i knwo m crazy u can say it




and then the hair now i got teh dye that is a comb the color and then the highlights ijust did the color today ima do the highlites tomm its loreal couleur experete cherry chocolate mousse with darkest mahogany brown hightlites heres just the plain color one with my ahir down and other with it up it doesn tlool much different hent he color i had b4 but im sure the highlights will help alot when i do them tomm





my mom always gave me my bday present early well only a day early sicne my bday is tomm she asked waht i wanted i said that i didnt care so she was gonna get my a shirt or jeans but then i thought and i told her i really wanted another blanket since im always cold in my room and the comforter i have doesnt keep me that warm so she got me this king size pluish fuzzy blanket omg its so warm and comfy and fuzzy i love it os much its like a light brown tan color she said they had red but it was only for a tiwn bed so she got me a brown cause it was bigger yes go mom :) i cant wait to use it tonite

ok food log

b
*bowl of oatmeal low sugar maple and brown sugar-120
*one slice of gluten free bread toasted with lil vegan butter-90
*handful of twizzler bites
*mug of tea
*water

snacks thru out day( idint aucatlly eat lunch sicne i was running around
*fruit bar-45
*13 minin rice cakes apple cinnaomin-110
*1 chips ahowy chey cookie
*few spoons cake icing
*1 bite cantalope
*1 apple slice
*liter of water

exercise
*65mins elly level6- 464 cals burned
*65 mins elly around the worl hill owrkout level6- 435 cals burned

i havent had dinner yet but im planning on making my self ncie salad- 6 romaine heart leaves(20), a few gerkein picles cut up and a few cherry tomatos cut up-pickles(0) tomatoes(?) lil vegan cheese(50), can of white albacore tuna(120) i will prob use a lil vegan mayo in my tuna then a few spritz of my vinageratte dressing.
b4 bed i might have 2 vegan cookies i gotta eat them b4 they go bad i forze some of them but kept some of them out

ok love u all gonna clean my room alil then wather the rerun of pretty little liars at 7 then the new one at 8 love that show

o and congrats to everyone who one that award thingy that is going around all ur blogs are great and u def deserved it
k love u all

________________________________________
broken-thanx hun

undesirablenumber1-yes i know they jack up the prices caues they know the ppl that need it that cant have the nomral price will ahve to pay it ugh assholes

scarlet-thanx hunny

lorna-thanx hunny i love plans as well keep me oragnized and everything and thanx for th eoutfit comment an dim not sure if there is nething else i can take that was the only thing i heard of that u can get with out a prescrition im glad the that website is doing well for u i love it as well def a lifesaver

stfusarah-aww thanx hun i dont think im tiny but thanx neway love u as well

needlesedge-aw thanx i like my outifts as well gotta b different.

1/15/10

so my head has been such a jumlbe fucked up mess lately and idk what to do nemore i hate this ed but its a part of me and something that i will never b able to totally get rid of there isnt some magical cure for it like some ppl think and im not weak minded or self pitting myself either its somemthing thati have to deal with

but in order to try and find a balace between it and nomral and still lose weight and try to save my relationship with the boy i came up with a paln well i just wrote down my meal plan an dexercise plan for th eweek

here it is

sun(1/16)
*work 11-630

b-apples and caramel
l(meal break)-cup of veggie soup and carrots
d-1/2 cup mac salad and celery
s(b4 bed) jell0 cup and 1 vegan cookie

exercise
*walking at work
*crunches

mon(1/17)

b-oatmeal
l-1/2 cup vegan mac salad and 10 cherries
s-apple and carrots
d-can white alabacore tuna and 1 rice cake
s-jell0 cup

exercise
*2 hours at gym
*crunches

tues(1/18)-my bday

b-oatmeal
l-cup of soup and cup of canatlope
s-jello cup and cherry tomatoes
d-can white alabacroe tuna and gluten free crackers
s-vegan cookie or cake if mom makes me one

exercise
*2 hours at gym
*crunches

wed(1/19)
*work 10-4pm

b-apple and cup of canatlope
l(meal break)-1/2 cup vegan mac salad and handful skittles
s-apple
d-can while alabacore tuna and rice cake
s-carrot and jello cup

exercise
*walking at work
*1 hour at gym(hopefully)
*crunches

thur(1/20)
*possibly babysitting

b-oatmeal
l-soup
s-apple
d-can of white alabacore tuna and gluten free crackers
s-cherries

exercise
*crucnhes
*gym(if not babysitting
*if babysitting jog in place 1 hour after they leave

fri(1/21)

b-oatmeal
l-carrots celery and cherry tomaotes
d-with the boy

exercise
*2hours at gym
*crunches

sat(1/22)
*work 10-4pm

b-cereal(gluten free with almond milk)
l(meal break)- 1/2 cup vegan mac salad and handful skittles
s-apple
d-soup and naute valley bar

exercise
*walking at wokr
*hour at gym(hopefully)
*crunches

now thats the plan it might change a lil depending on if i run out of a certain think or if it goes bad u know what i mean

______________________________________________________
undesirablenumber1-aw im glad that u like my outfits i like to b differnt so i layer alot of things eyah i know the gluten allergy is helping but to buy gluten free things is fucking expensive

mich-lol join a gym already jk i love working out so its easy for me

beleive-i wish i could have the equipemtn at my house cause i hate being around ppl at the gym

1/14/11

outfit



my weigh tis the same as last week ugh ih avent lost nething this week but ihave been binging like crazy so its good that i havent gained ugh i gotta stop binging thats what i gotta do

after i posted yesterday i ate even more way more ugh hate myself i really hatemsyelf i wish i ddint stop taking the st johsn wort but i had too so i will deal with it i guess

i messed up againt his morning but i went ot the gym and burnt nealty 900 cals
*35 min bike level 5- 205 cals burned
*35 min elly level 5- 244 cals burned
*65 mins elly around the world hill workout level 6- 442 cals burned

i went to target today after my workout hoping to get crackers then irealized that lal the crackers i usually eat have wheat in them so that mean si cant eat them nemore ugh stupid ass stomach but i got 3 vitamin water 0, 2 sobe life water 0, box of tea, box of fruit snacks, and the outfit i am wearing in the pic well the dress and the sweater tights the shoes and socks i already had.

g2g boy will b here soon love ua ll

_________________________________________________

undesirablenumber1-wish i kept it that low endedup binging later that nite

skinny_el- ilove workingo ut so thats easy for me and it does make me feel alot better

believe-thanx hun and there is always room for imporvemnt

lorna-yteah my stomach is a major bitch altely o im glad thatu love the website it really is great isnt it

bestlilskinnybitchintheworld-tahnx hunt hats what i was thinking keep the metabolism going

1/13/11

i was gonna update yesterday after we got home fomr philly but i was in so much paint hat ijust curled up in ad ball and passed out for a good 7 hours i never sleep that much

it was my stomach iw as good yesterday i didnt eatr nething that would cause it to hurt that bad but it started hurting at 3pm and by the time we got home at 11 the pain was just unbearable. i havent gone tot he bahtroom in a few days so i figured that what it was so i took alx last nite b4 bed and then after breafakst i had a nice big movement and i felt instantly better even though my stomach is huritng again now but not as bad just like lil cramping and stuff noraml stuff that i have everyday

the game was good typical college basketball game it went into over time but my sis's school ended up winning so yay for that

food log yesterday

b
*10 cherries-40
*1 vegan cookie-46

s
*sour gummi worms

l
*can progressive light southwestern veggie soup-120
*gluten free crackers-90
*sundried tomato and basil hummus-50

d
*1 starburst
*4 gerkin no salt added pickles-0

drinks
*mug of green tea
*plain hot tea from DD
*2 liters of water

exerice
*25 mins of crunches
*hour joggin in place

so now back to to day we had my lil cousins today my munhcins it made me so happy and such a pick me up since i stopped taking the st johsn wort today. id figured the boy would rather have me depressed then pregnant so i stopped taking them but i will talk to him when i chim tomm about it idk mayb i can get back on them

but neway we had the kids from 930-130 i mostly had the littles one but i did play with all of them and they are the lights of my life they make me so happy im contetn just sitting there and wathcing them play

i havent goetten to the gym since tuesday we ended up getting 6 inches of snow so i didnt get outon wednesday morning to go and today i had the kids but imp lanning on spending 2 hours at the gym tomm prob both hours on elly need a good workout im so fat and gross ugh havent lost neweight i was 106.6 this moring but that was b4 my laxs took affect and it was a big movemtn so im prob still 105. something

they acutally plowed my street now thats something to b said cause they rarely ever do but i guess since it was that much snow well not alot but u know that they figured that they would do that my mom and bro cleaned off and dug out my car they knwo i dont do well int he car and the shovel is just to heavy for me so they did it for me

imow rkingo n cleaning my room and doing laundry at the moment. i got my closet down well for the most part i got clohtes hung its not completely organized but its better. and laundry i got my sheets washed and dried. my jeans are wasehd and in the dyer, my clothes are in the washer and after the jeans are done they will go into dryer and my comforter will go int he wash

i will def do crunches later cause my stomach is just huge and sticks out and its gross its need to b toned and falt and concaved so gotta work out that

i didnt do to well with eating today i kinda snacked alot i was palnning on staying udner 500 cals a day for awhile but i diecided that i can have up to 1000 but i gotta very my cals everyday i cantjust eat 1000 everyday cause ew thats just gross but i will have a low cal day then a higher one thena medium one u know what i mean

food log

b
*apple-60
*slice of gluten frr bread toasted with thin layer of vegan butter-90
*mug of green tea
*water

with kids 930-130
*2 bites of pancakes
*half a cupcake(shared witht eh oldest kid)
*4 handful chips
*3 spoons icing
*grands biscuit
*bottle of water

i havent had dinner yet but imthinkng i will make a helathy one and then take my diet pill and do way better tomm

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bestlilskinnybitchintheworld- i hate the cold its just ugh i always hate the cold snow is pretty i like to paly in it i hate driving in it though

cravignthin-u think we have an accent really i dont here it mayb cause i likved here my hole life

mandgain-i like snow i hate drivingin it so we have a lov ehate relationship we got 6 inches well close

helen-thanx hun u can burnt hat many cals just u know stay moving and stuff

mich- i use this site www(dot)caloriesperhour(dot)com they pratailly have every activinty adn u calcute it there they just ask for weight and time u did it and it calcultes it for u

undesirablenumber1-we got lamost 6 inches but i didnt shovel the shovel is to heavy for me and i have vack issues and im clumsy so imnot allowed to shovel

1/11/11

no swnow here for us new jersey ppl yet well at least nto in my area im north east new jersey so im up there but jsut looked out the window no snow yet and they keep chanigng there mind on when its gonna come and how much then have said 2-4, 3-6. 4-8, 8-12 inches they have no fucking clue they are just guessins so its just a waiting game now wait to c how much snow is there is in the morning.

im going to philly tomm sis has to cheer at a basletball game so me and dad r takign her up watchin the game and then brining her back home it was orginally suppose to b me and my bor going up in my car but with the snow i told them we werent taking my car my bro was gonna drive cause i cant drive in that traffic i can barelydrive in my small town but neway so da is driving and i get to c my sis cheer yay. she goes backs unday for the new semester its gonna b werid with her not being here all the time cause my bro will go back to hes school soon as well but good tihng about tomm is i wont b able to eat mcuh a) we will b driving and 2) college game food is prob all greasy and i cant eat grease at all me and grease have never gotten along

i went to the gym eysterday and today i nomrally dont go on days i have to work but i went today cause thers a good chance i wont get there tomm i did 65 minon elly today like i normally do and i read "awakened" almsot done with it cant wait its such a good book.

they fiannly told us who there were keeping at work c i was just hired as seasonal but soemitems they keep some seasonal ppl after and they told me today that they kept me and one other girl they are like u worked really hard over xmas so we are keeping u. so pressure off i have a job it wont b much money cause there arent many hours avaialbe since its really slow now but if i can work like 3 days a week and still getmy unemplyment i will b ok im still waitng to here bout my uncles job im counting on that one its fully time and i will have benefits after 3months i really need benenfit

so nto much to say 2day it was a boring day gym adn work thats eat i ate more theni wanted i gotta get my cals down

food log

b
*can of progessive light southwestern veggie soup-120
*2 bits of brownie?
*few spoons of ice cream

l
*sour gummi worms-?

snakc at work
*5 slices apple-30
*2 vegan cookies-92.26

d
*1/2 cup vegan macroni salad- 179
*cup of veggie soup-45
*4 tator tots?
/8grand biscuit-180 cals

drinks
*2 mugs green tea
*1 liters of water

exercise
*65 mins elly around the world hill workout- 459 cals burned
* 5 hours working- 714 cals burned

__________________________________________________
becky- im confused what are u apologizing for? and the cookies are yummy u should make them

bestlilskinnybitchinthe world- its very good u should make it soemtimes

recipe time yay

i got new recipes for my fav ppl in the world
question for u guys did u want me to keep posting myh recipes on here or make a new blog juts for my recieps taht will only b updated when i have a new one just let me know guys

Rainbow Macaroni Salad
*bag of tinkyada gluten free brown rice pasta spitals- 1680 cals
*1/2 vup diced yellow bell pepper- 20 cals
*1/2 cup diced celery- 7.5 cals
*1/2 cup chopped broccolli- 15 cals
*1/2 cup chopped cherrry tomatoes- 17.5 cals
*1/2 cup carrots- 25 cals
*1 tbsp fresh chopped basil- o cals
*1 cup vegenaise(vegan mayonnaise)-1440 cals
*2 tsp grey poupon dijon mustard- 10 cals
*2 tbsp poppy seeds-0
*pepper for taste

total cals- 3215

directions
*cook pasta according to pacakaging, drain and set aside.
*while pasta is cooking cut up and combine peppers, celery, broccolli, tomatoes, carrots, and basil.
*add to the pasta and stir to combine
*stir in mustard and vegenaise make sure all noodles are covered(can add salt and pepper for taste i just added a lil pepper)
*laslty stir in poppy seeds
*refriderate and serve cold.

makes 9 1 cup servings or 18 1/2 cup servings
1 cup= 357 calories
1/2 cup= 179 cals

pic finished prodcut




Banana Oat Date Cookies

ingredients
*3 large bananas-300 cals
*1 tsp pure vanilla extract- 12 cals
*1/4 cup vegan butter warmed until smooth- 320 cals
*2 cups rolled or quick cooking oats(used quaker oats)- 600 cals
*1/3 cup unsweetend shredded coconut- 124 cals
*1/2 tsp ground cinnamon-0 cals
*1/2 tsp salt- 0 cals
*1 tsp baking powdwe-0 cals
*1/4 cup choppped dates- 120 cals

total cals= 1476

directions

*preheat over to 350 degrees line baking sheets with un bleached parchment paper.
*in a larger bowl mash the bananas until smooth.
*add the vanilla, vegan butter, oats, shredded coconut, cinnamon, salt and baking powder. mix it all together with ur hands until its all combined then fold in the dates
*spoon out dough on to trays and flatten a lil they dont spread of expand while cooking.
*cook for 15 minutes until golden brown on bottom mine cooked for about 18 minutes.

the reciep said 24 cookies but i made mine a li lsmaller and got 32 cookies out of it

1 cookie= 46.13 cals

pic of finsihed product




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acka11- yeah i knmow i have to do soemting and im only working there til i can get a a full time job

skeleton strong- i got me some today a treat lol old school man

undesirable number 1- i know like its ok for ppl to comment on how skinny we are but we cant say enthing about fat ppl ugh. im from new jersey as well north east new jersey yay another new jersian

barbies and bones- yeahi get teh anorxic jokes and commetns all the time mostly from family i just never now how to react its like yeah ok what every usay

mandajin- i know right i shoudl jsut punch them int he face

mich- i suck at grammer lol and my anxiety would never let me b an actress
yeah i get comments every time iwork its like damn u guys wanna see skinny i'll show u skinny ive been alot smaller theni am now

becauseilovehwoicanbecome-ugh ijust wanna like punch everyone