Wednesday, September 30, 2009


god i ate so much food last nite i suck i felt horrible but i didnt even have enough energy to get up and purge so to make up for it i decided to fast today just liquids. im weak as fuck but im good im not gonna eat til tomm morning at least i proved to my self that i can still fast :)


1 bottle of water-0 cals
3 cups of black coffee-0 cals
1 cup orange juice- 50 cals
1 diet coke- o cals

total cals consumed- 50 cals

over 11,000 steps taken-311 cals burned
taught swim lessons 30 minutes- 92 cals burned
played at park wit cousin for hour- 183 cals burned

total cals burned- 586 cals burned

Monday, September 28, 2009


so my damn mia tendencies have been out of control lately and it fucking sucks my throat is so raw and it hurts all the time, my nose is always stuffy, my knuckle is so cut up and it hurts constatnly ugh. but my ed's app like to paly musical chairs mia won out last nite i was good all day yesterday didnt eat til dinner had my dinner and ana was happy then mia wanted to play which ended in my eating strawberry sugar waffers and 2 bowls of cereal then chugging 2 bottles of water and running to the bathroom to purge dont worry i got it all out thankfully but im hoping thats the last of mia for a while i just want ana for awhile now an dtoday was good :)

1/2 cup pinapple(burned the fuck out of my throat while i was eating it)- 40 cals

3/4 cup dry special k blueberry cereal- 100 cals
2 cups popcone- 70 cals

2 small apples cut up with cinnamon- 50 cals
1 piece of cheese- 70 cals

2 bottles of water-0 cals
1 cup black coffee- 0 cals

total cals consumed- 330 cals

65 minutes on elly- 463 cals burned( didnt go as fast today i went slower for i could read wasted while iwas working out)
over 12,000 steps taken- 342 cals burned
taught swim lessons for an hour- 180 cals burned

total cals burned- 985 cals

Thursday, September 24, 2009


i had my lil cousin again 2day we went to the park and played again of course so who knows how mnay cals i burned doing that but i also ate a lil more then i wnated to do cause i was with her and she always shares her food with me

1 apple with cinnamon- 25 cals

salad( lettuce and pickles)-15 cals
15 chips ( i know eww but she was sharing then with me)- 150 cals
1/2 cup ice cream( yup we had ice cream to)- 140 cals

sandwhich ( i whole wheat thin roll, 2 slices vegan turkey lunchmeat and 6 slices of vegan pepproni)- 175 cals

4 bottles of water- 0 cals
1 cup of coffee- 0 cals

total cals consumed- 505 cals

over 10,000 steps taken- 267 cals burned
played with cousin for 4 hours- 889 cals burned( yup i found out how many cals i burned playing with her all day)
cleaned at work for 4 hours-622 cals burned

total cals burned- 1,778 cals burned

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


so today was going rly well i was rly weak in the morning from yesterday burning off so many cals but i stayed strong and had a small breakfast and then i was babysitting my cousin shes 3 yr old and the cutest thing in the world but i swear to god she never gets tired. we went to the park and play for an hour and half so i was basicllly running around for that long idk how many cals i burned from that i wish i did. we came home form lunch an di ate more then i should of so i ended up purging yup i got most of it out so thats good i guess. but good news today was weigh in and i am now 98.4 lbs yay im so excitited and happy about that

2 small apples with cinnamon- 50 cals

half a whole wheat roll-50 cals
box of green giant veggies( potaotes, snap peas, and peppers)- 100 cals
4 slices of cheese-280 cals

i know i suck at lunch but i purged i know i got all the cheese up and i got part of the veggies yet i would of kept going til i got all of it up but i had to go to work so i had to stop


2 cups black coffee- 0 cals
2 bottles of water- 0 cals

total cals consumed- 480 cals

over 13,000 steps taken- 364 cals burned
taught swim lessons hour and half- 264 cals burned

total cals burned- 628 cals burned

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


quick update

1/2 cup pinapple- 40 cals
2 sugar vanilla waffers- 80 cals (i realized after i ate them that i did the caluclation of the cals wrong i though it was 40 for 2 nope i was wrong 2 of them r 80 cals ugh)

1/2 cup celery- 10 cals
2 pickles- 0 cals

salad(lettuce and 2 pickles)- 15 cals
3 oz of broccoli- 25 cals
1 peep- 35 cals

4 bottles of water- 0 cals
2 cups of black coffee- 0 cals

total cals consumed- 205 cals

50 minutes stairstepper- 300 cals burned
100 minutes on elly- 730 cals burned
6,311 steps taken- 160 cals burned
cleaned for 2 hours-314 cals burned

total cals burned- 1,484

Monday, September 21, 2009


i know i suck for now updating all wkd but really u dont want a sleep deprieved me writing nehitng trust me. i was so out of it this wkd my mind started playing tricks on me i was seeing things that werent there and then driving wow i would like zone out the hole time how i didnt crash my pretty new car idk. but neway im better now i passed out for 6 hours last nite so im good on sleep and ready for a new week

so i have a god i wanna b 95 lbs by friday i am 99lbs now so thats 4 lbs i gotta work my ass off and get that weight off right now

heres out 2day went

1 cup pinapple- 80 cals
4 sugar vanilla waffers- 140 cals

small apple with cinnamon- 25 cals
half cup of diced celery- 10 cals

1 cup pretzels- 120 cals
i know i suck with the snack ugh

salad-15 cals (1 and 1/2 cup lettuce and 2 0 cal pickles)
yogurt- 100 cals

1 cup black coffee at breakfast- 0 cals
3 bottles of water- 0 cals
another cup of black coffee(drinking now)- 0 cals

total cals consumed- 490 cals


65 minutes on elly- 493 cals burned
2 hours teaching seim lessons- 359 cals burned
7,065 steps taken- 180 cals burned

total cals burned- 1,032 cals burned

tomm will b better ima eat less and burn way more i need to lose this weight already its getting ridc im so damn fat eww my bones do not stick out nearly enough

off to finish my coffee watch one tree hill love that show then do crunches

Friday, September 18, 2009


ok guys im do a quick update now cause i gotta wokr 10 hours again today and then right after ima b with the boy for the nite so i wont b able to update later

so the boy is on my case again like ugh wtf i rly get my control back and im excited and im losing and then hes like nope not gonna happen wtf ugh

but he came over last nite an di told him that i havent slept since wednedays hes like have u been eating ann im like yes i have been eating (cause rly i have been just not much) i tol him i had chicken noodle soup for dinner but no lunch i wasnt hungry. hes like u have to eat 3 times a day u know that hes like that was part of the deal no hopsital or treatment ifu eat 3 times a day ugh. then hes like ur gonna eat tomm right im like yes ima eat dinner with u hes u have to eat breakfast and lunch i counter by saying but if i eat those 2 meals i won b hungry for dinner hes like have a lil something for breakfast and lunch im like fine ugh

so then hes like u need to sleep come here and i can usually only sleep when hes here neway so i have gotten aout 2 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours im aight though

ook im dne ranting i think ugh

so today this is what ima do
breakfast- few bites of pinaple
lunch- carrots and celery
dinner what eever he makes me eat

ima walk around and clean as much as i can at work today for i can burn cals

Thursday, September 17, 2009

ive been up for 37 hours straight

yup u read that right i havent slept in 37 hours and idk if i'll b able to sleep tonite i get rly bad insomnia and it decided to come back again ugh i barely sleep as it is and now im not sleeping at all. well today i worked a 10 hour shift, tomm im working a 10 hour shift, saturday im doing an 8 hour shift so i wont b able to exercise much cause well i'll always b at work but at least i can walk around and clean burn some cals that way


breakfast- skipped
dinner- 2 jallapino (sp) poppers- 100 cals
homemade chicken noodle soup-115 cals

4 bottles of water- o cals
1 low carb low cal energy drink- 20 cals

total cals confumed- 235 cals

its not much since i was at work all day
9,844 steps taken- 245 cals burned

total cals burned- 245 cals

stil have to do my crucnhes and pushups yet tonite so that will b more cals burned

tomm the boy is taking me out to dinner after i get out of work so im not eating all day just drinking water and having one energy drink to keep me going

love u all stay strong

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

im so fucking confused

ok here it is guys as u know its weigh in day so i get up this morning carry my scale to the bathroom pee and then strip i step on the scale nervous and excited at the same time and its says 102 like ugh thts up a pound from saturday then im like duh i started my period so the period is just fucking with me so i go about my routine

morning weight-102

half and apple with cinnamon- 25 cals
4 vanilla waffers- 160 cals (ugh i know i suck)

total cals for breakfast- 185 gross i know

then i go to gym spend 65 minutes on elly- 496 cals burned i was happy about that :)

theni come in and my mom has cupcakes like fuck me rly so i have one i freak out go take a shower purge that up and some blood i know gross right but i had to get it out

so im thinking u know what ima weigh myself again just to c so i get my scale out and it say * drum roll*

weight- 100 lbs

so yes i am very happy now its getting lower and that number has to b more accurate so yes im 100 lbs yes :) today im letting myself eat a lil more cause of my period

so for lunch ima make banana pancakes then i gotta teach swim lessons so i'll work that off dinner im thinking potato skins just cause theyve been in my fridge after work crunches

ok so im still gonna stick with the rules i have today i promise i wont go over 1,000 cals but i cam up with something to follow for while till i lose more weight heres the plan until furter notice

breakfast- fruit
  • once a week im allowed to either have oatmeal or cereal all the other days it has to b fruit

lunch- skip no lunch ever lunch is not an option no matter how weak i am

dinner- soup, salad or veggies

  • once a week im either allowed to have a sandwhich or some noodles all the other day s i have to have one of those options above

ima try and work out as much as i can but i know once i get to weak ima have to tone them down a lil but thats ok i will still go to the gym just mayb not do as long or as hard as a workout

well im off gotta have my pancakes :) and do crunches b4 work love u all

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

god im fucking fat today

ugh i hate myself today i was having a good day then i went and had some pretzels and a slimfast bar ugh i ended at like 387 cals ew that is gross today was suppose to g o good cause weigh in is tomm. god ima freak out if i gained tomm aaahhh damnit ugh. im currently doing crunches i passed 2000 already and ima keep going til its time for sleep i did my pushups too

1/4 of an apple w/ cinnamon and a lil caramel-15 cals

1/4 of an applew/ cinnamon-12.5 cals
1 cup of chicken broth- 10 cals

24 pretzels- 120 cals
1 cup of chicken broth- 10 cals

stupid snack
simfast bar- 220 cals

total cals consumed- 384.5

65 minutes on ellicptcal- 452 cals burned
over 12,000 steps taken- 325 cals burned
cleaned room for an hour and half- 241 cals burned

total cals burned- 1,018 cals burned

im still doing crunches and pushups so those arent factored in i also went to the park today and played on the swings andmonkey bones idk what the cals burned are for that but it was lots of fun. ilove just playing i swear i have a heart of a 5 years old its so much fun

well weigh in and measuremnts are tomm so i have to get back to my crunches

oooo an dmy mom broke my mini fridge today yes i have a mini fridge in my room well she bought me a new one and its smaller then the one i use to have so it will hold less food yes :)

Monday, September 14, 2009


ok so ive been sick like head cloudy room spinning sick im doing a lil better today room isnt spinning as much so thats good

next weigh in is on wednesday and thats also a measuremnt day too im scared and excited i want to b smaller so bad

heres how 2day went

breakfast- half a cup of orange juice- 25 cals ( yes i have found orange juice that is 50 cals :) its called trop50 id neone wanted to know)
lunch- skipped
dinner- cup of chicken broth- 10 cals
after work snack- banana- 100 cals

total cals consumed- 135 cals

i coiudn't go to the gym today cause of my sickness and my mom wouldnt let me go to the gym so ugh

taught swim lessons for an hour- 183 cals burned
i forgot my pedometer today but i walked the same amount as always-200 cals burned

total cals burned- 383

i have off of work tomm so im try and go for a long long walk and go play on the swings :)

Saturday, September 12, 2009

weigh in and randomness

ok yup thats right its weigh in day today i ws so scared this morning to step on the scale but here is the number

body fat- 16%

yup u ready right im down 2 lbs from wednesday i was hoping to b even lower but im down so thats good i rly need to get my body fat down also 16% is way way way to high. my scale calculates that for me.

so heres how yesterday went i didnt eat nething all day casue we usually go out to eat firday nites. so i was strong all day and didnt eat. we ended up going to a high school football game and it rained the hole time so i was freezing and wet for 4 hours straight but good thing out of that is that is i get sick no1 can make me eat then yay for that. after the game he decided that he wanted to eat so we go to burger king i just get a side salad (50cals) and he said i cant just have that so he order me a medium oreo shake i look up the cals this morning 960 cals like holy fuck thats alot i gotta work my ass off b4 next weigh in which is wednesday i wanna b at least 98 by then but my period comes on wednesday to so aahhhhh

heres the plan for today

now- gonna have a banana we have smaller ones so its around 7 cals
at work- ima eat an apple 50 cals
then for dinner either veggies or a salad and a few pretzels havent decided yet

Friday, September 11, 2009

weather sucks 2day

so its rainy and fucing crappy out 2day i cant get to the gym and i cant go for a walk like wtf
i havent eaten nething yet today cause we might go out to eat later so im fasting just in case. im getting weak though i love this feeling its the best feeling in the world. ive had 2 bottles of water so far 2day and ima bout to go make my 25 cal hot choc cause im freezing and i cant get warm 2day ifmy life depended on it. i decided to jump in a tanning bed after work 2day try and get a lil color for i dont look so a pale i acutally felt semi warm for 12 minutes

well im off to have my hot choc then figure out wtf ima wear 2nite ei hate decideing on outfits

Thursday, September 10, 2009

i purged 2day

yup u read right i purged today. i try not to purge cause everytim i do i throw up blood and theres always blood on my fingers when im done but i purged today neway and i didnt even binge. well u say had breakfast like normal then went to the gym pushed thru my hour workout i was so weak by the end. as soon as i walk in the door i smell the cookies my mom just made and b4 i knew it i ate to of them then i freaked out like wtf im not suppose to b eating them. so i run up stairs to take a shower and i purge in there. i got all of the cookies up and about half my breakfast too which is shocking cause i ate that hours b4 hand but neway im still counting the cals i purged cause i fiugred i chewed i shallowed the cals count.

low sugar maple and brown sugar oatmeal-120 cals
granola car-90 cals

2 choc chip cookies(ew)- 100 cals

yup right there is were i purged but im counting though cals though just to b on the safe side

veggies( broccolli, carrots, and calliflower)- 80 cals

3 bottles on water-0 cals
fat free french vanilla cappy(i just love these)-100 cals

total cals consumed- 490 cals

65 minutes of ellicptlca- 445 cals burned
cleaned room for hour and half- 245 cals burned
9,288 steps taken- 230 cals burned

total cals burned- 920 cals burned

wel tomm is friday the boy usually takes me out to eat so im not eating all day no food well past my lips until he makes me tomm so just water all day

well im off to take a glucose tablet im all shaky my blood sugar is low and then its crunches and pushup time woohhoooo :)

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


ok heres how today went

low sugar maple and brown sugar oatmeal-120 cals
2 choc chip cookies( i know i suck)-100 cals

9 tbsp egg whites-75 cals
granola bar- 90 cals

salad-50 cals
1 cup popcorn- 35 cals

4 bottles of water- 0 cals
1 cup hot choc (drinking it now)- 25 cals ( yes i did find 25 cal hot choc and it taste amazing)

total cals consumed- 495


65 minutes on ellictpcal0- 450 cals burned
50 minuntes on stairstepper- 300 cals burned
taught swim lessons for hour and half- 280 cals burned( yes i looked it up)
7,993 steps taken- 201.1 cals burned

total cals burned- 1,231.1

i think i figured out y the scale was so fucking high well i was severly dehryadted for 2 weeks staight cause i didnt drink or barely drank neway and now im drinking again so i think my body is hold on to the water just cause it thinks its gonna get dehraydted again. so next weigh in is this saturday hoping to b lower. ima weigh in twice a week wednesdays and saturdays.

well im beat its been a long fucking day ima go drink my hot choc and do my crunches :)

love u all :)

weigh in and measurements

i dont believe that scale on that one cause its just not right it cant b right ugh i need to get under 100 as soon as possible


waist-23 inches
hips-29 inches
wrist-5.5 inches
ankle-7 inches
thigh-16 inches
neck- 12 inches

i hate the measurements i hate the weight its time for some serious serious restrictions i need to get under 100 asap like right now

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

ok my fav ppl here is how 2day went

breakfast- low sugar maple and bown sugar oatmeal-120cals
lunch- 2 cups butter popcorn-70 cals and 1 cup diced pinapple-80 cals
dinner-tomato soup-120 cals

total cals consumed- 390 cals

8,805 steps taken(according to my pedometer watch- 224 cals burned
35 minutes on bike hill workout- 212 cals burned
35 minuts on ellicitpcal- 240 cals burned

total cals burned- 676 cals burned

it was a good day today have a cal defeict of 296 not bad but could be more. still have to do my crunches and pushups yet tonite going to go do them shortly though.

tomm is weigh in and measurement day im a lil nervous that i wont b smaller but i rly hope i am

off to do my crunches now :)

Monday, September 7, 2009

New Rules


Calorie Intake and Food

  • 300-500 cals a day nothing more 300 or lower preferred
  • don't eat nething that has more then half the cals in fat
  • if going out to dinner the starts then no food before no expections

avoid carbs as much as possible

  • only allow 2 slices of bread a week-whole wheat only- no white bread- no bread is even better
  • only have noodles onces a week have to be organic whole wheat and no sauce ( im italian so cutting out noodles is hard) no pasta is better
  • only have potatoes once a week none if possilbe

avoid junk

  • no chips, cookies, brownies donuts or ice cream etc
  • once every 2 weeks allow a small sweet snack ( i have a sweet tooth)

avoid meat

  • no red meat ever
  • only eat chicken when have to it had to be lean though and grilled or baked. Can't have any sause or be fried


  • fruits, veggies, salad, tomato soup, crackers(special k or wheat thins only)
  • have at least 3 bottles of water a day ( i cant keep amost passing out from severe dehyradtion not good)
  • avoid drinks that have cals in them


  • do at least 2,000 crunches and 50 pushups every night less is unacceptable but more is perfect
  • on non gym days go for a 2hour or longer walk as long as weather premits (jersey weather is unpredciatble so)
  • on gym days work out at least an hour no matter how weak i am if possible do a longer workout

    Well there are the rules that i have to follow no matter what. I am being watched closely and i am forced it eat but i am working around that. They boyfriend takes me out to dinner once a week and pretty much chooses what i eat but i wil only ever eat a 1/4 of the meal he chooses.