Thursday, January 26, 2012

Outfits from my interviews on Tuesday and the one today

So I had 3 interviews this week these are my 2 outfits ill update on them later o and my 95 lbs

Monday, January 23, 2012

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Wednesday, January 18, 2012


Of course the first day u lose my insurance my pains are back of course cause I can't do anything bout it. The pain on my right side of my stomach under my ribs is back it hurts so much I just keep rubbing it but that doesn't help it then my chest pains are back my heart us acting up my throat is so swollen and sore I can't sleep more then 3 hours at a time story of my life time for 4 ibuprofen my head is pounding

Today is my bday I am now 26 spending my day with the cutest lil ones ever my 2&1 year old cousins they make everything so much better im content just sitting there watching them play or playing with them

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


I don't know how much longer u can go in like this my Ed is killing my my body has been thru so much idk how it's still functioning but it is surprisingly

I purged yesterday I almost feel over after u was so dizzy shaky head was pounding heart was all weird my heart hurts right now I can't keep doing this to myself my heart woke me up multiple times last night idk how to explain it it felt so weird idk what to do anymore I didn't even get all the fiid up yesterday my thrust swelled up so much that I could barely get my fingers in there anymore what do I do now idk how to beat this I have no insurance in not even going to make enough money to pay my bills next month

Only good thing is I get the boys tomorrow and Thursday I'm so content and happy just sitting there watching them play and playing with them tomorrow is my birthday too and I'm so happy I get to spend it with them tomorrow

Friday, January 13, 2012

Outfit 1-13-12

Heres my outfit for tonight and miss b miss u um I lost ur number I lost a lot of numbers so just txt me still same number or MSG me urs

I know my weight

Got to jump on my moms scale real quick this morning I'm 96 lbs

Wednesday, January 11, 2012


I'm losing it u guys have no idea how bad im losing it I've been maniac panicky not able to sit still I'm not eating much im crying as I'm typing this

Lose my insurance in a week on the 18 th I'll b 26 kicked off my parents I don't qualify for state aide cause I'm not a scumbag so y would they help me

Lowest so far us $221 a month I can barely afford to feed myself between my 4 medical bills credit car payments car insurance and gas I live pay check to pay check barely getting by just barely sometimes I can't even buy food

I go to the docs bout every 3-4 months now my family one and stomach specialist no insurance equals not being able to go which means no antidepressants which means I'm going to go crazy

I'm a good person I work hard t can't anything just be ok for me what did I do so horrible that I end up like this someone please tell me

Monday, January 9, 2012

Scared heart is pounding

I'm attempting to eat my first meal of the day scared shitless might I add I'm going to try to eat half of it pic to follow(broccoli with garlic powder and loaded bake potato) then do as many crunches as I can cause I'm a mentally unstable freak fucking Ed I need to know my weight

Progress pics

I don't have a scale and I can't find my tape measure I know I'm slipping back down the spiral know as my Ed but I can't help it I'm skipping at least one meal a day try to convince myself it's ok to eat idk y I just can't and my lungs and heart are giving me issues

But anyway here are pics I took today please guess my weight I need to have at least an idea of it I look so fat


I'm still getting the date and year wrong fuck me but it confuses the fuck out of me for good 2 months my bad

Yes I'm blogging at nearly. 3:30am my heart woke me up with its weird pounding and movements then add in my pounding headache god y do the docs always say that I'm fine when my heart is flip floppy head is pounding and having problems breathing and coughing up phlegm cause it makes shit ton if sense

Sorry no outfit pics thus week been suck of course and the boy wouldn't let me out of bed I was in bed Thursday night til u had to work Saturday and Sunday now I have off til Wednesday night do guess where I will be yup u guessed it in bed I have to get better I miss him I want to c him so body can u please b better by Friday I know I'm over medicating u between my antidepressants stomach meds ibuprofen cough meds and cough drops but I need u better like now do deal just hang in there with me I know ur fighting me cause im only eating twice a day but I'm just not hungry between all the meds but don't fat me yet

I know that ur tired u can't deal with this disease much longer I'm trying I really am but it's hard on ur own with no medical help or advice I'm doing the best I can I do want to live its just hard

Saturday, January 7, 2012


So apparently mixing 3 ibruphren, 1 40 mg antidepressant, good gulp of robtussin and cough drops is not good idea I was loopy out if it blurry vision ha I guess at my low weight I shouldn't b taking that much but I'm sick I don't have the money to go to the docs to tell me the same thing every year upper respiratory infection on verge of pneumonia so I'm trying to self medicate it out

Thursday, January 5, 2012


Coughing up phelm is fun it really is nope can someone just shot me now please im sick I finally get my voice make and now I'm sick coughing up phelm can't breathe can't think I'm so weak and yes I still work like this I have too

I argued on the phone with the nice Indian lady(not being racist) for my antheslogist bill um yeah I wanna set up payment plan they won't let me pay less then $50 a month who do they think I am I work part time have 4 medical bills 3 maxed out credit cards a car and car insurance u can't they just give me a damn break for once

Monday, January 2, 2012


I bought these 3 things at kohls today for total of $19 had coupons saved over $83 dollars

Im really sick and i got called into work told managers as soon as I walked in I'm in the same jeans as yesterday I feel like shit I'm like coughing up a lung I'm not very reliable the 2 outbid the 3 were nice a bout they are like do what u can take it easy thank u for coming in the other one was like look alive I wanted to strangle ppl k soup then curling up in my bed til work tomorrow idk how I did 5 hours today that's how sick I am and got 8 hour shift tomorrow