Monday, August 1, 2011


so im finally gonna contact a specialist today for all my stomach issuesi ahve been putting it off casue well for 1) i hate doctors i just never had good experinces with them and b) im afriad of what they are gonna tell me u know

i went on my isnurance website and just searched for gastroenolgy ppl and it came up with alist in my town i txted my uncle since hes a paramedic c if ne of those he knew had a good reputation and it turns out the one he knows very well and he even took care of my grandmother when she was still alive so i will contact him later today she he has 2 offices one in my town and then another in the next state(c i live rigth ont he border of PA and NJ so i spend alot of time in PA as well so its nto that much of a drive) but imat ry and get into my towns office hes only there monday -thursday 2-5pm so i will call around 3pm today and make sure then still take my insurance and that i dont need a referral cuase my doc never gave me one.

im just scared like stomach issues runin my family my grandmother had crohns disease my cousin has ulcerative colitis and now im just a mess so idk if my sotmach issues is do to genetics or my eating disorder. my uncle said he would go with me and i kinda want him to buti dont as well cuse idk if my eating disorder will come out or no u know what i mean

so i have aplan though first ima get my stomach issues figured get tht all sorted and all that whiel i look for a better job that hopefully pays more and has better insurance then once i get that and have extra money iw ll start therapy and then possible treamtent i know hopsital isnt for everyone and idk if it will for me just being around all the ppl and being judged idk but we will c when that times come u know

i applied to 3 jobs yesterday a recetptonist at a trade school, an accouting person at a business and then an medical accounts coordiantor at a hospital.

the hopsital one has a behavorial wing as well and on their website it said that ne employee can get free shortterm therapy while working there so we will ci dont have the best luck int he world finding jobs.

o and yes those pictures i posted the other day are me i wouldnt lie and post pics that are me and claim them to be me its just not who i am so dont dont that they are 100 percent me.


mark-thanx that means alot it really does cause most ppl dont support me. lol yes it is goofy has alwasy been my fav disney cahracter :)

run-yeah i guess we are stubborn but idk like i kwno what i want and i will do it the way i want to do it

thin_thighs- i alwasy said i woudl have to b forced into to go or go on my own accord at my own time at my own pace

bones-c idk if it will help me or not right nwoi just cant go and have other ppl pay for it its just not how i am i wanna b able to knwo i paid for it myself im just paranoid cause u know all theopther girls will b judging u and sizing u up and it just seems hositle. thanx hun im sorry H doesnt care hwo does he find it intersting i dont get it its still hard hun really hard

aly-yeah u have to want it in order to go. dont envy me hun my health sucks im it took some time but ijust layed fald and help my arm out with my phone and took the pic u have to keep ur arm steady or it shakes

calichica- yeah it really is me

megan- wow hun thanx for that i didnt think mywords helped ppl but tis clear that they do ijsut speak the truth and what im feeling at the time hang in ther hun ur strong too

more then me- it kills me that i hurt him so much u knwo i c the hurt in hes eyes all the time and i put it htere i scare him and make him worry i just wanna bhappy thats all i want

acka11- i dont wanna b in ne more debt then i aleady am i will getm y help when i can pay for it myselfu can call me stupid but thats just how it has to be

americaneagle- i have nsurance im on my parents but its not good i cant get my own insurance it cost to much money i can only get insurance that i cn afford thru a job and im working ont hat right now im tyring to find a better full time job


  1. thats all any of us want sweetie. He's clearly trying to make you happy again which shows how much he loves you. your very lucky :) much love xxx

  2. hun I know that you are afraid of what the doctor might tell you but you have to remember that the doctor can get you on the right track to relieving if not curing whatever the problems. I am so the pot calling the kettle black on this one because I have been putting off going to the doctors for a very long time... Maybe it is time I was brave like you and did what needs to be done.

    Much love

  3. hey doll. i would never call you stupid. and i dont think you are either. i was just pointing out the other options to try and be helpful, and because i was worried about you. im glad you are getting your tummy checked out. xo

  4. Hope everything goes ok with the tummy specialist. These digestive issues are no fun (we've got Crohn's, Colitis, and IBS in my fam too), but at least if they diagnose something, then they can work on relieving all the awful symptoms you've been having. My older sis has Crohn's and that seems to be the worst one, but she's on meds now that pretty much stopped all of the bad tummy problems.

    Let us know how it goes!!