6/9/11

i just need to say that my lil couisn broke my heart today nearly had me in tears see i watch her and her brothers ive been watching them all since they were born shes 4yrs old her brothers are 18 months and 8 months so it was just her for awhile and today she just broke down in tears saying how she got bigger and she cant do the things that she use to do nemore that shes not lil and her brothers are alwasy around it broke me shes sitting there bawlin gher eyes out and it broke me it really did no lil girl should feel like should b crying cause of that so i made it my day to make her happy to spend my hole day with her and to not c her cry like that. i wanted to cry with her she was so upset and so sad and she coudlnt even get her thoguhts out thats how bad she was crying an di never want to c her like that again.

so me and her spent all day upstairs in my room im usually downstaris helping out my mom wit the 2 boys as well but today i had to spend time with her it was dani and munchin day it had to b i cant c her that broken againi just cant. so we made osme bracletes together, drew pictures, she drew on my white board. played barbies, did a puzzle, colored in coloring books, watched phinus and ferb, spongebob, mickeymouse, big time rush and victiouris. we even jumped on my bed yeah i know no jumping on the bed but i need to made her happy we played jump on dani and bite dani and tickle munchin nething to hear that lil girl laugh

im not gonna talk abou tmy eating cause it wasnt great today i snacked to much and shared alot of food with her but i did take 3 diet pills and im bout to do a major room clean cause its gross and my dada put my ac in last nite thank godi can workout in my room now.

still havent heard from the dealership yet bout my car but they will call when its ready

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ivy-yes is wat nice cause me and him have butt heads for year so it was a good visit. dp u still not wear ur braclets? i was only able to go that one day with out them my anxiety has been too bad to do it again.

lou-yeah i hate how things are just so much money nemore its like really america really and thanx hun im ok i hop eur doing well i know ur in a tought spot right now im hear if u wanna talk

scared blogger- ha my blog is just a way to make sense of my life pretty much and i have to take them sereioulsy its my health adn u dont get that back and i knowmine isnt good neway but at least i can help it not get worse planned parenthood is a womens health clinic u get ur yearly guno visits, u can buy borth contorl get condoms pregency test but its lower price like its more afforable and its relaly great for ppl who dont have insurance. ha that post took me awhiel to write b4 i kept taking breaks and i got pills cause i need them they are like a safety net for me yeah i havent been otu with out the bracelets since it was jsut that one day i havent been able to do it sicne

bones- i know it was teh first good one i had it was surprising u know. thanx hunny ur a great person too u konw that right

coffee-yes im glad too

mich-i know i was jsut as surprised as u prob are bout the doc appt it was wow just crazy for once and yay shopping spree at kohls. yeah i dont have an office job yet im just in retail but ur write there is a time and place to show them adn it was liberating that first day it was great but ive been way to anxious to do it again im too scared to take them of fi managed taht one day and it was great but makes me evenmore scared. yes im on day idk purge free lost count but im proud of myself nwo id i could just get off the pills it would b better but that will take time yeah my doc didnt apy attention to the other numbers so o well

emma- yeahi havent been brave enoughi only went out with out them that one day adn that was it i havent been able to do it since i know teh kittnes are cute they are still scared and they wont come to use but we are tyring to make nice witht hem for we can find them a home. i dont do nehting speical to my hair it is acutallyr eally damamged adn it falls out alot but i guess it looks healthy to u guys

kitkat-thanx hun i feel like i make progress bu then take a few steps back so idk

CE- yeahi know the bc is really effective we were just being extra cautios b4 but not nemore my visits when fine he doesnt apy attetnion to the other numbers just the choestrol numbers

desesperee- ha yeah ihad sex ed u crazy girl idk we were just being extra careful i guess and i was always on bc and i know pull out isnt effective and trust me ive had my fair sahre of scares wheni wasnt on the pill even had some on the pill but we are ok does ur supply run out quikcer cause io nly get a years worth since i sue planned parenthood and i dont wanna fuck nething up by u know skipping things but mayb i wll try it like if my period falls on week he has vacation time cause that would just suck i will def look into that water we dont have many healthy food stores heare just big chain grocery stores small town remember but i will look for it

skinnygirl- not to b mean but i know purging is bad fuck ne eating disorder is bad and i now purgign fucks up everything im not stupid ive had eating problems my hole life but take care of urself hun

aly-thanx hun im a headband whore ihave so many of them