Monday, May 31, 2010


so 2day my exercsie consisted of cleaning my car yes that is a workout all on its own trust me the way i do it took me 2 and half hours. washed the outsdie 4 times and i mean really washed it did the windows 3 times each inside and out then i had to dry the car perfectly which took me awhile and then thers the inside so yeah 2 and half hours of hard work. ive had a headache since so i guess i burned a good amount or the heat just got to me but it was a good workout.

i spent the rest of the day after taht relaxing reading and watching tv ima have to do some crunches later though mystomach just isnt toned enough for my liking

food log:

* bottle of water
* grapes and strawberries
* handful of trail mix

while cleaning my car:
*drank liter of water

*sugar free jello cup
*dried fruit
*bottle of water
*2 cans coke zero cherry

*salad(lettuce, half an apple, 2 pieces dried mango, 2 pieces dried pinapple, cucumber, wine vingar dressing)
*my homemade macroni salad made with brown rice glutton free noodles
*liter of water

*some dairy free ice cream

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


i found some time today to realx instead of going to the gym after work i wnated to but i knew that my body was to tired to handle a workout so when i got home i went outside. i got my book my ipod and my nailpolish and laid outside in the grass in the shade(it was 92 degrees out today so had to sit in the shade) first i painted my nails did them black and then i just laid there and read. iwas outside for 3hours by the time i got up my ribs were killing me from laying on them but it was nice to relax for a lil today

*2 apples with cinnamon
*piece of light oatmeal toast
*bite of a brownie
*cup of tea
*bottle of water

at work 10-345pm)
*liter of water
*bottle of vitamin water 0 mixed merry
*1/2 cup of blueberries,1/2 cup blackberries,1.2 cup raspberry mixed together in a bowl with a small handful of trail mix on top

snack after work
*handful of trailmix
*bite of brownie
*bottle of smart water

*liter of water
*4 spinach bites
*salad(lettuce, 3 cherry tomatoes, cucumbers,few cheese cubes, 2 pieces dried mango)

snack(ugh again)

i took 7,876 steps today which burnt 195 cals

i feel so fat for not doing ne other exercise today ima do crunches later
fuck im so tired i slept like 3 hours last nite which was acutally good for me but im stille xhausted. my cowokrer keeps telling me that i have to get sleep soon or im get like really really sick but i cant help it i just cant sleep

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


so my next day off is monday i believe i cant wait for its been what 2-3 weeks since ihad a day off and im so exhausted i cant wait for it the only reason ihave off though is cause its a holiday and my work is closed

so ihave a habit of either drinking to much or not driknking enough and passing out form dehrydation isnt much fun at all so i make sure now that i drink more then enough for i dont pass out again

i cant sleep trust me i have tried its so hard soi went today and got me some sleeping pills i didnt want to caus ei know how addicting then can b and i dont need to b addcited to another tihng but i need to get some sleep and some sleep soon

so i went grocery shopping today i got:
*tropical trail mix
*dairy free mint marble ice cream
*peppridge farm light oatmeal bread
*frozen veggies( 2 baxes broccolli, 2 boxes green beans, 1 box mixed veggies)
*box of bran flakes
*box of toasted oates
*applesauce(cranberry raspberry and promgrante)
*spinach nuggets
*veggies protein chicken tenders
*romaine lettuce
*3 cucumbers

food log:
*cup of tea
*bottle of water
*cup dry branflakes
*apple with cinnamon

at work 10-530pm
*liter of water
*vitamin water 0 mixed berry
*half a normal water bottle
*salad(lettuce apple cheese cubes 6 cherry tomatoes with wine vinager dressing)
* cup of popcorn

*few grapes
*3 cheese cubes
*liter of water

snack(ugh fml)

ima try and drink more tonite while im trying to relax and not fall over from exhaustation
i took over 13,000 steps today which burnt 346 cals

Monday, May 24, 2010


as much as i would love to rest i just cant its physically impossible

like even when i try and just lat down and watch tv when i finally get home from work i cant im so restless i always gotta keep moving

i worked 7 hours and 45 minutes today and u should c me i look like the walking dead my hair is just everywhere my eyes are bloodshot and barely open i cant purple rings undermy eyes i can tbarely walk i just drag my feet ugh life sucks

food log:

*bottle of water
*cup of tea
*cup of dry bran flakes
*small apple with cinnamon
*1 cookie

*65 min walking on tready hill workout level 13 speed 3.0- 294 cals burned

*bottle of water
*cup of tea
*salad(lettuce, an apple, 6 cheery tomatoes, few cheese cubes with wine vinager dressing)
*2 cookies

at work(1-845pm)
*liter of water
*bottle of 0 cal sobe life water strawberry dragaonfruit
*bottle of joes tea black cold tea 0 cals
*cup of popcorn

dinner(at home)
*cup of tea
*cheese cubes
*drinking a liter of water

over 12,000 steps taken today - 312 cals burned(doesnt include treadmill i turn my watch off when im exercisng)

Sunday, May 23, 2010


so today i worked 8 hours which included lifeguarding 2 lifeguard parties im so tired u have no idea i odnt even think i slept last i just tossed and turned the hole nite. im srsly like a zomibe its bad and i wont b getting ne sleep netime soon cause i work 7 hours tomm and 7 again on tuesday and i dont have a day off til memorial day so what ima do like 3 weeks straight i think it is its crazy

food log:
*promgante raspberry bar
*cup of popcorn
*icing off of a small piece of cake
*1 cookie
*5 crackers
*bowl of frozen mixed veggies

Thursday, May 20, 2010


*liter of water
*cup of dry speical k choc delight cereal
*apple with cinnamon
*1 bite of a brownie

*3 cups broccolli
*2 scoops vanilla ice cream
*liter of water

at work 3-815pm
*liter of water
*bottle of joe tea black tea

*have a extra large hot cranberry promgrante tea and a liter of water that ima drink
*and im snacking on some cheese and crackers

my exercise of the day consisted on me taking all my clothes out of all my bins and refloding them then re organizing them and labling the bins cause i cant find shit nemore. i also labeled all my bins that have my books, cs, movies and misc shit in them. i cant wait til i can move everying back in my room. also at work i took 6,306 steps which burnt 157 cals

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


i kinda fucked up today ugh

* bottle of water
*cup dry branflakes
* grapes

at work 10-5
*liter of water
*skinny water(acai grape blueberry flavor)
*cup of hot green tea with promgrante
*half a cucumber
*2 apples with lil 0 cal caramel sauce

dinner(at home now)
*cup of hot choc(25 cals one) with some white choc chips
*2 breaksticks
*piece of garlic toast

ugh can u spot the fuck up im sure u can i hate myself so much right now u have no idea i was doing well with this vegan thing then i fucked it all up i gotta do way way way better tomm like way better

Monday, May 17, 2010


well the vegan thing is hard but so worth it i still eat some stuff with milk cause fuck there are alot of things that have milk in them and its gonna take awhile to cut them all out

food log:
* cup dry bran flakes
* banana
* half a cucumber
* small tomato
* oatmeal raisin granola bar
* oatmeal
* fruit bowl(apple, grapes and a mixed fruit cup with li 0 cal caramel sauce)
* 3 lil spoons of ice cream

* 65 min tready random hill workout level 13 speed 3.0- 303 cals burned
* 35 min elly- 271 cals burned
* 9.086 stepss taken- 228 cals burned

Saturday, May 15, 2010


so ive decided that ima go veggie/vegan i dont eat that much eat to begin with just chicken so i can cut that out easily i know the hard part is goign to b cutting out the dairy and the eggs but ima do it slolwy and work myself up to a complete vegan i'll keep u guys updated on how im doing with it

last nite was date nite with the boy i didnt eat to much but the cheese and the grease just made me so sick at dinner i had mashed potates, a lil bit of sucatous, and like 5 bites of chicken my desser was yogurt with berries and granola. he got chesse fires so i shared them with him

i was in so much pain after my acid reflux was so bad from the dairy(another reason y im going vegan cant take the acid reflux nemore) and i was having the worse stomach pains ever right side bym,y belly button under my ribs i was like doubled over in pain it was so bad i was nearly crying and it takes alot for me to cry but thats how bad it hurt

i had to work for alil today but the rest of the day ima have a lazy day just cause im so fucking tired i need a break i have off of work tomm but i prob have amillion and one things to do during the day so ima realx and read and watch tv today and of course do some crunches

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


so today i went tot he grocery store got:

* box of store bran bran flakes
* box of special k choc delight
* fruit cups( tropcial and mixed)
* caramel dip( found calorie free kind)
* acai berry fruit bar popsciles
* granola bars( 90 cal varity box- choc chunk, oatmeal raisin, and honey nut)
* sugar free jello cups( strawberry kiwi, tropical berry, lemon lime and orange
* 3 cucmbers
* tomates(found out after i bought them cant eat them cause of my acid reflux)
* grapes
* 2 bags granny smith green apples
* mango spears
* 4 bottles skinny water and some coke zero
* muffin(shouldn't of i know)

food log:
* cup dry bran flakes
*granola bar
*speical k snack bar
*half cucumber
*1 apple
*small chicken noodle soup

i made it to the gym again today and walked on the treadmill for an hour on the random workout level 15 and burned 380 cals. i read the hole time i was walking i love reading i get lost in the book and i forget my problems for a while.

im currently readin'g 2 books at he momen "loose girl" by kerry cohen and "fallen" by lauren kate they are both addcitng i recommend u read both

im a book addcit so i read alot i cant help it

after th gym went to target bought 2 more books, and tank top, some fiber weight managemtn gummy things adn a dust buster(my room is smallplus big bed equals i cant get a vaccum in to i got a samll hand held one

i also worked today no surpirse there ha we were busy so i ran around like the hole time so i hoped i burned off most of the cals from today

my stomach is killing me right now its all bloated and it hurts my ribs hurt im getting this shooting pain on my right side it just sucks ass its always something

and my chest and acid reflux is just killing me my acid reflux is so bad that i actaully feel the acid coming up and it burns my nose so bad fuck it needs to stop already

i was planning on making some braceltes tonite but i think i might just lay down and read instead

i babysit tomm my 2 lil cousins form 9-230 then i got work 3-8 busy busy busy day

Thursday, May 6, 2010


do u ever feel like ur never gonna b good enough like ever? i get like that all the time like im never gonna b good enough to have friends casue aka i dont have ne i just lost 2 of them acutally. i feel like im never gonna b good enough for my boyfriend even though he tells me he loves me regardless. im never ever gonna b good enough for nething im always gonna b this fat worthless shell of a person.

so the 2 friends i lost were my ana friends that i meet online one i acutally meet in person and u would think that they would understand my struggles and my ed and just everything. well fuck was i wrong. c with me i refer to ana as a person casue to me she is a person she has been with me forever and idk who i am with out her. well these 2 friends that i lose said that im to stubborn and that i never listen to a word they say and that im killing myself. its like fuck u dont htink i know that im dieing that everyday i get closer to death fuck i know this and they should know it too but no since they are ont he recovery road well sorta one keeps going back and worth between recovery and ana. they think that i should recover as well that just cause they are i should but i cant i dont want to and i wont ppl cant force me to do nething thats not how i work cause if im forced i will rebel treatment wont work unless im ready for it unless i do it on my own and im not ready at all. fo rme i have to hit rock bottom first and i have to hit it hard b4 i can even think about getting better. adn they said that they cant support me killingmyself so we arent friends nemore

so far today:
* 2 small choc ship cookies
*blueberry yogurt
* apple slices with lil caramel
* few sour patch kids

* 65 min on tready random hill workout level 13(i think) speed 3.0- 338 cals burned
* 35 min elly hill workout(cascades)- 253 cals burned

plan for the rest of the day:
* bag of frozen veggies(what kind dk yet

* 2 60 cals yogurts
* mango

gotta work form 3-8 today so i will burn even more cals cause im always running aorund like a crazy person then i should do crunches at some point today

Sunday, May 2, 2010


so 2day i decided to have a lazy day cause i dont get them much since im always always working well shocker here i actallu have a day off yes :) so the plan for today is:
* to go on pt and dp for a while well i'll prob check in thru out the day
* look up hotels for our trip to balitmore in july
* read all the updates on the facfics i read im so behind
* finish the one fic im readin now
* lots and lots of crunches thru out the day
* mayb start a new book i have a pil eof 12 i have to read til im allowed to go back to barnes and nobles to get more (yes im a book addict deal with it)
* i was even thinking of starting to write again i havent written in years and i realized that i missed it even though i usck at grammer and shit i do love to write
* i should prob wrok on updating my krsiten stewart site i swear my ed takes over an di totally forget about it for months at a time
* and lastely prob watch a moive i have my bootleg copy of "brothers" to watch yet

yesterday i was 107 lbs im slowly getting back down thank fucking god i was tired of being stuck at 109lbs for so fucking long ugh it sucked. i didnt weigh myself today i havent had a bowl movements in a few days and that prob gonna fuck up the scale and b4 u say take laxs i cant i abused them to much b4 and i get extremly sick when i take them now so i cant tak them at all nemore not event he senna tea trust me i tried it.

yesterday i worked for 4hours and yeah that 4 hours was spent on my feet gotta love it constanly standing burns cals yes. then of course i had to stop and get gas ugh i swear gas is taking me broke its so fucking expensive then needed to make another trip to target(im there way to much. there i got some vitamin water zero(acia-blueberry-promgranate), tub of gum balls, emarld bay 100 cal nut packs, slim fast 100 cals snack bars, hose spray attachment thingy and 3 books. then after i finally got my ass home i washed my car now thats a good workout. i spent 2 hours doing it i washed it 3 times casue i coudlnt get it as clean as i wanted it to be and its still not but i was getting so tired from it 2 hours of scrubbing and shit is hard on ur body.

well o sjould prob go and start doing sometihng on that list of mine
love u all stay strong