4/27/11

im in love with this weather spring has finally hit new jersey and i cant b happier spring ismy fav season followed closley by summer
i love srping its warm but not to warm its just like perfect today it was in the 70's and i was perfectly fine and content in my jeans long seelve thermal and flip flops thats the perfect weather for me when i can go outside in that outfit and just b perfect not hot or cold just content and happy

ppl at work looked at me like i was crazy to wear that since it was so hot out but thats just perfect for me they dont understand that i am colder then most ppl i was even in a long sleeve shirt yesterday in 80 degree weather i had shorts on though but god i was just so happy that spring has finally got here it really helps brighten my moods

im tired of ppl making fun of me i can barely talk my voice is so raspy and i squick its bad u should hear me if i sotp talking for awhile its not to bad but once i start talking and the more i talk the worse it gets

i had customers at work tell me today how horrible i sound i had one coworker tell me to go home yeah i might sound bad but i dont feel bad i kicked the first part of the sickness i just cant talk nomral yet and from talking all day at work my throat is sore but im not in pain im on 3 aleve a day instead of 6 thats grosss there yeah i still feel the stuff dripping down my throat but o well

but i dont understand y ppl have to make fun of me for it my family laughs at me my one manager at work coudlnt even recognize me on the phone and said i need a new doc since im always sick hes like it seems like whenever the weather changed even the slightest ur sick

yeah that might b true but the turht i smy immune system is shot from my eating disorder and there is nuttin i can do about it i just deal with it yeah it sucks but u kinda get use to being sick all the time like i dont now how it is to feel healthy i just dont know and i prob will never know o well

i had my lil cousins yesterday and since i didnt have to work i spent 7 striaght hours with thme and it was the best 7 hours ever yeah i was completely ehxhasted after wards and ate to much but it was so so worth it

i got a shrot nap in with N he acutally fell alseep on me and i was missing my lil cuddle bug so i left him there while i layed down he slept over an hour i only slept like 30 mins but i kept waking up to make sure he was ok u know what i mean and yeah i didnt cathc him fast enough when he fell one time hes all over the place so he has a bruise on hes face from falling into the rocking chair that kid is just to damn fast

i spent alot of time outside with them we most of took like 3 walks we spent idk how many hours outside it was really fun ihave them tomm as well but i have to go into work at 2 so i will have them prob from liek 930-130 then my mom will have them fomr 130-300 then they get picked up

i havent gotten to c water for elephants yet my sis was home for easter but she has so much school work to do that we didnt get a hcance to go b4 she had to go back and then eysterday i had teh kids and im working the rest of the week so blah i really wanna c it though

but bright side iw as out with my sister and she was lookingin jcpenny i was browsing the clearnace racks and found long sleeve thermals witht he thumb holes for $1.97 i so bought 3 of them yay me :)

also go tmy self 4 more bags of jelly beans i really gotta kick that habit a box of tricsuit(idk y i eat them they fucking wreck my stomach) gum and a cute dress form target yay go me

i really think im a fucking maschostic or soemthing like damn i cause myself pain so many times cause i think i deserve it i eat food that i know will make me sick and in pain and i do it on purpose cause i fucking deserve it cause im a fat ass gors smothering elephant and i desrve to b in pain

food log for today got it was o much food hate myself

*mango
*5 mayb 7 handufl jellybeans
*lipton cup of soup srping veggie
*frui bowl(cup cantalope, banana, apple)- ididnt eat it all thers was still a few pieces of banans and some apple in there but my tummy statted to hurt
*3 pieces choc
*bowl of my speical macroni salad
*2 many triscuits

yup c fat ass and im scared to step on the scale fuck me