2/1/11

so becky posted this self ahrm survery on her blog and she wanted answers so im ansering th e survey here on mine


Self-Harm Survey

Age: 25

Birthday: 1/18 (capricorn)

Label yourself (prep,goth,druggie,weirdo, etc.): crazy

How long have you been cutting?: 2 years

Favorite tool?: Box cutter blades

Where (place) do you cut? (school,home, etc.): mostly at hoome in my room but i have cut in the shower and at work

Do you have to hide your whole arm(s) (wrists,forearms, and upper arms etc): yeah i do ih ave to hide from my wrist up to my elbow

Do you have to wear long-sleeves and long-pants all the time?: yeah i should but i do nt i hide my bad scars but i let the not so bad ones out

Do you cut on your stomach, or chest?: yes stomach and ribs not chest

Do you cut on your hands, neck, or face?: no

Are your legs, arms, and other body parts covered in scars?: lower stomach, ribs, wrist, arms molsty right arm but some of left as well,ankles, and thighs

What’s your favorite excuse to use when someone asks about a cut/scar?: i just say that they are scars and i dont elaborate or nething they cant think what they want

Off the top of your head, about how many scars do you have?: way to many

Have you ever been hospitalized because of your cutting?: no

Do you have (diagnosed or not) Depression, and/or Bipolar/BPD?: iv enever been diagnoes but i do suffer from depression its just undiagnosed

Who knows you cut?: my one good friend

Have you ever been caught cutting?: No yay for that

Did you have a good childhood?: yeah i guess i did

Why do you cut?: it makes me feel numb it makes everything ok for a few seconds

Have you ever talked to a therapist or counselor?: no

Do you want to stop cutting, but can’t because of addiction?: i wish i could but i cant i have treid ijust cant

Do you like cutting?: Yeah it keeps me calm

How many times have you tried to commit suicide?: ive thought about it alot

What are your views on cutting, and other self-injury?: i wish that ppl would think so negative about it not everyone who does it is trying to kill themselves some are just doing it for a realease for a high.

Do you like watching movies with Self-injury?: Yes

Do you like looking at pictures of Self-injury?: it depends

Do you sometimes envy other people? (non-self-injurers): yesh i envy thtat thye dont have to worry about hiding the scars or the cuts they can b so carefree and wear what ever they want

Have you ever taken any pictures of your cuts/scars?: yes i have nearly all of them

Do you want to die? if yes, Why?: i wanna die but i dont wanna die u know what i mean i just want everything to stop but i dont wanna hurt the ppl i love

Have you ever done a school assignment on cutting, or self-injury?: no

What do you like to listen too while cutting?: whatever is on the tv at the moment

Have you ever needed stitches from cutting?: Yes but never went to get them hence the really bad scars

Do you dream about cutting?: Not really

Would you rather have a boyfriend/girlfriend that is also a cutter? no i dont want them to feel th epain that i feel

What do you use to bandage your cuts after a session?: usually just a bandaide


so yeah there are my answsers to the question i hope that it helsp ppl understand me alil more

so today ugh today wasj ust crazy i worke up feeling extrmeley weak heart poudning out of my chest and my legs so weak and shaky i though i was gonna fall over which idont understand caues i slept so much last nite ive been crashing out/passing out every nite form exhasution like 9pm i am out like a light an di iwill wake up a few times thru the nite but i will fall right back asleep and that is not me not me at all i usually sleep like 4 hours anite but now imjust sleeping somuch and im still so exhasuted my fatique is at an all time high and idk y idk y im so tired all the time and i keep binging so the food should give mme energy but its not its not at all i reallly gotta stop this binging

i was really thinking about calling out of work today but i knew that i couldnt cause the school swere closed and the one girli know would call out cause she would need to stay home with her daughter so i had to go in and it was icy soi didnt drive my yuncle came and picke dme up and drove me into work andmy dad picked me up after

i got there and it wasj ust me and the mean manager until the other girl got there and the other 2 managers so it was just us 5 for the day and with the weather it was so damn slow i mean like dead slow we didnt get our first sale til 1 pm. and it was shipment day and i never do shipment they have certain ppl who do that and i usually just stay ont he register but since alot of ppl calle dout cause of the weather i had to help with the shipment so i spent 4 hours straight monving clothes aroung and opening boxes and taking clothes out and all that jazz. and when i say move clothes around imean alot of close basically redid the hole mens seciton and the manager had me doing everyting climbing the ladder and putting extras in upstock moving stuff to clearance moving hole sections of clothes to a different section so yeah i was exhausted and i have no idea how many cals i burned i hope a good share of an amount cause i totally just binged. i was suppsoe to work 10-6 but we ended up closing at 5 so i got out an hour early and dad slide once cominghome.

we are in a winter ice storm wraning thingy like we are suppose to get alot of ice and we could possibly lose power tomm so mom was nice and did my laundry for me today just in case i cant do it tomm she even folded it too i wasnt expecting that but she did and i got my sheats on my bed and tomm ima do a full room cleaning since i wont b able to get to the gym cause of the damn ice

im wathicng one tree hill right now and then i gotta to curnches and keepmy ass up for i can watch teen mom 2 at 10pm

i totally crashed out last ntie and missed pretty little liars last nite so now i gotta watch it online

so yeah food wise today ugh i did good during the day until after work so yeah ugh

at breakfast i had a mango and a few choc pieces just alil not enough to make me sick

then on my hour lunch break at work i had a fruit bowl banana 4 apple slices and grapes and cherries(the one manager bought us pizza but i cant eat that id get so sick if i did)

snack after work had a fre grapes and a bite of brownie

and then there is dinner and this is were i totally fucked up
*few fries
*3 honey bbq chicken bites
*4 rice krisy treats
*and a can of progressive rosted veggies and chicken soup

ugh hate myself for that binge im never gonna lose weight if i keep eating that damn much ugh fuck me

drinks
*2 mugs green tea
*liter of water
*2 cups of juice-20 cals


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undesirble number1- yeah i checked and it wouldnt work for me ugh mayb its just my computer beinga bitch idk bu ti love reading ur blog so i hope that i can read it again soon i love fruit u shoudl def eat more of it its so yummy and tasty and i dont feel quilty eating it

riahbear- wow sorry that u had that happen to u hun ugh hate covering for ppl

skeleton strong- i dont always get everything that i need to do done but i try i hate when my plans get all fucke dup it just messed everything up
and if u do things while wathced tv itmakes it go quicker if u ask me def try adn find the oats and dark choc they are relaly good

sarah-thanx hun i think i am always stressed

mandagin-ugh y cant ppl jsut mind there own business already