8/9/11

sp i go c the gastroennterolist on august 18th at 4pm and its kinda verve wracking u konw cause what is he gonna tellm e am i to fucke dup or am i just fine and all mypains and issues are just null and void

but ugh im looking at the paperwork an di have to fill it on one page is alist of all medication im taking so of course iw ill put done my birth control, mychoelstrol meds and my vitamins(i fianlly started taking them again) im not gonna put down the b12 and biotin that i have a hbit of taking way to many of but im not doing it everyday so yeah im and im trying to stop it and now onto the fiber pills i take like up to 8 a day almost everyday and i dont want him to yell at me for that so would it b bad to just put like i take 4.

it also ask if ive lost weight and yeah im alwasy lsoing and gaining weight so i guess i shoudl but yes on there but they wanna know how much idk how much sincei dont have my scale so shoudl i guess or just put like a question mark for that?

i will answer allt he stomach issues truthfully no matter how embarrasing they are buti have to since it is the stomach doctor

and then on the on page it has al ist of things to chekc if u experience here is the list

*headache-yes
*chestpain-yes
*wheezing
*easy bruising-yes
*weakness/paralysis-yes
*fever-yes
*palpitation-yes
*shortness of breathe-yes
*arthritis
*dizzy/ light headed-yes
*chills-yes
*fainting-yes
*burning on urination
*rashes/ sking problems
*seizures or tremors
*night sweats-yes
*cough-yes
*vaginal bleeding-idk what they mean but this yeah i bleed when hav emy period
*swelling
*eye problmes-yes

like how fucked up does it make me that i have to chekc almost all of them like i said ima b as honest as i can and if he does come out and ask if i have an eating disorder theni will say yes but i wont out myself

and ygh i hate america and the job market i cant find a job ive applied to 6 jobs int he last 2 weeks and no call from ne of them i apply even if i dont meet lal the reguiremtns cause realy how am i gonna have th eexperince if no1 will give me a chance int eh first place u know ugh the only experience i have is in retail and i will not work in retail the rest of my life i just refuse too im better then that i cant get a better job if someone will just give me a damn chance like fuck

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acka11-thanx i try and amtch the pics witht he lyrics it makes it more real i knwo u woudl never call me stupid its just alot of ppl have and its ahrd

skinnygirl- i will never ge tmy scale back its prob in a landfill by now and c i dont use typical thinspo sincei dont look at it like that i look at it as art. im use to things being bad

zoe-ur more then welcome to use it if u want

ayden- dont feel bad hun its better then having the boyworry about me even more

desesperee-o hunu really dont have to amke me nething its ok u have ur life to worrybout u shoudlnt have to worry about me

rachel b nutt-always here for u hun and i dont think ur fat so dont think that either im so proud of u for tyrign to b healthier its great i wish i coiudl but im so fucked up

bones-sometimes ijust dont feel strong though i awlasy eat now when im feeling weak but sometimes it just doesnt u know my body is just so messed up i hav emy good days and my bad days

sarah- alwasy htere for u hun

scared blogger- thanx ais for alwasy being there for me it means alot

CE- love u too hun

brittney- im trying to stay safe its just hard

americaneagle- thanx hun i wish i coudl c what u guys c but nope sadly i dont. lol it wasnt creepy just do some crucnhes everyday and ur abs will start coming too and yeah my scale isnt coming back he made me throw i tout so its in a landfill somewhwere ugh

thingueen1- i feel allt he jelly though

samzi-im only5'5 hun im not tall or nething

black angel- thanx hun

zoe- yeah idk my conversions nemore i really gotta learn them again

loseit- thanx for ur guess hun i kinda knwo my weight now

more then me- i love my tattoo too yeah i know he loves me and hes just trying to make sure im ok but its still hard u know

aly-yeah c i didnt do that chunk on purpose it was an accident

meghann-c i got my tape measure taken away too so i cant even measure at all but thank u for th eparagraph and u can write as much as u want no matter what and when ok thanx for it though an didk how long i was alwasy into sports so i guess its just nautral to have abs im not a face book person but u can email me at danirkt@hotmail.com if u want thats my msn too

mich yes i have alwasy been a clutz its horrible and yeah mines take for ever to heal and bleed and juiced out for like 2 days disgusitng i know im so going to have to look into the smelling salts it woudl b better thene ating so much. what even is nomral like really what is eating normal caus i have no idea yeah chrons is the worst thats what my grandmother had i know meds will help if there even is nething wrong with me who knows

lilah lee- yeah its hard to want to do it on ur own an dim not doing well with it either but i dont have a choice right now so o well

needlesedge- yes u shoudl take teh plunge too anad get urself checked out