7/31/11

question for u guys an d b honest here please i already know how i feel but what if u had an oppurtunity to get help to b hopsitlaized and get all the help u need but it went against what u believe in how u feel and just the person that u are would u still do it?

my answer to that is no yes i know im stubborn and im playing with my life here i know that i know my health is bad i know my stomach is a complete disaster but i just cant go against how i think no matter what.

if i did go against what i think i would have to b catorgiazed as disabled that means going on disablilty and not working to accept the fact that im crazy enough and not strong enough or stable enough to work. but in all hoineslty i work now yeah its hard to function on some days but i stillw ork i go in when im suppose to go in i do the best i cant and i make it threw my day so y should i admit to everyone that im not capable of working just to get help. i wont do it im not knocking neone who has done it or is thinking about it buti ts just not who i am its just not

i could also go about getting medicaid as well but that also involves making alot less money and also b classified as disabeled again not me and then thers also charity care im not a charity case imnot helpless i can take care of myself

yes i have a disease iknow that a deadly disease but imnot some1 charity case for them to look down one me and pity me fotr my shortcomings yes imnot rich i work very hard just to sruvive and i get pride in that

i cant just drop everything to check myself into a hsoital or residental i know there are ppl wo have quit their jobs, dropped out of school, cancalled shit just to do that but its just not the way i am ijust cant walk away from everything that i worked hard far im not gonna cancel my credit cards while they arent paid off that will fucking kill my credit i have a brand new car car insurance and a job granted its not the best job in the world but i cant just drop everything walk away from everything fro this disease its like me saying ha u one eating disorder i give up u when i will go get help but throw away everything that i worked for not happeneing

u guys can call me crazy u can not support me call me stupid for this but its just how i believe
i will b ok on my own yes im not stable i know that i knwo imlsoing my mind that my ed is getting worse and that i cant fight it on my own but iw ill not let other ppl pay for my treatment iw ill get a good job i will get better insurance and i will pay for it myself.