Tuesday, June 14, 2011


i so meant to blog like 2 days ago it just never happend i got caught up with everything and my eating disorder is juts killing me right now im back into my binge cycle except its not my nomral cycle where i purge it up afterwards nopeim juts bining and eating way to much and just letting it sit in there i wanna purge trust me i really want to bad but i cant let myself go back trhu that again ugh fuck me u shouldn c how big and puffy and gross i am im just huge i cant even step ont he scale no wonder the docs didnt weigh me last week i most look like ive gained weight i must look much bigger and healthier for them to just blow me off like that ugh and to top it off ihavent even been to the gym either uknow me and exrcise are like best friends im an exercise addcit i need it its a drug to me but fuck ihavent been there i just cant face it i was gonna so sat sincei had off but i coudtn get out of bed i was so noasues and then sunday i got called into work just as i was gettign upt o get dressed to go monday i had to work today i babysat tomm i work thursday im babystting again firday i have off as of now soi better make myself go then according to my exerise log on my phone i havent been tot he gym since june 6th wtf is that tahts just fucking fuckedup and so fuckign wrwong like fuck what was i thinking fucking hell i gotta stat doign soemthing cuase sincei m not purging my food its in me an dmaking me fat/ im backing to taking my diuretcis and those fat burning pills i have and i also found a bottle of the acai cleanse pills i use to take but had to stop cause of my bowel/stomach issues but now since my ibs is in the im not gonna let u go stage im takign them again ima finsih the bottle of i have then get another and another i need to lose weight at all costs right now ijust cant stay this way nemore i just cant ugh fuck me i need to weighmyself i cant face the scale though

so binged today this is whati ate

*3 choc chip cookies
*bowl of cereal(frosted flakes and special k mix with almond milk)
*8 or 10 twizzlers prob 10
*tomato sandwhich(gluten free bread 2 slices miracle whip and 3 slices tomaot)
*1 piece white bread with butter(munchin shared killed my stomach)
*1 orange creamsicle
*plate of fries with bbq sauce
*bag of baby potato veggie mix
*vegan choc mint pudding

see imf at look at all the food i have in me and yes its in me cause i didnt purge and i coudlnt work out cause i had my 3 lil munchins today love them but fuck do i eat even more when they are here fuck im fat i'll try to not eat nemore today i really will

i have a killer headache right now i tookd 4 diuretcis adn 2 acai cleanse pillls so far today i really need to do crunhces or puke or better yet just not eat ever again that sounds so much better

i treid a new recipe i have it here for u guys

vegan choc mint pudding

*3 tbsp light brown domino sugar pure cane- 135 cals
*2 1/2 tbsp cornstarch- 75 cals
*2 tbsp nestle toll house pure 100 percent cocoa- 30 cals
*2 cups unsweetned almond milk- 70 cals
*1 tsp pure mint extract- 0 cals

total cals for batch- 310 cals

* in a saucepan combine sugar, cornstarch, and cocoa powder, milk, and mint extract give a qucik stir
*place saucepan overmedium heat and stir until pudding begins to thicken
* dry ingredients will not combine with milk at first but as the liquid heats the solids will mix in as long you keep stirring the thickening can take awhile
*whe liquid has thikcened remove pot from burner and continue to stir as mixture cools or till it froms a skin then refrigrate til it is set

i didnt sitr mine enough i was trying to do other tings as well and u can tell cause it came out clumpy like all the cornstarch didnt mix but i willl remmber that next time

so pics then we got it right off the burner, then after it cools, and then in the containers the recipe said 5 servings but i got 6 out of it so with 6 servings its 51.6 cals per serving. i kept dropping my spoons in it too im a klutz i dropped like 3 spoons in there ugh


  1. i'm sorry about the binge :(
    we're here for you

  2. That pudding looks delicious! I couldn't make it, though, because I'd just eat the whole batch immediately on my own!

  3. Oh babe :( so so sorry about the binge. I know it's hard but forgiving yourself and saying "hey it's ok to eat" will help.
    you are loved here ok?

  4. Sorry about the bingeing, I've been the same way lately, just eating eating EATING non-stop. We'll get out of this funk!!

    Altho I'm glad I'm not the only one who mixes cereals. :D

    That recipe looks fun. I've added it to my recipe folder!