4/7/11

so for once in godidk how many years i acutally slept thru my alarm as u knwo that rarely rarley happens since i barely sleep or never sleep and im alwasy up b4 my alarm but nope today i slept thru it

it wasnt that big of a deal considering that i didnt have to wo rk today but still i like to start my day off early yes i know im werid like that but neway i set my alarm for 5:45am for i could get up stretch relax a lil and read then make my protein shake and b out the door by 7 for the gym it also gives my tummy time to stop being an ass mornings arent good for me usually waking up running to the bathroom then downing some pepto

but neway yeah i set my alarm for 5:45 am and it went off i turned it off and layed there for a 2nd like i always do and then b4 i know it im jumping up cuasei knew soemthing was wrong an dits 6:45am fuck me so i jump outo fbed get to the bathroom down my pepto ha and run downstairs to make my protein sahke i did 3 tbsp soy protein mix(110) cup almond milk(35) half a mango(65) total= 210 not bad i coudl of dealt with then til i saw some of the cake my mom made still sittin gon the table its my fav italain like its a marble chiffon cake i had a peice of it last nite and it fucking wrecked my stomach but i coudlnt not have a another piece so i had a small piece this morning cals idk and im scared to look it up cause im sure its high as fuck and it will send me into a tailspin of a freak out but neway yeah i had that then ran to the bathroom again more pepto then got dressed to the gym wore long sleeve shirt soffe shorts and my knee hihg socks grapped my bag that had everyhing in it and then remeberedm y ipod ran downstaris thru water in my bag and grabbedmy shake and was ou the door at 7:30 am

i drink my shake on the way to the gym and i never finishit all cause it makes me feel so full so im still trying to drink it as i walk into the gym then i have to sit in the locker room and finish it but i do eventually get it done and then off to workout yay i really needed a work out i just did my normla 65mins on elly at level 5 and burned 452 cals so at least i burned something off this morining and i also tanned after as well for 8 mins so im feeling a lil better the stomach doesn hurt as mcuh cause the exercise does help it

but i just paid y credit card bills and realized that i really ahve no extra money til i get paid again and i just got paid this week so it means i wont get paid for another weeks god damnit it was just the miniumum payment on each of them but still my cards are high wichi makes the miniumum payment high so yeah and then i need gas in my car ugh fucking gas is so expensive and then money for when we go out to eat this wkd since we split everything which means i have no extra money i will have alil in my account but not much and my car insurance and car payment is do in 2 weeks so once i get paid again i will have to pay that so no food shopping for me next week and im almost out of fruit so i guess i will b eating the canned soup that i have but it just hurts my tummy so much but hey what am i gonna do i dont have the extra money so we do what we have to do im getting really tired of living paychecek to paycheck i wish ididnt have to worry about money so much but that and food is alwasy on my mind ofjust fucking lovley

but i had my cousins yesterday well not all 3 of them P had preschool and i had to work at 2 so ididnt get to c her at all and imiss my lil munchin so much but i got to c the 2 lil boys wow they got big N is starting to crawl alil and he sits up on hes own and rolls around on the floor its the cutest thing ever and B well hes still the same not talking much but we are working out it.

i was sitting on the floor with N rolling a ball well sorta rolling a ball back and forth best the lil guy could too but B was getting jealous cause i wasnt palying with him too so he kept throwing balls at my head and those fuckers hurt cause it would hit my glasses but it was cute and i love him neway and hes use to me playingwith him too so i understand were he came from so i palyed with both of them at the same time. of course i got thrown up on like firhg tb4 work so i had to run upstairs to get changed didnt have time for a 2nd shoer though but i got changed and B came upstairs with me netime i go upstairs he wants to come so i bring him with mei dont mind at all and hes so cute climibing up the stpes but damn its so hard trying to get ready when u got a 15month old getting into everything but he cracks me up i had to sithimon the counter when i was brushing my teeth and he ended up standing up so imholidng on to him and burhsing my teeth at the same time its all good though i love them andi would do nething for them he didnt want me to go and i wish that ididnt have to go but i did hopeuflly i will get to c them next week all 3 of them

i worked from 2-930 yesterday then called and wanted me to come in at 1230 yeah i said no i have a long enough day as it was and trust me i was exharusted by the time i got out of work and i ate way to much and i hatemyself for it ugh fuck meim never gonna get my weight down if i keep eating so much yes i know im suppsoe to b recovering but as u can tell my head doesnt like that to much i just go with the flow most of them time c how the day feels if i dont feel like eating much i dont if im having an ok day andmy head is leaving me alone then i will eat a lil more usually freak out after but hey imworking on it

i sitll have to watch black swan yet i keep meaning too but im jsut so tired all the time an dijust dont like it im use to being tired but this is like exhaustion not my thing but neway i gotta shower causse i havent yet since my workout
love u all stay strong and safe

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dying to be pretty-yes imiss them big time yeah its still all trial and error but im working on it

anonoymous-u kinda get use to the pain after awhile it still sucks if u know wha ti mean. i hope that u do get to go to new york some day

skiiny_el-thanx hun it will never b competley sorted out IBS doesnt work like that it will alwasy b there and there will alwasy b pain but im trying

mich-omgi know the pretzels hurt so damn bad i dont go into hottopic much i never really did but they did have good twiligh saga posters so yeah but i jsut went in to c what they have yes i do like hummus and i have bought it b4 but i can never eat the hole conatainer b4 it goes moldy. dam nsorry i didnt tell u lol but we are gonna go again when it gets warmer fo rthe day just to walk around and shop and i will def tell u when ha i love me some skeeball :) and i feel alseeo so i only saw the first hour of the killing the first hour was good at least i just gotta find it online fori can watch all of it

desepree-yes im trying everyhting hurts its just certain things hurt more omg yes u def have to c wicked it was so good i def recommend it

danae- yeah that would b a long drive there for u im lukcy its only like hour and half depending on traffic

c2-thanx for that but im trying to stop my diet pill use

mandagin- omg yesh ur right ther about the m&ms and the skittles ha i took alot of medicne on that trip to keep me ok