Wednesday, April 27, 2011


im in love with this weather spring has finally hit new jersey and i cant b happier spring ismy fav season followed closley by summer
i love srping its warm but not to warm its just like perfect today it was in the 70's and i was perfectly fine and content in my jeans long seelve thermal and flip flops thats the perfect weather for me when i can go outside in that outfit and just b perfect not hot or cold just content and happy

ppl at work looked at me like i was crazy to wear that since it was so hot out but thats just perfect for me they dont understand that i am colder then most ppl i was even in a long sleeve shirt yesterday in 80 degree weather i had shorts on though but god i was just so happy that spring has finally got here it really helps brighten my moods

im tired of ppl making fun of me i can barely talk my voice is so raspy and i squick its bad u should hear me if i sotp talking for awhile its not to bad but once i start talking and the more i talk the worse it gets

i had customers at work tell me today how horrible i sound i had one coworker tell me to go home yeah i might sound bad but i dont feel bad i kicked the first part of the sickness i just cant talk nomral yet and from talking all day at work my throat is sore but im not in pain im on 3 aleve a day instead of 6 thats grosss there yeah i still feel the stuff dripping down my throat but o well

but i dont understand y ppl have to make fun of me for it my family laughs at me my one manager at work coudlnt even recognize me on the phone and said i need a new doc since im always sick hes like it seems like whenever the weather changed even the slightest ur sick

yeah that might b true but the turht i smy immune system is shot from my eating disorder and there is nuttin i can do about it i just deal with it yeah it sucks but u kinda get use to being sick all the time like i dont now how it is to feel healthy i just dont know and i prob will never know o well

i had my lil cousins yesterday and since i didnt have to work i spent 7 striaght hours with thme and it was the best 7 hours ever yeah i was completely ehxhasted after wards and ate to much but it was so so worth it

i got a shrot nap in with N he acutally fell alseep on me and i was missing my lil cuddle bug so i left him there while i layed down he slept over an hour i only slept like 30 mins but i kept waking up to make sure he was ok u know what i mean and yeah i didnt cathc him fast enough when he fell one time hes all over the place so he has a bruise on hes face from falling into the rocking chair that kid is just to damn fast

i spent alot of time outside with them we most of took like 3 walks we spent idk how many hours outside it was really fun ihave them tomm as well but i have to go into work at 2 so i will have them prob from liek 930-130 then my mom will have them fomr 130-300 then they get picked up

i havent gotten to c water for elephants yet my sis was home for easter but she has so much school work to do that we didnt get a hcance to go b4 she had to go back and then eysterday i had teh kids and im working the rest of the week so blah i really wanna c it though

but bright side iw as out with my sister and she was lookingin jcpenny i was browsing the clearnace racks and found long sleeve thermals witht he thumb holes for $1.97 i so bought 3 of them yay me :)

also go tmy self 4 more bags of jelly beans i really gotta kick that habit a box of tricsuit(idk y i eat them they fucking wreck my stomach) gum and a cute dress form target yay go me

i really think im a fucking maschostic or soemthing like damn i cause myself pain so many times cause i think i deserve it i eat food that i know will make me sick and in pain and i do it on purpose cause i fucking deserve it cause im a fat ass gors smothering elephant and i desrve to b in pain

food log for today got it was o much food hate myself

*5 mayb 7 handufl jellybeans
*lipton cup of soup srping veggie
*frui bowl(cup cantalope, banana, apple)- ididnt eat it all thers was still a few pieces of banans and some apple in there but my tummy statted to hurt
*3 pieces choc
*bowl of my speical macroni salad
*2 many triscuits

yup c fat ass and im scared to step on the scale fuck me


  1. that's great! I love spring too and when it's warm it puts me in such good mood. Although I'm dreading to wear anything too relieving, like shorts! Brrr.

    And you're intake is good too, don't worry yourself about scales. Take care sweetheart x

  2. Spring is so therapeutic! I'm glad you're enjoying the weather! And those people getting on your case for being sick? Don't let them get you down!