This is for sam she wrote me a nice long response Thanx hunny it means a lot I am hanging in there I have really bad body issues I'm trying to b ok with recovery and the weight gain but it is a big struggle cause I just want to b this tiny lil thing again I'm tired of people saying how much better and healthier I look how this is the best I looked in awhile that I'm filling out not sunken in or sick looking anymore the sad this is I still want to look sick I want to b different I dont want to look like everyone else this disease is such a confusing thing my life is always going a million miles a minute and I can't control any of it at all I'm always being told what to do and what I'm dong wrong and how I should do things it's like they don't think I'm good enough to make my own decisions that ppl think I'm not stable enough to run my own life I'm 26 for fucks sake I know I'm sick I know I have mental issues but I think I can decide how to leave my own fucking life already like fuck
I don't get to c the boy much since I am working I get to c him mayb once every 2 weeks right now and it's hard as fuck I work like 9 days straight at my one job stupid second shift 3-1130 it doesn't give me time to do anything I am applying for a full time position a my other job not the hospital I one i actually like so I'm hoping I can get that and not work at the hospital anymore I can't stand that job whatsoever ever
Oh sorry about the hospital job, at least now you know that it is t for you. Good luck on the other job though!
ReplyDeleteI totally get you on the whole let me be thing. I feel like we're old enough to makeover own decisions, you can say you're concerned for me once but then just leave it alone. I get it, I got it, now mind ur own damn self.
Sam
I'm so happy to see you're doing better. You know its never going to be easy. You're giving it all you got hun. Miss you lots and i'm happy you're still here. Im still reading. Don't give up. xox
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