2/28/11

so i decided to weigh myself t his moring just to c were i was sinc ei had an ok day food wise yesterday im trying to not weigh tmyself everyday nemore im currently failing at that though im trying to get it done to like once a week trying to not let the scale run my life now its just not going well yeah so neway the scale said 105 lbs ugh im really starting to hate that number

so right now i got in front o fmy 2 liters of water, cup of hot caffeiene free green tea, and some of the vb fusion tea promgrante juice(its cautally not bad) now ima try and drink all of that b4 the nite is over try i kno wi prob wont finish all the water but im dirnk as much as i can

so food log lets get this outo f the way now

*3 choc chip cookies
*mango
*50 cal cup of chicken noodle soup
*grapes
*grilled chicken salald with dried cranbnerries and small oragne slices with lil italina dressing
*2 cups hot caffeine free green tea
*liter of water

i had to work today 12-6 so i was on my feet for 5 and half hours straight i only can sit when im on my break and i got a 30 min break as per usual for my lunch
i nearly feel at work today too as u all know im not feeling well so yeah but i almost fell a couple times really so a few times was ont he ladder they had me pulling sutff out of up stock and i got alil dizzy but didnt fall its its not like a normal ladder is has sides to it so i can just grab on to it and another time i was just walking around the fitting room and my legs juts completley gave out and i stumbled and grabbed onto something real qucik now no iw asnt gonna pass out i wasnt gonna balck out i was just weak and my legs coudlnt hold me nemore

evyerhing at work is surprised im still stanidng and im not in the hosptal yet cause im so weak and so sick buti m suttbonr an di just keep going ud b surprised what u can push ur body to do when ur really determined

i should have my insurance this week so i will prob go to the doc next week i want the scale to b alil lower mayb the doc will realize i have a problem finally
and i wanna get soemthing for my depression and my anxiety but i dont know how do i just ask him or what like what would u guys do?

i cant work out yet i tried to do some cruncehs yesterday and they just hurt my chest so much ugh i cant wait til i can get a sweaty workout in i really need it

yesterday i was home alone all day i was suppsoe to go with my mom to my aunts house but i woke up feeling even worse adn the day b4 my heart palpations were so bad they kept me up and i was starting to get a fever so i stayed home in bed i watched all the preshows for teh oscars on E and then u wanna know what happened my ass feel asleep and missed the hole show i watched all the pre shows adn the red carpets and then miss the show ugh mother fucker hate myself for that but i guess i needed tthe sleep ugh but fuckers still

i have off of work tomm so i might try and cleanmy room and im debating if i wanna go to the grocery store to get more grapes and cup of soups

well love u all gonna read alil then watch pretty little liars

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ash-my doc is an assfuck and i hate him but hes teh nicest one i had so far yeah i know thats saying soemthing and he gives me alil price break on stuff how did u get ur dperssion meds form ur normal doc did u just ask

happiness- it would b kinda cool to c hwo crazy i really am with mythoughts u know what imean and im so not tiny

mich- i dont hve much luck with docs i always get teh assholes