as i set here ruining my nice 220 cal day by eating cake and ben and jerrys froyo half baked i realize that im a fucking fat ass mother fucking failure and thats just not aceptable i cant keep on this cycle of binge/purge/starve/eat normal repeat i cant keep doing that i just gotta starve from now on i gotta get this weight off this is fucking ridc i hate it im up to fucking 108 lbs ew thats just gross thats 2 lbs away from my starting weight. god i went from 94 lbs over the summer to 108 lbs now that just unnacceptable damn force feeding which led to me binging. so this is the end of it after this binge i am done binging i need the weight off. im tired of ppl telling me that i look better now healthier not sick nemore truth i wanna look sick i wana b skin and bones i want my hip bones to stick out so much i need my ribs out more i wanna c every bone in my back thats what i want and thats what ima get.
so new plan starting tomm its a bowl of special k cereal fro breakfast another bowl for lunch then dinner is salad with either a bowl of fruit, veggies or soup i might change the plan a lil cause i get bored easily lol but thats the jist of it i need to get out of the triple digits by xmas then hopefully between 90-95 lbs by my bday in january
today was going good til now i had
breakfast
1/2 cup blueberries- 40 cals
vanilla yogurt- 60 cals
lunch
9 tablespoons egg beaters egg whites- 75 cals
1 peice whole wheat toast- 45 cals
12 grapes- 48 cals
at the gym i did the treadmill and burned 511 cals ive also taken 9,500 steps and burned 246 cals
today would of been a very good day if i didnt ruin it right now ugh god i hate myself i just wana cut so bad i wanna c the blood i want to let the badness out but sadly i cant cause i gotta lifeguard on sat and the cuts wouldn't b healed my then ugh
oooo a good note i get to c my 3 yr old and 3 month old cousin tomm they brighten up my day im so happy andi cant wait to c them
well girlies ima finsih this food then do crunches all nite till i get to tired and sleep
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