Monday, April 25, 2011


do u guys think im a fake? that my recovery was all just a made up scheme that i was just fooling myself into it or sometihng?

thats nt really making sense but my head is a mess but im starting to think that i was fooling myself thati m just a fraud that i dont really have an ed cause really no1 cares no1 notices the doctors could care less about my weight so really im not sick that the recovery was all just a haux of something mayb im just normal mayb all that i do to myself is normal i dont have a problem im perfectly normal

al the thoughts the voices the cutting and the pills the binging and the purging the over exercising the fasting and the restricting is all just normal cause there is no way that im sick cause if i was sick ppl would notice ppl would care ppl would wanna help me

but nope i dont get help cause im not sick im 5'5 and 106 lbs im not sick im not 25 percent under my weight now even close i would have to b 93 lbs for that i still get my period even though its fucked up even ont he pill my doc never says nething i have high cholestrol and high blood pressure i have dehyradtion and IBS my bloood work always comes out fine i guess idk he doesnt say enthing when he checked my cholestorl i knw it shows all the other stuff

my sickness and my chest pains my dizziness and my passing out my tiredness and fatique is all just for nuttin cause im healthy and fine and a happy person who doesnt have depression or anxiety who doesnt cut ur pain away or who use to drown it away with alcohol and pills

so am ij ust a fake a wannabe? i hate the wannabes but what if i am one of them ive never been diangnoed never been hospitalized never been sick enough to warrant that attention i guess

even if the boy does say hes gonna take me to the hosptial at times but u know what he doesnt cause he knows there isnt nething they can do cause im not sick


ok no for how my day is going
im sick again i can barely talk at least my throat isnt hurting as bad as it was but i can still barely talk my nose si stuffy and everytime i sniffle or try to breathe too hard i can feel the stuff dripping into my thorat i know what that is i have post nasal drip again an di need yet anotuh nasal spray but yeah im not going ive already had 2 this year i can deal with the nasal sprays nemore obv they arent helping so whats the point of going to the doc

i trie dto go for a walk yesterday but i was jsut so tired i was lagging behind my sis and mom and they keep saying come on dani u can do it like i was a 5 yr old im not a 5yr old i just wasnt feeling well but i did manage to make it thru the walk

easter wasok it wasj ust like a normal day in my house expcept my mom cooked we didnt go out to visit family fuck we didnt even eat as a family i ate in my room i had boiled potatoes and half spoonfuls of corn, 2 sppoonfuls of green beans and lil piece of turky. i snacke don a lil choc thru the day which made me run tot he bathroom but hey i was feeling bloated enway so it worked in my favor think i snackedon some nature valley bars and jelly beans as well idk i dont remmeber

i wanna go to the gym but idk what my body can handle so i have been laying in bed all day reading ive read like 3 fanfics in 2 days yes i read alot

i wen tot the store yesterday got capri suns, 2 mango, 2 cantalopes, and lipton cup of soups spring veggie flavor

i still have to get apples and bananas yes and ingredients to make my glutne dairy free macaroni salad. i spent alot of time online yesterday tyring to figure out what i wanted to amek and coudlnt decide on what to make and since its finally starting to get warmer out here i decided on the macroni salad


unbeautiful-thanx hun and coloring eggs was fun

struggle to b thin- i am lukcy to have hium ur right

stfusarah- i knew that shirt was from there i work there i stare at all the clothes all day long

sarah-thanx hun

a-i am so following u again what happend that u got found out?

zette-yes i do burn alot of cals running after those 3 lil monsters but i love them its all worht it in the end and i will def let u know whant i get around to reading them

danea- nah no daycare for me i love kids but i feel weird watching other ppls kids those 3 monster are my cousins i feel so ocmfortable around them

acka11- so u know hwo i feel at the end of the day then


  1. your legs look amazing in the last post! wow.
    Hope your having a better day and the world isnt getting you down.
    Much love and be strong

  2. You're not a fake. These thoughts, the urges, they are not normal. They belong to the ED. You have an ED. Don't try to talk yourself out of believing it. You are sick. If you want the help from people, ask. Don't wait for them to notice because by then it could be too late. You are strong and you deserve so much more than this. Keep fighting.

  3. Hey Dani,

    Please dont feel like a fake, because you are not. They are all ED related symptoms. Some doctors are crap (like mine was) and wont pay attention til you've got the correct BMI. Like unbeautiful says, if you want help, keep fighting them for it huni.

  4. You shouldn't question the reality of your situation, it illegitimizes everything you go through on a daily basis. Doctors can be idiots, I've dealt with a few. Don't let them make you feel like a fake!

  5. You are absolutely not fake... you've known for a long time that you need counseling. Family, friends, and even normal medical doctors aren't equipped to deal with eating disorders - some people don't really understand or ignore them because they don't know how to deal properly. We are here for you and we want you to get help. There has to be somewhere you can go...

  6. Darling, trust me you are most certainly not fake. There are so many people fighting inner battles that doctors shove aside and tell them there is nothing wrong. You do have an ED thing- as terrible as I feel reassuring you of this- you do have one.

    It really does suck when people don't notice or don't believe you when you say that something is wrong/admit to a problem.

    You're going to get through it though. Just rest and take some time out for yourself. We're all here for you darling.

  7. I dont think you're a fake. Just keep fighting and i know u'll be able to overcome this problems :)

  8. you're not a fake. don't worry about anyone or anything else, cause those kind of thoughts can play on you. just keep concintrating on yourself and your needs :)

  9. You're not a fake!! You know your own mind better than any doctor.
    We put up such strong, brave fronts for the doctors and other medical professionals, that maybe they're just convinced we're fine even though we're obviously not.

    I know you and I have similar reactions to doctors, so I thought maybe you run into the same problems that I do--it's like a never ending war with myself when I reach the point of actually needing a doctor. I put all of my energy into appearing totally fine, even if I feel like I'm about to drop dead with walking pneumonia and a 102 degree fever.

    We're too good at appearing sane and healthy. My worst fear is that They will eventually find out just how nuts I really am...

    Your date night outfit looked fab, as always!