Wednesday, June 30, 2010


its 5:22am yes and im awake and yes i will b awake all day today i have a million and one things to do and i don t even remember all that i have to do lovely huh lol ima sit down and make a list of what has to get down today and what i need to pack for tomm yay for tomm thank fucking god vacation is here i need away from work and my crazy ass family for awhile ugh

so the outfit i plan to wear tomm for the day is shorts and that green shirt that i showed u all its suppose to b nice during the day so i will b fine in that but at nite its suppose to drop in the 50's i had a dressed planned out but thats gonna change because last nite it was around the same temp as it will b tomm an di was cold in jeans a long sleeve shirt and a hoodie so yeah gotta figure out what im going to wear when we go out that nite

we went mini golfing yesterday i suaully suck at mini gold but i did pretty good and i beat him yay for that and the winner got a free italian ice so i got mango i didnt eat my salald for dinner like wasplanned i didnt eat nething for dinner excpet the italian ice my chest hurts alil bit soi hope i lost a lil bit fo weight

went to the mall again yesterday with my sister we are spedning as much time together as we can since shes leaving for college end of august and i wont get to c her yesterday we went to the new store called "strawberry" im addcited to that store its a amzing i got a "xoxo" purse oringannly $50 for $22 yay for that alwasy got this cuit pink stirpped tanktop for $5 and the all flowy ruffly mutili colores tank with crouched back for $14 adn a set of 5 heandbans for $3

while we were at the mall stopped at aunite annes they have thse new mixed lemondae drinks i got a small promgrante one its so yummy i think its my new fav thing i uaully have an intense fear of drinknig cals but i could drink that and b ok with it

also went to target after the amll i needed a new dufle bag for our trip its pink and pretty. there i got the eclipse illustrated mpovie guie, a new waller. this cute graphic tee, 3 vitamin water 0's, got the boy some chips(he told me to get them) and some aleve and lil travel lotion and tooth paste

me and my sis are planning to hang ut again today hopefully i only work til 1 today its my short day and it better stay that way cause i need a break but we are planning to go c eclipse at 2pm if she doesnt have plans and if i can get home on time u know but if something comes up and she cant go my plan is to come home get everything pakced and ready and get tihngs down i need to get down then ima go to a later movie by myself the boy is ok with me going by myself as long as i dont go to a real late one u know but im so excited to c the movie

heres how yesterday went
*cup of hot dteox tea
*half liter of water

at work 10-5pm
*cup of hot plain tea
*sobe lifewater 0
*liter of water
* 45 cal yogurt with lil granola
*fruit bowl(apple, banana, 1/2 cup blueberries)

*mango italian ice

not exercise yesterday i worked laternd jsut coudlnt get there and i cant get there today wither cause i have way to many things that i have to do but i will b running around for the most part so that will burn cals

plan for today
*cup of hot detox tea

at work 10-1pm
* liter of water
*vitamin water 0

movies at 2
home to pack

*yougrt, granola fruit bolw mix (prob)
*or i might have salad or some green beans gotta c what im in the mood for

Tuesday, June 29, 2010


yeah so yesterday wasnt one of my best day ever it was jsut so all over the place and nothing went right which makes me freak out and panic and then in a bad mood which the boy noticed right away but im dong better now just lil nasuous and chest feels funny but i prob just need to drink something or eat soemting idk im not eating yet its 530 am and the boy just left so i figured i would come on and update sincei cant later

well first off yesterday strarted off with me waking uyp with a hangover which is fine i can deal with hangovers ijust nomrally dont get them from drinking vodka the boy thinks its cause i havent drank in such a long time that my body wasnt use to it so i had a massive headache adn not aspirin to take but oncei got ot work i stole 3 aleve and 2 bottles of water an dwas all good then

but then i had to deal with work and the assfucks that i deal with im going away thrus and friday and my boss said he was gonna cover fo rme on thrusday and then another coworker was gonna cover friday yeah well my boss doesnt wanna cover thursday nemore an dmy coworker said she cant do friday nemore what a nice time to tell me thanx telll me on monday when im suppose to leave thrusday like wtf and im suppose to do aobut it now o wait yeah nuttin im not dealing with iti dont them weeks ago i was going away and its not myfault now i need a break i workmy ass off for hium i go abovea nd beyond everything i stay later come in earlier im even there on my days off which are far and far between i dont get many so he can figure it out im going away and ima spend some time with my boy i need time with him

and then to top it all off planned parenthood left a msg on my phone. i go there for birth contorl pills and for my yearly exam ive been going since i was 18 im 24 now. i went like 3 weeks ago for the yearly and more pills and they called and left a msg they normally dont do that unless soemthing is wrong i checked they msg they said can u pleasecall me back its not an emergecny hun but call us back today or tomm. so i wait il work is over at 3 needless to say im freaking out the hole time my coworker and best friend keep telling me to relax adn as soon as she walked in shes like go call them go find out. s o i did it turns out i had an abnomral pap smear and that my cell count is low they said since it was my frist abnomral one that they were gonna follow up for another year but its still scary an di did research on it causei m a dork like that its nothing now but if it doesnt get better it coudl turn in to cnancer which freaked me out cause cancer runs in the family im trying to not let it bother me right nowcuase really theres nuttin i can do about it

i told the boy about it and he didtn understand or nething but at least i told him i tired to exlain it to him it didnt go to well but i treid so o well

he wanted chips last nite so we went ou and go him some i also got single serve pack of pretzel m^&m's i didnt eat them though they are still sitting there

later today we are going tot he movies i hope he doesnt make me eat to much htere cause i really dont want too

and wed he is going out with hes friend for a lil so i can go c eclipse yes love the twilight saga but they decided to go out for a lil and he said that i could go to the movies to c it while he was out

i wen tto the gym yesterday after work ran for 30 minutes walked for 5 i ran lil over 2.50 miles and walked like ,10 more so i had like 2.75 miles all together which is good for me im starting to get use to the pian in my leg and ankle and can ignore it more an dmore each time yay for that

ok heres the paln for today

*liter of water
* sobe life water 0
*fruit bowl(banana, apple, 1/2 cup blueberries with some 45 cal yougrt and lil granola)


Sunday, June 27, 2010


so idk if iima b able to get on later so i fgure di would update now tell u whats going on and how my day si going to go

im currently sitting here all iced up literally

i got an ice pack on my right ankle with an ace bandage holeing it in place i got an ice pack on my right knee and an ice pack onmy left knee c what years of over execising does to you it hurts but its so worth it

i went tot he gym this moring i ran for 30 minutes straight at a speed of 5.0 it turned out to b 2.50 miles then iwalked for 5minutes to cool down in tota it was 2.70 miles burning a total of 230 cals

im giong to the gym again tomm as well but i think i will prob just do elly give my legs a break from the pounding i dont need my knee to go again i dont need to break my ankle once again and i dontneed ly left leg to go out either ugh life as an exeericse addcit ilove it i love the exercise i crave the exercise and it hurts while im doing it but it is so worth it in the end

today is my sis's graduation party she graduated from high school and well b going away to college in august it makes me sad and happy at the same time i happy shes going away but ima miss her so much casue we are close and we are alot aliike except for the fac ti have an ed adn she doesnt

so neway her party ima do my best with the food my mom is having meatballs(ew) lunch meat tray(gotta try and avoid that) veggie plate(yum) and pasta salad(love it will only have a lil though) but its hot as hell out here so i prob wont b to hungry for food neway and i gotta make sure i drink a shit load of alot cause im still recoverying form my heat exhaustion so i gotta b careful

food log(so far)
*sf jello cup-10
*bottle of water

*bottle of water
*2.50 mile run

after gym at home wating for party to start
*bottl eof vitamin water 0 mixed berry
* cup of hot detox tea
*vitamin water 0 mega-c(drinking it soon)

ima post a pic of the outfit im wearing today let me know what u guys think

Saturday, June 26, 2010


date nite with the boy ended up going really well last nite. hes one freind came with us so it took the attention off of me for awhile we ended up going to red robin i love their fries so i didnt eat a few to many of those but i didnt gain i was still 104 this morning

date nite meal:
*1 mozzy stick
*few 2 many fries
*apple harvest salad no goat cheese dressing on the side

i didnt eat all of the salad of course i ate all the apples and walnuts out of it also like half of the chicken and a lil lettuce

we all ended up coming back to my house and watching" taken" again for the second time i love that movie its so good hes firend ended up falling alseep so it was just me and the boy curled up watching it

im so excited hes on vacation now so i get to c him everynite starting tomm yay for that only down side is i wont b able to get on here as much as i want to i will still check in after work b4 he comes over but i wont b on as much so i dont want u guys to worry i will b back on full force the week after we are also going away the 1st and 2nd on a lil mini vacation so i wont b on at all those day

so i had to work 9-1 2day and i was so tired that i was like dragging the hole time but i also tanned after real quick cause i have some bad tan lies from when i was outside last sunday yeah since i have heat exhaustion i havent been able to tan as much as i like but ima tan more now just to get the tan lines gone

afterwork and tanning i went to the gym yes finally allowed to work out again after a week of not wokring out i was suppose to take it easy and i only planne don running a mile or 2 on the treadmill um yeah i ended up running 4 miles once i start running i dont like to stop. i just gotta b careful with my leg so i have to tape up my right ankle and were my brace on my right knee it sucks i t does hurt to run but i deal with it its so worth it in the end o that reminds me i have to ice my ankle and knee yet.

after my lovely sweaty workout( ilove sweaty workouts they are the best tihng in my world) i went to the grocery store i needed a few things just to get me thru the next coupd of days. i dont wanna buy to much since i will b with the boy alot. i got:

* 5 bags frozen green beans(im addcited)
*low sugar maple borwn sugar oatmeal
*danon light and fit diabatic yogurt(45 cals per serving)
* bag of pretzel m&m's(im weight htem and make lil snack bags on of them like i did with my other stuff
*prepackaged chicken cranberry salad-lettuce, cranberries,walnuts,feta cheese, dressing( i wont eat all the dressing not even half and def wont eat the cheese)
*choc muffin(ran 4 miles at the gym fori could have it)

food log
* bottle of water
* 4 grapes
*1 apple slice
*3 spoons yogurt
*lil granola

at work 9-1pm
*large hot green peach tea
*liter of water

at the gym
*bottle of water
* ran 4 miles

*choc muffin
*liter of water

im def gonna work out more tonite prob will run in palce while keeping feet on the ground and prob crunches as well

the plan for tomm is to get up at 730am have a banana and take my vitamin acai pills and fat burn pills then go tot he gym and run for 30 minutes stop at work and tan then home to shower and get ready for my sis's graduation party

idk what iw ill have to eat there hopefully not much

Friday, June 25, 2010


ok so im sure if ppl saw this scene they would tihnk its funny and weird but really its normal for my family k picture me and my sis at 9am sitting in the kitches venting about fuck go knows what its just what we do with a hlaf gallon of cookies and cream ice cream open and eating it(well not all of it) and my aunt and mom joining in to we all have spoons and we are eating it all out on the container

ok that all started out with me i just finished straightening my hair and getting dress for work and i felt light headed and lil pukish so idecided to go downstairs and hav elike one or two spoons of ice cream jsut for al il sugar pick me up well it turned out that my sis came down too and we sat there just venting and talking and eating ice cream i had more then i wanted prob around 200 cals or so of it i kept digging out the oreos in it its my fav part. but it was fun me and my sis are close and we are so much alike thats its crazy ppl say they cant tell us apart on the phone the big difference is i have an ed and she doesnt but shes still small me my bro and sis are naturally on the smaller side im just smaller then them cause of my ed. but i love venting with my sis and we laugh and have fun well i did freak out after i realized i ate more ice cream then i watned to so i decded to not eat lunch and i didnt i just drank water at work

after work my sis wanted to go to the mall so i pucked her up and we went. we had a great time we spent mpore money then we had expected to but we jsutified it saying that we needed the stuff and kohls had great sales which it did. i got this cute dress, 2 shirts all from kohls. at this store called "strawberry" i got a shirt that is stripped and has lips on it and it says "my lips are sealed" fitting isnt it lol and then ar target i got a new pair of converse love converse.

my sis got a bunch of stuff that i plan on borrowing we still wear the same shirt size but not the same jean size so i cant borrow htose but i can borrow her shirts

its date nite with the boy it almost didnt happen cause hes sick and he told me to eat but then he called like 15 minutes later asking if i ate yet of course i didnt but he decided to change hes mind and that he didnt wanna stay home so we are going out in about an hour to eat hes friend might come with us as well

food log so far
*bottle of water
* ice cream(cookies and cream)- 200 ish

at work
*liter of water
*sobe life water0

at mall
*small promgrante lemonade-100 ish

* 2 come it all depnds on were we go but i will let u know what i get tomm

k heres the outfit for 2nite let me know what u guys think the shirt is one of the new ones that i got

Thursday, June 24, 2010


i am starting to feel a lil better ive been taking my time with food today starting off small and low cal then building up a lil as the day goes on im hoping to end at 600ish cals for the day

my throat is still killing me i most of scratch it alot yesterday it was prob a combo of that and the tositos but it hurts alot and it made it had to sleep last nite.

i have alight headache but i think that is still lingering from the heat exhastion my headache got really bad at all becaseu we got so busy and i was running back in forth between the pool the dive shop and the tan side all the phones and all the lines were ringing it was fucking crazy i prob burned a good amount of cals but still im beat

i was planning on going to my sis allstar game thing she is cheering at but the boy said if i go i have to ealve at halftime he still doesnt want me out in the heat so i decided to just stay home to clean and to run in place al il do some crunches might even run some steps if no1 is home

food log(so far)
* cup of hot detox tea
*promgranate apple sauce-50

at work 10-3pm
*liter of water
* 2 bottles of water with sugar free fruit punch mix-0
*promgrante apple sauce-50
* 17 special k crackers-90

after work snack/relaxing
*cup of hot detox tea
*half liter of water
*small apple-50
*frizzl'd skittles-170

dinner well plan for dinner still might chang emy mind
*salad-lettuce(20) tomaotes(30) croutons(30) pickle(5)
*green beans-90

thats the plan for dinner it might change depending on how i feel
well im change out of my jeans and into sweatp ants for i can run in place while wataching gilmore girls

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


i told my self that i wastn going to go down the bulimia raod again i promised myself i promised other ppl that i wouldnt go down the raod again that i would stay away from the purging that i wouldnt binge nemore that i was gonna stay on the ana road cause ana was frist and she will always b first but yeah i messed up toady i messed up so bad 2day u have no idea

i skipped lunch cause i really wanted some tosotios so i figured if i skipped lunch i could have some and it would all b ok man was i wrong so so so wrong. yesi did have the tositos and i was ok but then i ended up eatinga pint of butter pecan ice cream and i wanted to purge so bad but i didnt i didnt i avoided it i ended up standing in place and moving my leggs from an hour straight and i fel ta lil better about myself but theni made the biggest mistake ever i ate again

i ate a grilled cheese on white bread white bread wtf is up with that im not even suppose to have white bread but what do i do i make grilled cheese with it i used vegan cheese but still wtf was i thinking o and then to top it off i made fries in grease in fucking grease im not suppose to have grease grease wrecks havic with my stomach but yeah i made it in that neway all the way while i was making it i was like its ok u can just purge it up after and the i go no no purging u will exercise it off it will b ok and then u got ana yelling at me telling me that im fat and that im worthless that i dont desrve to live that the boy wont want me nemore afte ri eat that cause it will make me fat and thati better get rid of it after i eat

so then i walk upstiars to my room i eat the grilled cheese and most of the fries the hole time im going ima purge its ok im purge after i finsih i walk downstairs very calmy i throw out the rest of the food and rinse out my dishes i walk back upstairs drink a half of liter of water and then go to the bathroom

i purged i purged it all up the grilled cheese the fries and even some of the tosits and the ice cream i didnt taste it coming up all i did was feel it coming up i was so out of it i didnt even know i purged till i started gagging to much till my heart was beating to much til my throat hurt till my head started pounding

i hate myself so much right now i told myself that i wouldnt go down that raod again cause once i go down that road its bad i end up doing it 2-3 times a day but guys please don tlet me go down that road i need ur help i dont wanna have another post like this one again

so now now that i hate myself tot he point where i wanna cut and im trying to stop cutting im even trying to fade my scars but im not gonna fuck up twice in one day so im not even gonna digmy razor out im not its gonna stay in my makeup case where i put it i will not get it out i will not allow myself to get it out

so here is how its gonna go no more purging not again not ever im down again im going back to ana all the way i know she will take me back casue she can never let me go at all tomm is either a fasting day or a low cal applesauce and fruit day i will have to c how i feel when i wake up

friday is either fasting till boy tkes me out to eat or my nomral 200 cals during the day then eat as lil as i canget away with at dinner with him

next week im going back to exercise so this heat exhasution better get teh fuck out for i can exrcise again i will go tothe gym if i cant run outside cause its to hot i will go to the gym as much as i can and i will eat as lil as i can

next week the boy is on vacation and we our going away the 1st and 2nd ona lil mini vacation we are going to balitmore to c the aquarium and when hes around inever eat much its like i have to b more controlled around him he cant c me eating alot he cant c me fat i wont allow the highest hes ever seen me at is 115 which is the highest weight ive ever been at and he hated me at that weight he likes me between 105-110 so no more gaining weight i dnt wanna b 110 again i dont wanna b close to it i wann b double digits i wanna b thin and fragile and breakable

today i also sat down and bagged up all my dried fruit and trail mix i go tmy sharpeis my sanck bags and my scale out i weighed everything and marked evertying down and fyi 30 grams of trail mix isnt much at all and to think that that lil amount is 223 cals is fucking insane its crazy

i gotta exercise now i gotta work out the cals that i didnt purge i gotta get my mind off of that i gotta just clear my mind clear it from everything

i love u gusy im sorry that i let u down

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


i wanna wpork out so bad u know that feeling i feel so grossa nd fat and i want a really good extrememly exhasuting and sweat y workout but i know i know that i cant handle that right now i know that if i even try to do it i will prob just pass the fuck out and i dont need that. so ima try and do crunches later today try and get a lil something in and tomm im hoping mayb i can trya walk its suppose to b 93 degrees again tomm but im hoping if i wait til after dinner it will cool down a lil and i can get a short walk in at least and i hope i can get to the gym on thursday im in need of a run on tready of ellicaptal or combo of both

so today i decided to get a lile food weighing kitchen scale thingy i dont have one and im horrible withthe hole converiosn of ounces and grams and shit so i bought one i wanted a digital one but fuck it was $30 yeah so no so i just got a $5 one with a dial and everything it works good for me. i also got some snack bags and sharpies i deicded that tomm ima sit down and weigh out all my trail mix and dried fruit and label the bags for i have lil snack bags already made up and when i want one i can just grab one and it will b measured and everything already. ima write what it is, how many ounces.grams or cups and how many cals. today i did the speical k crakcers and the frizzled skittles i got while i was at target so those 2 are done. tomm i will work on the other things it will keep me busy

im still feeling really out of it today it sucks like i have to stay in the sc to keep me cool but then im complelty freezing but if u touch my skint its really hot. im still dizzy and weak and tired still a lil nausous and my head is still cloudy im trying to rest and relax and drink lots of water i hope this heat exhaustion passes soon.

adn to top it off my period came 2 days early whcih means i eat alil more then i wanted to 2day so ugh stupid ass period i wish ithat it would just go away but of course it wont because im on the damn pill so it will always come no matter how much weight i lose ugh

food log
*bottle of water
*cup of hot tea peach detox
*low sugar maple brown sugar oatmeal
*choc chips

at work 10-5pm
*2 liters of water
*bottle of sobe 0 cal life water acai fruit bunch
*fruit bowl(apple 1/2 cup blueberries 1/2 cup blackberries)
*cup of popcorn

*liter of water
*other half of garden salald with tuna(left over from yesterday
*choc chips
*couple skittles and couple broken special k crackers

ima drink more water tonite as well and also gotta watch pretty lil liars tonite love taht new show

i finished "diary of an exercise addcit" peach freidman
it was a really good book u guys should def check it out

i also took over 10,00 steps today which burned 253 cals

Monday, June 21, 2010


heat exhaustion fucking sucks balls let me tell u its not fun at all it sucks and its hurts and ug i dont recommend it. i guess i pushed mysel fal il to hard yesterday in the heat. c it was 93 degrees plys humidity yesterday and i was outside for a lil over 3 hours washing my car. and when i wash my car i really wash it . it has to b perfect i mean spot less i washed it 4 times with soap and water then i sprayed it down again and dried the hole thing my hand then i did all the windows inside and out 3 times each and then i did the inside of my car and the tires so yeah i gave my self heat exhasution and i prob will b feeling it for a few days which means i dont b able to workout as much as i planned to this week.

im so weak im 100 times more tired then i nomrally am, nasous, dizzy head is cloudy, every step is a struggle, i go from sweating heart beating thinking ima pass out to freezinf ans shivering 2 seconds later my skin is hot to the touch even though im cold, extremely thirsty if i go from sitting to standing i get even more dizzzy. i can concentrate if my life depended onit im so out of it ugh this sucks

so word of advice dont ever get heat exhasution it takes so much out of u and i can deal with the weakness since im weak on a daily basis but this weak and tired feeling is way more intense and way worse then ne eating disorder related weakness and tiredness

ima try and run in plac a lil later got my ac on high evenhtough im cold

i go tmy hair done 2day got an inch cut off and some layers put in. also got it dyed its black on top with this darker red color underneath i absolutly love it and if i can ever get a goodpic of it i will post it its not going to well right now snce standing is an issue.

we also had my lil cousins 2day so i played with them a lil the 4 yr old wanted to so outside as soon as i stepped out i felt 50 times more worse then i did b4 but i sucked it up and played with her almost passed out a hew times 2days as well

i finished "thin" by grace bowman the other day and yesterday i read for the second time "purge: by sarar darer littman

food log:

*low suagr maple and brown sugar oatmeal
*cup of choc chips
*half a liter of water
*cup of hot peach detox tea

at work 10-3pm
*liter of water
*bottle oflipton pureleaf unsweetened tea 0 cals
*fruit bowl(apple, 1/2 cup bluberries, 1/2 cup bakcberries)

playing with my cousins
*vitmain water 0 mixed berry
* few choc chips

*vitamin water 0 recoup
*liter of water
*somle of the m&m pretzels
*half a garden salad with tuna(lettuce, pickle chipsm cucumber, cheery tomaotes, tuna, oil and vinager dressing)

Sunday, June 20, 2010


so i realized something at 3am this moring. me and the boy were sitting out he was eating hes mcdonalds(ew) and i was having a lil of the frozen yougrt he bought me(it makes him happy). well we were talking and iw as telling him about how antoher person said soemthing to my coworker that day about me. ive been getting alot of ppl saying stuff lately asking her if im ok if i eat im so skinny dont u think shes skinny and she alwasy goes its dani shes alwasy been skinny nothing is different shses fine she eat. yeah well shes gettign frustrated with ppl and im getting frustrated with ppl cause really its nne of their damn businnes neway and i dont comment on their fat selves so they shoudlnt comment on my skinnines.

ok yeah well i was telling him about it and he goes" dont listen to them ur not anorexic ur perfect they way u are ur skinny yes but ur not on deaths door ur not a walking skeleton what do they want u to b fat" and he said some other stuff as well.

but i susally get mad when he says that im not anorexic cause he knows i have issues he knows that i have problems but what i realized this morning (yes app my brain decdied to function at 3am) is that when he says that im not anrexic he doesnt mean it that way he means that i dont look anorexic he doesnt mean it in the way that i dont have a problem he means that i dont look it or netihng like that. with him as long as im eating he ignores the problem he doesnt geton my case tell i stop eating alot again or if i start losing to much weight

but im 104 lbs now(yay) and hes fine with that he said i was perfect eh way i was so hes not gonna get on my case ne time soon cause i do wanna lose more weight i wanna try and b at least 100 99 would b better buy july 1st when we go away on our vacation.

today i decided to clean my car since i have i had off of wark so i spent a lil over 3 hors doing that and it was hot as hell like hot the high today is 93 degress farenheight so yeah it was hot and i was sweatring alot and i did get very tired and i had to take a few breaks to sit in the shade for a lil but it was a very good workout im proud of myself

i also tookt he plunge and made an appt to to get my hair down im usually not one to to that cause that means sitting there with strangers and having to talk to said strangers and itjust freaks me out but i ifanlly did it i got tomm(monday) at 530 pm im getting a cut and color i was orignally just gonna get a cut but the boy convinced to me spurlge and treat myself a lil and let them dye my hair instead of me doing it myself i know it will prob b expensive but iw ill use my credit card and i guess i do deserve a lil treat for myself so tomm iw ill b getting my hair down

yesterday i went to the grocery store ijust needed a lil fruit i refuse to run out again and freak out and have to eat my parents food so if that means going to the store ones a week instead of evey 2-3 weeks to get a il food then so b it. at the store i got:

*2 ready sanck packs(apple slices, grapes yogurt and granola) all packed into a lil pakc its 110 cals all together so yay fro that
*2 vitamin water 0 bottles
*sugar free black berry jam-10 cals per serving
*whole wheat bagel thins-110 cals for one

i think that i had a very good shoppoing trip theother day not i will b fine for this week and i wont freak out yay for that no more panick attacks for awhile they take alot of of me

food log(so far today)
*cup of pinapple-75 cals
*cup of raspberries-80 cals
*bottle of water-0 cals

cleaning my car-9:45am-1:15pm
*bottle of vitamin water 0 grape ade
*liter of water
*lil frozen yougrut-? cals( i was getting light headed needed a lil something

lunch(having soon)
*green beans-90 cals
*banana-100ish cals
*and more water

im just gonna realx the rest of the day casue im tired i will prob read start a new book i finished thin by grace bowman last nite it was good but id int like the ending but i never like endings of books so thats to b expected

love u all

heres the ourfit i wore on friday its date nite witht he boy so i try and dress cute

Thursday, June 17, 2010


so idk if ima b able to get on later it all depends if the boy comes over or not so we will update a il now

so yesterday i kinda fucke dup after i got home from work and ended eating almost a full bag of tositos i shoudlnt buy them casue damn they are addciting i mamnged to stop myself b4 i ate them all but damn i dont even wanna think about how many cals i ate. and i was gonna wer a tighter dress to my sis's graduation that nite but yeah i had a nice food belly so i went with a baggier one u could cay it was really flowy

i took a friend advice and jogged in place half an hour b4 my sis's graduation and then i did another hour after we got home from it. i cant actually life my feet off the ground cause that would make to much noise so i always kept the balls of my feet on the ground. god it kills ur calfs but so worth it

and yesterday i also twisted my ankle not to bad well not to bad for me at least i really cant walk on flat grounds with flipflops its ok now just a lil sore

and i also decided that every mrong instead of tossing and turning and trying to sleep till my alarm goes off ima get out of bed 30 mins earlier then i usally do and go for a run it will only b about 1/2 right now till i cant get my knee a lil stronger and it might not b every morning depnends on what time i have to b at work and stuff

but i did it i got up today and ran a half mile my damn leg hurt the hole time it wasnt my friend today i could feel my knee cap just grinding but i managed to push thru it and i will ice it b4 i go to work this morning.

its also mylil coiusins bday today shes turning 4 and we have her today so my mom is making her cupcakes and my uncles is brining al il cake over for her. and sine she wont eat unless i make it for her or unless i eat with heri m porb gonna have to have some cake ugh i was planning on doing good today i will have to run in place tonite if the boy doesnt come over to work it off. i have breakfast and lunch planned out dinner all depnds on the how the cake tihngs go

*bottle of water
*cup of hot detox tea
*low sugar maple and brown sugar oatmeal-120
*1/2 cup blueberries-40

luch (at work)
*1/2 cup blackberries-40
*porb liter of water
*prob a sobe life water 0

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


ok so today i had a major craving for sherbert i mangaged to talk myself out of the sherbert and into popscicles i love popscicles and i didnt have ne so i decided after work that i would stop a tthe store and get som. um yeah so i totally forgot that i didnt have my ipod so being in the grocery store with out it was hard i was freaking out so bad i was holding my stomach an di had to keep pinching my arm to keep me calm. at the store i got:

*fruit popscicles-25 cals per bar
*creamscicles-70 cals per bar
*choc mint granola bars-90 cals per bar
*fruit snack- 50 cals per pack

i also had to go to toys r us and get a stuffed horse for my cousin yeah so i almost kille dmyself there cause of cousre in the sutffed animal section they have the horses on the top yeah so i had to stand on the bottom shelf and jump a ll to grab it they had blue and purple i wanted to get the purple one but yeah coulnt reach it so i got blue instead and yeaht he first attemp to get it didnt go to well cause i slipped right off the shelf and literally almost fell on my ass ugh y do they put hings so high like really but i finally did get it. her bday is on thursdays shes gonna b 4 so i got her the horse a ballerina barbie and some polly pockets. and we have her on thrusday so i get o give her her present on her bday yay

food log:
*banana and an apple cut up with cinnamon
*cup of hot detox tea

at work 10-5pm
*liter of water
*sobe life water 0
*cup of hot promgrante tea
*cup of popcorn
*fruit bowl(1/2 an apple, 1/2 cup blueberries, 1/2 cup blackerberries)

*cup of pinapple
*salad(lettuce, 3 cherry tomates, 5 croutons, 2 dried papya chunckc, 4 pickle chips with wine vinager dressing)
*fruit popscicle
*liter of water

im def gonna drink more tonite i might have some coke zero cherry havent had ne in a while
also tookover 12,000 steps today whcih burnt 303 cals
i need tro do crunchs yet i will prob do them whil eim watching pretty lil liars

Sunday, June 13, 2010

6/13/10 cont...

ok so i bought outfits today i look semi ok in them i guess i dont know i dont have ne self esteem andm y body image is all fucked up thanx to the eating disorder that runs my life.

well i bought this becaue me and the boyfriend and hes friend are going on vacation in 2 weeks its not a long vacation its only 2 days but we are going to balitmore to c the aquarium and to just plan get away from this hell hole of a town we live in. its a 3 hour drive so we are staying over nite cause making that trip in one day isnt fun trust me we did it a few years ago.

ok so i bought these outfit for that purpose to wear them there i know im still huge and shit and i need to lose weight b4 i go but i just wanted urguys opinon on them cause i trust u guys.

its weird u can barely c my collar bones in the pics its odd cause they are usually out nicely lov emy collar bones to bad u can c them well in these pics

well here they are:


yea so well todays plan didnt go as planned food wise its going great but everything else i planned didnt work out so well

i did get up at 9am with every intention to b out of the hosue n later then 10am but my dad said he was gonng spray my room today. see my neighbors are scumbags and they have bed bugs and sicne we are connected and they have them so bad we have them too and so does the neighbors on the other side o them. im the only one in the hose that is getting bite which sucsk cause id idnt get an infection from then a month or so back and they do carry disease so i just have to becareuf. ok yeah well neway when he sprays i gotta clean my room so i had to empty out my lil mini fridge of all my food and put in in a cooler had to take all my mags and books out of my cuby hole tingy and pretty much jsut clean up a lil it was alot of work and then he took my hole bed apart so after that i had to vaccumm my hole room and the vaccum we have is heavy so that i was tired after that so he sprayed powdered and put my bed back together i put my food back in my fridge my mags back i my room and my books in my dresser(yes i use my dresser as a book self) right now all my clothes dvds cds the all the books that i have read already are in bins my life is in bins and i really cvant find a damn tihng nemore ok well neway i started that at 10 i didnt get in the shower til 3 so yeah no walk for me but i guess i got good exercise cleaning. i did manage to make it to kohls and get some things i got 3 shirts and 2 shorts and a 3 pack of boy shorts. i have pics of me trying the shirts oni will post them later i promise. after kohls i went to target had to get my cousin a bday present so i got her a barbie and some polly pockets i still need to find her a horse stuffed animal. i aslway got vitamins, eclipse soundtrack, gum, wizards of waverly palce the move. i really want the toy story movies cause damn i grew up on them but they ar expensive right now so ima try and find them cheaper on amazon.

i got stuck in the rain um like 3 times today it decided to pour like amother fucker today once after i left kohls and i had flipflops on and i cant run in those cause yeah i will falla nd i park far away so i was soaked by the time i got to the car on the drive to target it was raining ao bad u coudlnt even c where u were going but i manged to get there and get completley drenched walking from my car to the door. thank god it wasnt raining when i got out but the roads were floading damn rain so i had to becareufl driving home and i always had to go thru the biggest puddle ever driving literally had to stop the car and then like vbarley drive thru it for i woudlnt hydroplane. of course it was raining when i got homeand i got wet going to the door

my sis is so funny i was showing her the clothes i got. now remmber she is 18 im 24 we sue to b able to share clothes shes like dani i hate u ur got to small we cant share clothes nemore im a size 0 in jeans and skirts and shorts and stuff shes like a size 1-3 so we cant shre jeans and i got cute jean shorts we can still share tops those cause most of my tops are flowy but it made me so happy to know thati am smaller then her and that she is noticing and that her boyfreinds sister notices too cause she tells me all the time that ur smaller then chel and ur 24 thats not right

food log:
*bottle fo water

*cup of peach detox tea
*bottle of sobe life water 0

*salad(lettuce 3 cheery tomats, 5 croutons, 2 kosher pickles wine vinager dressing)
*apple sauce
*bottle of water

dinner(makng soon)
*fruit bowl(2 small apples, 1/2 cup blueberries, 1/2 cup black berries)
* 2 slices of light oamteal toast
*prob bottle of water
*and prob cup of detox tea

i also started those acai cleanse pills damn do they work its a 14 day thing so u take 2 pills b4 breakfst and 2 pills b4 bed and they work its a cleanse so its cleaning u out and my stomach already looks and feels a lil flatter yay for that caus ei gotta b skinny skinny skinny in 2 weeks

Saturday, June 12, 2010


i feel like im not good enough like im never gonna b good enough like im not gonna b good enough unless i get a proper diagnonsis. c ive never been officially diganosed by a doctor ive been underweight my whole life so they just assume that its normal for me thas its normal for me to b this small but i guess it is cause my highest weight has been 115 and that was when i first started my birth control years ago

but ive always beena picky eater ive neverliked red meat i cant do grease cause it kills my stomach dairy kills my acid reflux junk food makes me freak the fuck out

i just wanna get so sick i wanna lose so much weight thatppl finally c this isnt normal i wasn to b diagnosed i want a doc to say that i have a problem that what i do isnt normal that my excessive exercise isnt right my starving istn right

ij ust wanna prove to everyone that im sick like i know i shoudlnti iknow i should hide my ana and my mia but i just want ppl to c how much pain im in on a daily basic how i can go form happy for ocmplelty depressed in a matter of 2 seconds

i want ppl to c my scars and c it see that ij ust cant deal nemore that everythingi s just to much

so i guess its time to start proving it to start starving myself even more to lose as much weight as i possibly can

Thursday, June 10, 2010


had my doc appt at 830 this morning i go to planned parenthood for my yearly exam and to get my birth control because i dont have insurance to c an acutual u know real gyno so i go there and ive been going there for what like 6 years now.. and this year was the first time they didnt weight me i tthk they were just rushing though cause i told them that i had to b at work so they just asked me my weight i remember last year i tricked the scale to say 108 so i just told them 108 again this year. and they took my blood pressure as alwasy and i was shocked it as 130/70 its usually high but they were happy that it wasnt this time so yay for that so they didnt have to yell at me which is a good tihng cause im tired of getting yelled at all the time

i wasnt planningo n eating breakfst cause i though i was gonna b there longer then i expected ithought i was gonna have to go straight to work after but they got me out early so i had time to go home for 40 min b4 i had to leave for work

food log:
*low sugar maple and brown sugar oatmeal
*cup of hot blueberry tea

at work 10-3pm
*liter of water
*cup of hot blueberry tea
*vitamin water 0 acai bluberry promgrante
*cup of popcorn
*promgrante fruit bar

*2 grapes
*few twizzler nibs

* cupt of peach detox tea
*liter of water(have to drink yet)
* 7 gran bagel
*southwestern style veggie soup

i went food shopping today. i hate food shopping causei get all panicky around all those ppl but i really needed to go cause i had like nothing and i was eating my parents good which i hate to do. so i park as far away as i can for i can walk farther and burn more cals. i do that everywhere it may seem werid but its just normal for me. here is whati got at the store:

*peach detox tea bags
*8 bottles sobe life water o cals( it was dollar a bottle so i got one of each flavor they had)
*2 containers blackberries
*grape tomatoes
*low fat croutons
*dried fruit(banana and papaya)
*small container of grapes
*2 cans soup
*bagel(gave myself a lil treat)
*2 bags apples

thru out the day took over 10,000 steps which burned 248 cals
i also tanned after work ive been freezing all day so 12 min in a tanning bed warmed me up a lil and got me some good color im half italian so i tan easily

i love u all ur the best mot amazing ppl

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


so i didnt sleep well at all last nit ei though i would cause i was so tired and i selpt well the nite b4(i know shocker there since i never sleep) yeah but last nite i just kept waking up i was having chest pains it sucks at one pointi took my bra off yeah im werid i sleep in my bra i though mayb that was bothering me but nope that didnt help it at all i did manage to get some sleep just not alot so i felt tired all day.

i was also short of breathe 2day as well and really sluggish but i made it thru the day

i fucked up today though ugh i dint go gorcery shopping cause it was raining so hard and ididnt wanna go out in the rain but after today no more fuck ups i cant do that nemore iguess the extra food is good casue i have docs tomm so they scale will say higher then it would nomrally say but still i really hate myself i feel so huge and just gross and a fat fat fat ass ugh fuck me im horrible and gross and i have no control ugh fuck my life time to get back on track though

food log:

* cup hot tea
*liter of water
* cup dry bran flakes
* 2 slices light oatmeal toast

at work 10-3pm
*liter of water
*cup of hot tea
*vitamin water 0 lemonade
* apple
* cup of popcorn

playing with my cousins 3-630pm (heres the fuck up)
* 3 straburst
* 2 sugar waffer cookies
* 1 oreo
* fries
* ice cream

we did play alot and walking up and down the half way dozens and dozens of times while holding a 7 month old i know burned off some of it but not all of it and ishouldnt of even ate one thing after work y did i let that food touch my lips ugh i prob gained like 5 times

dinner(fuck up #2)
* grilled cheese( peppreidge farm ligth bread and vegan cheese)
* 3 vegan chicken protein tenders
*cup of hot tea
*liter of water

ok so im def going shopping tomm i need to cause i got a plan and ima stick to it no more eating the downstairs food i only am allowed to eat the food that i buy so heres how the plan is gonna go

breakfast- cup dry bran flakes and either fruit or toast
lunch-fruit bowl
dinner- salad and either veggies fruit or some kind of protein

200 cals thru out the day then dinner with the boy i will try and make it a salad or veggies

as lil as possible it all depends on howmuch i work during the weekend so weekend are a play it by ear kinda thing

ima keep cutting out dairy as much as posbbile and ima keep drinking lots of fluid to keep me hydrated

my exercise all dpends on the day on how much i work and on how tired of weak i am. bu ti am always on my feet at work soim burning cals dong that but ima try and go to the gym at elast twice a week and take walks when its not raining(its always raining here)

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


2day was much better no panic attack at least but i was still extremely anxious and i kept pacing alot at work i coudlnt stop moving if i stopped moving then i would get fat and my sternum and chest was killing me today i hate when that happens. and godi get so out of breathe so easily now a days it literally makes my lungs just hurt and ache and i mean it they hurt its werid cause im fine when im woking out i can work out for awhile and b fine but just doing every day things is just so tiring.

food log:
*cup dry bran flakes
*2 pieces light oatmeal toast
*cup of hot tea
*bottle of water

at work 10-5pm
*liter of water
*vitamin water 0 acai blueberry promgrante
*cup of hot tea
*cup of diet coke
*fruit bowl(strawberries, mango, pinapple)

playing with my cousins 5pm-630pm
*2 twizzlers
*few bites of brownie
we played hide and seek, playedo n the slide, did some cartwheels we were outside thehole time

* baked potato
* california blend veggies(didnt eat all)
*cup of hot tea

over 11,000 steps taken burning 289 cals

i def need to drinkmore tea and water tonite i didnt drink nearly enough i need alot more. i gotta get weight on thurdays at the doc. now dont freak out its not the real doc so they shouldnt bug me about my weight its the stupid woman doc thing ugh i gotta go for my yearly exam and to buy more birth control pills but they weight me and check my blood pressue which i know will b high cause its always high. and i so lie on the form u have to fill out. they ask if u have ne unexplained weight loss or gain of more then 10 lbs i said no ha they ask what street drugs u use i say none. they ask ifu have headaches, night sweats, depression, numbness in hands and feet i said no for all of them(but really i have all of those but they dont need to know that)

im going grocery shopping tomm afterwork and after palying/babystting the cousins. i really need to go cause i dont have ne more safe food left and i desperatly need the safe food. this is what i have on my list it might change a ill but let me know what u think:

*2 bags apples
* bananas

another book i ordered came today "empty" christie pettit

Monday, June 7, 2010


so today started out with a panic attack not the best way to start a day ugh i hate panic attacks i try to avoid them at all cost but i guess soemtimes they cant b avoided. c i have this certain routine that i have to do int he morning i get up at 7am every morning igo downstairs amke my fruit bowl that i bring to work with me and then by 730am i have to b in the shower im out by 8am then iget dressed and everything an di like to b having my routinely breakfast of dry cereal and 2 pieceso f oatmeal toast or fruit by 830 am then i relax and read til ihave to leave for work at 940am

yeah see that didnt happen today for one i had to b at work by 9am instead of my normal 10am. i got up at 7 but i coudlnt make my fruit bowl casue i have no fruit casue i have to go shopping but the fruit sale doesnt start til wed so i went downstairs to try and print out the things i yeah well the printer didnt work so fuck that ugh. i went to go shower by 730 and my fucking brother is in there so i didnt get in til 745 am uug so i didnt geto ut til 815am theni had to rush around so much i cut up a cucumber for lunch(that ididnt eat) and ended up having ahorrible breakfast

ugh so i panciked so bad my breathing was hard my heart was pouding like acrazy person i watned to puke so badi felt physicallly drained it was so bad after the panic attack i was anxious all day like bad anxious i coudlnt stop pasing i had to keep moving and drinking liguids it was a bad bad bad day

i think i really need something fo rmy panic attack and my anxiety cause it gets so bad

i have these plans and control to keep my head from completely completely insane it keeps me calm an di know u guys might htink im insane for having those detailed plans buti need them to keep my from complelty losing my mind

so i finished "go ask alice" u guys should read it if u havent its amazing. im about 3/4 of the way thru "diary of an exercise addcit" its amaing cant wati to finish it soon. and "thin" by grace bowman finally came in yay i got a shitload of books to read now and im so happy

food log:

*bottle of water

at work 9am-2pm
*half a liter of water
*vitamin water 0 lemonade
* 2 cups hot green tea with mango
*1 and 1/2 cups of popcorn

workout at the gym:
*bottle of water
*45 min on elly level 5 distance 2.96- 323 cals burned
*35 mins tready hill level 15 speed 3.0 distance 1.62- 164 cals burned
*35 min bike level 5 distance11.42- 200 cals burned

dinner(stopped at conveint store)
*prepacked salad(lettuce, carrots, hardboiled egg(took out the yoke), hot green and red peppers and chickpeas)
*vitamin water 0 mixed berry
*half liter water

i also took over 10,000 steps which burned268 cals

Sunday, June 6, 2010


ugh today was crazy again as well worked 11:30am-6:30pm that included lifeguarding 2 bday parties and cleaning up after teh parties it suckskids drive me fucking nuts and the second party had hotdogs and i wanted to throw up just looking at them i hatre the smell of hotdogs they are just gross imo

food log:

*cup of tea
*bottles of water
*1/2 an apple
* 2 pieces light oatmeal toast

at work(1130am-630pm)
*granola bar
*cup of popcorn
*bottle of water

dinner(having now)
*large hot green tea with promgrante
*small side garden salad(lettuce, 3 cherry tomatoes, 3 pickle chips, some hot peppers and cucumbers with orgegano and oil and vinager
*cut up apple wiht lil caramel sauce

i took 9,089 steps today which burned 227 cals
the plan for the rest of the ntie its a li after 7pm here now is to finish dinner, read a lil, stretch do some crunches, and watch the mtv moive awards. going to watch part of the flyers game as well

love u all

Saturday, June 5, 2010


so yesterday was crazy busy i worked 10am-730pm and i wasnt feeling good all day like i felt really off and just blah and sick and i felt lik ei was gonna collapse at ne moment which isnt good when im at work part of the day at work was spent lifeguarding a bday paryt ugh i hate doing those the kids never listen and all i do is yell the hole fucking im surprised i still have a voice now a days. k heres the food log from yesteday best i can remeber

*bottle and half of water
*promgrante apple sauce

at work10am-730pm
*liter of water
*vitamin water 0(dont rmember what flavor)
*bottle of water
*sugar free jello cup
*2 pieces dried fruit
*cup of popcorn
*1 spoon of cake icing

dinner(date nite with boy)
*bottle and half of water
*small ceaser salad
*1 and half slices of silician pizza

now today was busy as well cause i had to work all day again i know i work way to much i cant help it though gotta stay busy i wish i had time to realx but i do so gotta do what u gotta do u know what i mean

*bottle of water
*promgrante apple sauce
*peach mango fruit bar
*few spoons of ice cream(need a li sugar to get thru my day

at work 9am-4pm
*liter of water
*vitamin water 0 acai blueberry promgrante
*bottle of water
*sugar free jellp cup
*1/2 cucumber
*cup of popcorn

at the gym
*bottle of water
*35 min elly level 5 distance 2.50 miles- 257 cals burned
*65 mins treadmill hill workout level 15 speed 3.0 3.12 miles- 336 cals burned

dinner(havent had yet but heres the plan)
*salad(lettuce, apple, dried fruit
*green beans

i will def drink more water today and mayb a cup or 2 of tea
i also took over 11,000 steps today which burned 290 cals

more books that i orderd from amazing came in yay so the ones that came in are:
*diary of an exercise addict- peach friedman
*next to nothing- carrie arnold
*hunger point-jillian medoff
*feeling for bones-bethany price
*unwell-leslie lipton

Thursday, June 3, 2010


ok so i watched dear john last nite i liked the book much better then the movie. i kept comparing it to the book and then getting fuckng pissed caue they changed things ugh fucker i hate when they do that. but i did like the movie i just think the book was better which that is how it usually is the book is usually better then the movie so that was to b expected.

i went for my first run today in god fuck over 2 years prob i missed it so much and it felt so good to run again well it was more like a jog still gotta b careful. ci had leg surgry hmm about 3-4 years ago my knee cap was out of place it was every painfull and for them to fix it they had to cut all the ligaments and tendons and muslce on the one side for the knee cap wwould go back in i was in a full leg brace for about a month cause i wasnt allowed to bend it at all . i was on crunches for about 2 weeks and then i could walk with one crutch and then i finally got the hang of walking with out ne. trust me walking in a full leg brace isnt easy at all. well i had months of therapy to learn how to bend it again and how to walk normaly again. i was limping for months an di sitll do limp sometimes.. well the doc said i would b able to run again so after the 6 mnoth recovery time the doc cleared me and i tried running again yeah i popped it out again but i got it back in myself and i have ran since. cause it stll does bug me and it does give out on me which causes me to either nearly fall to the ground or fall completely to the ground. yeah well i decided to try running again today i but my brace the doc gave me to support my leg on really tight and walked alil then started to run well jog acutally yeah it hurt it was tight and i did get sharp pains in it and it is grinding a lil bit now again( i dnt have ne cartilidge left in it) so i ran 2 full blocks about half mile mayb a lil less then i stopped took a breather streatched it out a ll more then decided to go again and did the 2 full blocks again. i had to b carelfy to not step in ne holes or cracks or stikcs cause they that would roll my ankle causeing me to etiher break my ankle again or fuck up my leg once again. so all ina lli ran about a mile today i dont know how many cals that burnt but prob a fair amount i will look it up later. i got ice on it now to help with the swelling and ima try running again on saturday (its thrusday here)

food log:
*cup of hot tea
*bottle of water
*cup dry bran flakes
*2 pieces light oatmeal toast

at work 10am-2pm
*cup of hot tea
*liter of water
*bottle vitamin water 0 acai blueberry promgrante
*fruit bowl( 2 small apples, 1/2 cup blueberry blackberry mix

after work 2-3pm(playing with my cousins)
*2 small bites white bread with margarine(my cousin wont eat unless im there or eat with her shes almost 4 so she didnt eat the hole time i was at work cause she watned to wait for me so i got her to eat 2 slices of white bread and i got away with on 2 small bites
*a lil bit of nerds candy( had to share them with her as well)

then i went for my run
* ran a mile
* drank a bottle of water after

dinner(havent had all of dinner yet just the preigories will make salad later)
*4 preigories
*salad(lettuce,cucumber, dried fruit)

i turned my watch off while i was running so the run doesnt affect how many steps i have taken today. so i took 7,247 steps burning 178 cals

i plan to drink at least another liter of water and a cup of tea yet tonite im sure that i might dirnk more though we iwll c

oo im excited so i ordered a shit load of books of a amazon cause im addcited to books and i jsut cant help it i need them it will take me forever to read all the ones i have to read . wlel one o fthe books i ordered came today its called "Bloodletting: a memoir or secrets, self harrm, and survival" by victoria leatham. i cant wait to read it but i should prob finish the 3 books im an currently readin atm. yesi read more then one book at a time it depends on my mood that day

love u all stay strong

Wednesday, June 2, 2010


so i almost passed out at work today i hate when that happens i know passing out is part of ana but fuck do i hate it i get really hot and sweaty and my heart goes even more nuts and i start shaking but i coudldnt let myself pas out cause that wouldnt b good so i like chugge dmy vitamin water 0 and that helped it calmed me down enough that i didnt pass out i felt tired the rest ofthe day but no passing out yay for that

also today i finished the book dear john and i loved it def read it if u haven ti wanted to read it b4 i saw the movie an di never got a chance to read it while the movie was in theaters so i just finished it now well at the gym acutally then went straight to target and bought the movie which i plan on watching tonite / also at target i got some more vitamin water 0 im addcited ihave to drink at least 1 bottle a day or i dont feel right so i got a 4 pakc of the lemonade one and a 4 pack of the acai blueberry promgrante it one. also god some dried bananas and dried mixed fruit the hole package is only 110 cal and im addciting to dried fruit so yay. aslo book a book cause i cant go to target and not get a book bought interview with a vampire by anne rice.

food log:

*cup of hot tea
*bottle of water
*cup dry bran flakes
*2 slices of light oatmeal toast

at work 10am-4pm
*liter and half of water
*vitamin water 0 peach mango or mandarin(dont remember)
*fruit bowl(2 small apples and 1/2 cup blueberries)
*cup of popcorn

*bottle of sobe life water 0 mango melon
*salad(lettuce, 1 slice of cheese, cucumber, dried melon w/wine vinager dressing)
* 3 vegan chicken proten tender thingys

*65 min hill workout tready level 13 speed 3.0- 287 cals burned
*over 11,000 steps taken- 274 cals burned

i plan to dirnk at least another liter of water tonite and a cup of tea. also gotta do soem curnches i will do them after the movie though

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


first day back to work after 2 days off it was weird a) im not use to being off of work and 2) i was so tired and sore from not being able to site still on my 2 days off

i know i should of did nothing and enjoyed my 2 days off but thats just not me i have to keep moving sunday(as i said in other posts) was the picnic at the park i walked there an back and spent alot of time running around and playing with my lil cousins then monday i spent 2 and half hours cleaning my car the squating up and down gave my legs a good workout and they are sore as fuck today. like every step just hurts so bad,. the plan was to go to the gym today after work but i was in to much pain to soi gave my legs and body a break i will do curnches later though gotta do some type of exericse

food log:
*2 slices light oatmeal toast
*1 small apple
*bottle of water
*cup of hot tea

at work 10am-530pm
*liter of water
*bottle of vitamin water 0 acai promgrante blueberry
*fruit bowl(small apple, 1/2 cup blueberries, 1/2 cup blackberries)

dinner at home
*salad(lettuce, cucumber, tomato, lil vegan cheese, wine vinager dressing)
*bowl of green beans
*liter of water

snack(havent had yet but prob will later)
*trail mix

today thru out the day i took over 11,000 steps with burnt 281 cals in the process