Monday, April 11, 2011


do u ever just wonder y we do this to ourselfs? like i think about that all the time y do i do this to myslef y do i like the pain and the hurt so much. y do i eat food that i know is gonna just wreck my stomach y do i eat dairy when i do it makes me puke and y do i eat so much that im so nasouses and i have no other choice but to purge

yeah as u can tell my head is just a mess at the moment sorry
i purged yesterday woke up today with a heal of a sore throat a stuffy nose and i alil but of a bloody nose
i wanna purge now but my chest still hurts fromt yesterdays purge so im trying not too just laying here trying to distract myself

i went to the gym today burned 455 on elly and i cleaned my car a lil as well it was my nomral 3 hour car washing session its suppose to rain all week so ididnt wanna spend that much time on it just to have it rain but i got the inside all clean and all the dirt off of the outside and then i fucked it all up by eating

i rly dont have much to say my head is all confused
and i gotta try and find some1 2 work from me on thrusday the boy got tickets to the flyers game so now i gotta get some1 to cover for me and i was a stupid ass and said i coudlnt come in today when the one girl wanted me to cover for her but fuck its my first day off in days and i wanted to enjoy it i so should of went in god im such a stupid ass a stupid huge as hell fucking ass god dmanit hate myself


  1. Stay strong love. Know that I am here and support you. I hope all gets better! Truly! *hugs*

  2. There's a difference between talking a little negatively about yourself to get yourself motivated and just completely self-loathing. Get out of this funk and get back in the game! All talking about yourself like this is going to do is make you feel more depressed so let's end this bad mood and get going again! You can do it . xo

  3. I always think about the "whys" of life, of why we do it to ourselves...theres never a solid answer.
    I'm sorry you don't feel great right now, but it'll get better for you. Stay strong!