12/7/10

so yeah i really dont have much to say cause i binged again today i saw im not gonna do it nemore that the next day i will do better and everything will b ok i will lsoe the weight i gained and i will look bettter and not hate myself as much as i do now but yeah that all went down hill today ugh i suck

well this moring i ate: cup of southerwestern soup, mango, few chips, and some ice cream
before work had a banana
at work at a promgrante fruit bar
dinner had can of low sodium healthy choice chicken noodle soup
after dinner half a bag of baked tostios and almost a hole box of generic iced animal crackers

yup im fat and gross an di hate myself and y can tijust fucking stop eating al ready god mdanit fucking sucks i need to get my contorl back but tis so hard with working somuch and then having to worry about my damn heart the heart monitor strap digs intp my ribs at work it starts to hrut after awhile ugh i relaly hate msyle fna dmy life

work wnet good though 5 hour shift today i kept moving most of the time a dim getting to know the other workers more but its so fucking cold in the store i had on a long sleeve shirt and a sweater an di was so cold tomm i work 9 hours ima just wear a nice warm bagggy sweatshirt i cant b an icicle for 9 hours it just wont work.
but yeah work i spend my days putting clothes away and folding clothes im not trained on register so i dont do that but they ahve strted to put me in the fitting room we all get an hour shift in there and it gets boring casue u just stand around but tis good u can zone out in my case let my mind wonder give it a break but its even colder in there

after work today id eicdd to go ot target and get some snacks for i have them here for my 5 or shorter hour shifts at work i can just bring some snacks my longer shift i will bring acutal food but it back fired a lil as u can tell by my binge but i got
*baked tostios
*iced animal crackers
*peppreidg e farm light bread 45 cal a slice
*2 v8 soup boxes
* 100 cal packs of prinles
*2 boxes fruit strips 45 cals for one
*nautre valley bars oats and honey
* ritz pretzel crackers

i also made plan for tomm sinc eim working 9 hours ima need nergy and everything so i go tmy food plan down

b- oatmeal and 1 slice 45 cal toast
l(i get an hour break)- fruit bowl apple banana and mango
snacks at work(15 min breaks)- 2 fruit strips
d-grilled chicken and soemthing else dk what yet

and i will prob have a snavk b4 bed if i really need it dont know what it will b though

and i really shoudl of went on friday and got stitches my cut is gross i cut friday i reopened in on satruday and i hit it today and it started bleeding it still bubbles when i clean it with peroxide and its like a nice gapping hole its gonna b a nasty ass scar
i rly gotta try adn break that habit again

thank u guys for ur comments on my last post it relaly means alot