thinspo

so im not feeling that good today i didnt sleep last nite mayb an hour tops and it wasnt even all at once it was in like shifts. my head is all cloudy and im shaky. i thought mayb it was my sugar so i had some cookies to bring it up yeah it just made it worse it made my stomach hurt and im nasouses. and now my chest hurts and my heart is pounding in my ears and throat. so today is a lazy day watching tv manly the law and order marathon. i cant concentrate for the life of me ugh so yeah im all over the place today. im hoping i feel better tomm for i can go to the gym and burn off the cookies.
tomm is gonna start fruit,veggies,salad, soup and toast thats all im allowed to eat during the day no dairy or eggs or meat unless its in the canned soup i bought. but i wanna lose weigth no i need to lose weight b4 the wkd im tired of being stuck at 100 lbs

so heres some thinspo i was in a punchy arty mood really idk what kind of mood but i though they looked really cool and different loved the angles and crops and everything

10/9/10

so the football game last nite was a huge blow out 75-0 us yup that was the score by the 2nd quarter half the jv team was in and by the 3rd quarter the hole jv team was in and the other team still coudlnt score ha shows how much they sucked. i was ok in the beginning but i started getting really cold by half time i bought a sweatshirt with me but i was still cold but i sucked it up. we did leave after the 3rd quarter though cause the game was just so boring we kept zoning out well im always zoning out but still.

after the game we went to red robin hes pick he always picks and i wasnt gonna argue i love their apple harvet chicken salad so good. but he ordered mozzy sticks for an appetizer i had 1 but he made me eat another one saying that i had to eat 2 just 2 i didnt have to have nething else. i go tmy apple harvert chicken salad i got it with out the cheese and the dressign on the side the website says it comes with bread but it never acutally comes with it. but i went on the website u can customize ur meals there so i got my salad with out cheese without bread and with otu the dressing( i get it on the side and barely eat it neway) so the cals for the salad with out the stuff is 317 cals not bad for a salad. and i pretty much only ever eat the apples and the chicken out of it. i eat al il of the lettuce and a few of the almonds but not much. i was feeling really sick cause really my stomach cant handle much nemore but i got dessert to make him happy. i always get the hot apply crips there with out the caramel the cals on the website said 784. i never eat it all and i get it without the caramel i was in even more pain after that u have no idea.

between my acid reflux the fact my stomach doesnt like diary or ne food in general yeah. i told him about my stomach issues lately hes like y is it so bad now im like idk but he said oncei get insurance im gettingeverything checked and he means everything hes like just in case something happens ur getting everything which means dentist, eye doctor and then normal doctor for all of my many issues. told him that my leg isnt doing good again either he just told me to becaure with it which i am well sorta im stillworking out but thats cuase i have to but i ice it more so yeah.

we endedup falling alseep early again last nite well i was just in pain and curled up in a ball when we finally got home. on the drive home it was so bad i actally threw up a lil in my mouth but i had to swallow it(i know gross) bu ti was driving so i couldnt really throw up and drive at the same time.

im still stuck at 100 lbs ugh this is getting ridc can i just get to double digits already like enough of this being stuck in triples its annoying and just not right.

i was playing around on the chilli's webiste today cause he mentioned that he wanted to go there again sometime we havent been there in awhile. bu ti did find what i would eat when we go. i would get a cup of chicken and green chilli soup(120) and carribean salad with grilled chicken and their giultless dressing(550) of course u know i wont eat all of it cause i never do. but thats the plan for whenever we go there again. the sodium is more then im suppsoe to have c im not suppsoe to eat nething with more then 500 mg of sodium in it and those are a lil higher but its a restruarnat so i really cant do nething about that.

i did go tot he gym today did my 65 min on elly go ta few bad pains in my knee when i was doing it but its ok it didnt give out on me today whcih is a good thing. but i read for the full hour while i was working out. im almost done reading "smashed" i cant wait to finsih it the book is so good :)

so yeah im sitting here wathcing the travel channel they have a marathon of their paradise shows so yeah so far ive watched breakfast paradise, steak paradise, sandwhcih paradise. yes i wathc alot of food shows i normally wathc the food network but here wasnt nething good one. yes u might think im weird for watching food shows all the time but i like them so o well

i should b applying for jobs yeah didnt get around to that yet but i will ive just been reading fanfics and watching tv a lil of a bum today.
i did get a rejection letter today. u guys remmber that interview i had ahwile ago at the bank well they finally let meknow. she said it was nice getting to know me but they offered the job to some1 with more experience and more qualified and that they had accepted.

so thats job is out its like how do ppl expect me to have experince if no1 will give me a chance to get that experince ugh so frustarting

food log so far

breakfast
*banana-75
*apple sauce-60

lunch
*apple w cinnamon-65
*salad-lettuce(20), tomato(15), peppers(10) pickle(0)

snack
*pretzels-not sure of the cals they are my safe food so when i get munchies i have some

drinks
*liter half water
*cup of tazo caffeine free orange tea
*fuze-20

dinner im thinking some sort of veggies with some dry toast
and i will b dirnking more i haven tbeen dinrking enough lately so i need to get on that

bellana-thanx hun o im sorry that u havent had a good week either but we will start doing better the wrist is doing better i popped it back in its just a lil sore

ash-i dont c my legs beign that small they look huge to me but thanx. and me staying off my leg thats funny

skinnyrose-thanx hun and yeah dates are hard but ive been with him for 7 yrs heknows about me ed so friday is the time when eh makes me eat a good nomral meal cause app i need it

acka11-thanx hunn

ana-thanx i like the outfit too i like dressing differnt then most ppl

10/8/10

well heres the ever popular friday date nite outfit hopw u guys like




so im still 100 lbs of fatness i blame the fact that ive been eating likea pig this past week but that all stops tomm i would say today but i fucke dup like crazy 2day so it is labeled as a fuck it day but starting tomm im going back to 600 cals a day with exercise and only eatin gmy food that i bought no more eating the food my mom has bought. i need to c double digits and soon like really soon.

i don thave much word on the pills yet cause really i only took them last nite so its only one day so after i take them for a few days i will let u guys know but this monring i had a nice BM which is waht they are suppose to do anice cleansing pill so hopefully this keeps up i dont feel as bloated so they most b working

so im goign to the hgih school football game with the boy tonite usually he goes with hes broa nd he picks me up after for dinner but hes brother isnt going tonite so im going with him and then we have dinner o just lovely as ifi havent already eaten enough today ugh but i will get thru it

my wrist is sore and slightly swollen think i sprained it and my lovely knee is starting to go again it gave out of me after teh gym nearly fell in the hallway but i caught the wall b4 i completely feel my moms like wtf im like knee mother but yeah i knew it was gonna go again eventaully

exercise
*65 min elly-465 cals burned
*20 min of crunches

10/7/10

yeah so the hole liquid fast thing didnt go as planned i should of knonw that since i can never really fast nemore i swear im in a lose lose situation i get sick when i fast and i get sick when i eat so either way im sick but yeah.the fast was going well i had a cup of tea in the moirning and then i went with my mom running around got home arounf noon and showered then had a voicemall about a job interview so i had to eat lunch so i did an di just ate dinner just for i dont binge later but hey i got a partial fast in so thats something

well today i wanted to go to the grocery store and after my mom gave me a hard time about not having money and me saying that i cant eat ur good nemore its killin gmy stomach she gave in. i was gonna drive myself but she said that i would lose my parking spot outfront so she said she would take me. so we went tot he bank and 2 different grocery stores for i could find what i needed



at shoprite got

*3 pears

*bunch of bananas

*bag of frozen asparagus

*2 bags forxen green beans

*2 bags frozen brocolli

*box of low sugar maple and brown sugar oatmeal

*loaf od pepperdige far light extra fiber wheat bread(40 cals per slice)


2nd store stop and shop

*2 boxs v8 soup-tomoato herb, brocolli

*can low sodium chicken noodle soup

*can chickne and rice soup

*can cream of celery soup

all pretty much low cal more sodoium then i wanted but i dont really have a choice iwill just have to cut my sodium down in everything else cause i do like my soup espeically since its getting colder

so my job interview today was for this season job at the mall this kitchen sometihng store idk the exact name but they want to b permenmant there as well so yeah idk. the laady was nice and shes like ur doen with school im like yeah im def done with shcool shes like u look so young im like im 24 shes like o. the problem is its retail which i hate and she said its businnes casual so i cant wear sneakers. its gonna b hell fo rme beginning on my feet all day in dressy shoes i got knee and back issues. she also said my earrings might b a problem. but she said that she really liked me but she didnt make the final decision. but if i get a final interview they will go over all the policies that if its just seasonal my earrings might b ok. i told her i want $8.25 an hour i cant really make ne less then that so we will c.

i also go ta call today from a temp agency i applied at they do temp jobs and temp to hire jobs and all that. the lady i talked to was extermely nice over the phone. i told her that ih ad an interview today and apossible full time job in the works. so she said she would take my info put me in the comptuer and if for some reasons those jobs dont work out i can call them and they can help me find a job. she asked y i wasnt at my former job and i told her y and shes like well that sucks after 4 years thats suck. so yeah i really liked her and she was really nice

i find it funny that im like dieing inside but i can fake confidence and happiness so well its crazy its like i flip a switch im comletly depressed and down and hating myself and then as soon as im in an interview or something its like time to fake pull the switch and im happy go lucky confident person which is nuttin how i really am

i didnt exercise today and i fill like a fat ass blimp i def gotta get mysuelf to the gym tomm as much as idont wanna b around ppl i gotta go tomm

after my job interview i went to walmart i hate walmart but they have a better diet pill selection then target. i just wanted to get some cleanse pills or fulsh pills target doeant have those so i got

*flinestone sour gummy vitamins

*fiber gummies

*diruetics

*flush the fat internal flush

*tic tacs

the flush the fat is u take 3-6 pills every nite b4 bed so i will keep u guys updated on how they work

i hope they help withe the bloating cause no matter what i eat im so bloated even more with the dairy its like my sotmach cant handle nething nemore



food log
breakfast
*caffeine free orange hot tea

lunch
*blueberry bagel-250
*cup tomato herb soup-90

snack
*skittles-170

dinner
*noodles-210
*2 slices light wheat bread-80

drinks
*2 liters of water


ash- i would go get a fullu workup i jsut cant right now no insurance no job no money but mom did say that as soon as i get insurance im going to the docs and getting my stomach checked

skinney_el-thanx hunny im hanign in the best i can

10/6/10

so just a quick post i just woke up from my nap i had to sleep off the after affects of the vicidion i took it made me so nasouses u have no idea

but neway my room is fianlly all down thank go di dont think i can take much more lifitng i worked from 9am-1pm the only one downside to it is my food box is upstairs now instead of downstairs but tis ok i can exercise control and not open it alot.
but im happy my room is down and its organzied a lil cluttered cause hey really my room is small but its organized and i know were everything is so yay for that
i also vaccumed it and the hallway and washed and put back on my sheets adn comforter.

im not even gonnapost what i ate today i dont even wanna think about it cause a) it was alot 2) it was so painful and c)ima do better tomm

so the plan for tomm is a semi liquid fast since i cant do a full one cause of my heart but im allowing: water, tea, hot choc, chicken broth, tomato soup, normal soup(only ifi really need it) and applesauce(last last resort), o and of course fuze ddrinks found them in my food box ha

im still too sore to go tot he gym so im thinking a nice walk tomm. its not suppose to rain for once but tis suppose to b chilly and windy but if its not to bad i wanna go for a walk up tot he bank i found $10 yesterday and i need to depoist that for it can go towards by bills.
and im half tempted to bring my credit card with me and stop at right aide and get some cleanse pills we will c though.

and i also wanna take my card and go tot he grocery store cause i cant eatmy moms food nemore it hurts way to much and my stomach is constantly bloated and hurting and i just cant do it nemore.

i just wanna get some oatmeal(maple and brown sugar kind), peppridge far light bread, some fruit and im on a mission to find low sodium soup. and i dont mean the kind that is like 400 mg of sodium i mean like 100-200 mg.
its getting colder here and when its colder i want soup and oatmeal but i relaly have to watch my sodium intake so soup is hard but i will figure it out

but according tot he american heart assocaition a healthy normal person is suppose to eat 2300 mg of sodium a day and since im suppose to b wathcing my sodium and im on a low sodium low cholestrol diet im thinking i should eat even less then that

ash- i know skittles are amazing o so yummy but o do they hurt my stomach
ana-thanx and yeah im 5'5 so thats y my bmi is that low
ce- u will get back tot hat i know u and i know u will
mich-we def will hit double digits together an dive had enough cleaning ha so much work in those 2 days

10/5/10

so CE asked and im sure the rest of u are wondering too about my stats sorry i havent posted them ive been scared to step ont he scale but i finally did i didnt measure though just scale. so im 100 lbs bmi 16.6
i want double digits really soon and they better come soon

wow guys i am tired. i worked on my room from 10am-615pm and im still not done i sitll have a few more things to do. but damn was it alot of worked that involved carrying 4 bins of clothes upstairs. and moivng my bins in the hallway into my room.
the first thing i did wa smy clothes i took thema ll out and seperated them into dressy clothes, long seeve shirts, short sleeve shirts, graphic tees, and tanks. then i seperated each of them into colors. yes im crazy and i have ocd and i color coded my clohtes so my closet is nice and organzied now. it goes from dressy to long sleeve shites. to tees to tanks. and each lil section is color colded from dark to light. i put my graphic tees, my sweaters, and all my workout clohtes on a shelf in my closet. idk how i didnt fall while i was doing that cuase i was standing on my bed reaching over but i didnt fall yay me.

then i got out all my books and damn do i have alot of books. i realized i was missing one the first book of the rachel morgan seris my kim harrison idr if i lent it out or not but i dont have it and im not happy about that. so my books took up 2 and half drawers of my dressser and yes they are organized a certain way as well. first drawer is all my sci fi fanstay series books so they are alphabetised my author and within the author the series are set up in order form first to last.
the second drawer is my pll and gossip girl series followed my memiors, literature and novles and that contines til i fill got them all in. but im happy with the way i organized them.

then we went to my dvd tv series which are of course in abc order and the series are in order as well :) now i do my dvds differenly if i have mulitple movies with the same actor or actress then they stay together. like i have practically every kristen stewart movie(cause shes amzing) so those are one clump and they are buy year and so one if took me awhile to do that cuase i got lots of movies and sometimes its hard to find they year on them

i was so tired by the end of that they i just put my cds in any whihc way i will re do them tomm i still got one bin to do and i gotta oragnize alot more stuff but i was just so tired and exhausted i had to stop i kept almost falling over every thing and almost twisting my ankle my nials are all chipped from moving everying and i got scraps on my hands as well but hey price u pay

at one point my mom walked in with a bowl of skittles and handed it to me saying here u need energy and no theres no dairy in it so yeah i ate skittles and thena few spoons of ice cream i needed a sugar rush

so idk how muvh i burned today but hopefully it was enough to burn off what i ate i think it was cause im still so tired and my dinner didnt pick me up at all

food log
breakfast
*apple-65
hot choc-65

while doingmy room from 10-615
*skittles-?
*few spoons of ice cream-?
*apple-65

dinner
*2 slices dry wheat toast-180
*can of bumble bee white albacore in water tuna-120

drinks
*cup of hot orange tea
*2 liters of water

so ima read for an hour then watch one tree hill
as for a snakc tonite idk if ima have one im kind craving a bagel so mayb i will let myself have one of those idk yet we will c

10/4/10

so my uncle talked to hes boss today about me. and it looks promising. my uncle told him that i had an associates degree in accounting and he was like escatic . it'll b a few weeks he said but hes boss should b calling me soon. appartenly some1 is leaving the admin building soon so thats good for me. my uncle is a paramedic for this company and hes trying to get me into the billing deptarment. so hopefullythis alll works out cause i really need a job.

yesterday i filled out an online applicatin for a temp agency but now thati might ahve this coming i cant take a temp job cause they could b months at a time and u go to finish them no matter what. like if they have a week thing or a few day job then i could do that

ims till waiting to here backf rom the jobs i applied to for. apparently the grocery store will hire neone so lets hope that everyone includes me as well. so i figured if i do get one of those jobs and teh job with my uncle i can work both for a while and getm y head above water. just work the part time job around the job with my uncle.

i know im crazy for working 2 jobs but i have done it b4 while going to school full time so i know what toexpect iknow that iw ill tired and run down but it will give me less time to eat which is always good.

i kinda came up with a plan on how to pay my bills this month. c my one credit card has a cashback bonus and u can use it at ne atm that takes that card. so i was thinking i would do that i can take up to $400 out and that would help me alot. if iget a job soon i wont need to do that but if i have to i can do that

so tommi get to put my room back together finally c ive been leaving outof bins for god months now idk how many months but way to many. but im not gettign bit nemore and i havent gotten bitin awihle so my scum bag neighbors most of finally gotten rid of their problem which makes me very happy. so tomm in stead of going tot he gym ima put my room back togehter turst me that will b a work out allon its own i got alot of books and movies and misc stuff to organize and then i gotta carry my 4 clothes bins that are downstairs upstairs and sort them out and hang then up and everything. my dresser is now going to be my book shelf i know u can call me weird for that but i dont have money for a proper bookshelf and im tired of having my books everyhere so dresser it is. c i can keep my wokrout clothes and sweats and stuff in bins in my closest and i can hang everything else up so my dresser will b free.

so my gym has tvs on all the cardio machines and since it use to b amovie theater they kept one of theaters as a movie room were u can work out in. so every day they play a moive same movie all day u can either watch itin the room or theres a special channel on the tvs on the machines that u can watch it on. normally the moives are good but todaythe movie of the day was TWILIGHT. i love that movie im addcited so i extended my workourt an hour just for i could watch the hole thing god love it

and i really cant wait til ihave money fori can go shopping. my moms food is killing me thank god today i found some veggies that i coudl eat yesterday i had to eat fries and fried chicken i wasin so much pain. c my sotamch cant handle grease or dairy or white bread or nehting acidic i know ima mess. but once i get money ima get myself some oatmeal(its cold here now need oatmeal to warm me up), bread(the kind that i can acutally eat), lots of fruits and lots ofo green beans, salad stuff, adn mayb some soy bars and some dairy free ice cream. iknow it will b awhile b4 i have money but thats the plan

food log
breakfast
*apple-65
*1 slice italian bread toasted dry-80(yes its white bread and it hurt)


lunch
*salad-lettuce(20), tomato(15), peppers(10) pickle(0) squirt italina dressing(10)-55
*can of campbells select light southwestern veggie soup- 100

dinner
*few chips-75
*canberry raspberry applesauce-60
*califronia blend veggies-105

snack
ima have this snack at 9pm if i end up falling asleep and missing the time i will just have an apple(65) instead but plan is

*hot choc-65
*sf jello-20

drinks
*2 cups tea- orange and peppermint
*2 and half liters of water


exercise
*65 min elly random workout level 10-440 cals burned
*65 min elly level 5-437 cals burned


ha love all ofu guys
mich-running at 3 in the morning crazy no getting eaten by nething
anna-wow we were alike there damn
ana-omg i know mine does it as well in the middle of txting or calling i could just set it down and it turns off fuck me i gotta wait til june til my contract is up then ima get the iphone verizon should have it by then