7/14/10

so last nite after i psoted i royally fucked up and i mean a bad fuck up not a lil one that is like ok u'll do better tomm imean a huge one one where u just wish u could cut right into ur stomach and pull all the food out just for u could feel empty again yeah one of those so after i posted af 2 bowls of cookes and cream ice cream, bag of microwavable popcorn, sf pudding cup and cookies how many cookies i coudlnt tell u i lost count but it was a mixture between vienna fingers and choc chip ugh. no i didnt eat it all in one sitting i had the ice cream an dfew cookies first then i did crucnhes watched secret like then had teh popcorn preoceeded to freak the fuck out like bad did more crucnhes and then had more ice cream cookies and pudding yeah i know idk what complelled me to eat so fucking damn much but yeah it happened my stomach still hurt so most of the day today. i wanted to buff so bad u have no idea how bad i wanted to my chest was screaming at me i felt the food coming back up and if i let myself get up and walk tot he bathroom it would of came up so easily but i didnt i was good i stayed curled in a ball o my bed and i didnt let myeslf go down that road again im so proud of myself for that cause i struggle alot with mia so its a huge step for me to ingore it when the urge was that fucking big and loud and just annoying


so the plan today was to fast and i did good all morning and at work and then like 2pm cam and my heart started bothering me so i had a lil snack and diecded to have some dinner later all and all it ended up being a good day i didnt eat to much and i fasted part of the day yay yay yay go me


after work i came home and strted my laundry and i was planning on looking for a job yeah needless to say over 5 hours later i didnt get to that yet i got myself distracted. i deicded to slowly start going on all the restrruant websites the ones that we go to alot and write down the meals that i could c myself eating with out freaking out to much adn writing donw the cals. i got one donw today Red Robin that one took me al il longer cause they have this customize section were u can customize ur meals take otut he cheese or whatever and htey rework the cals for u so yeah i had a lil to much fun on there just trying different things out


theni wanted to find some low cal low sodium soup recipes. ilove soup but the canned ones are just so high in sodim and im not suppsoe to b eating much of that so i have to becareufl yeah i spent a few hours on this one webiste just looking around it was so cool i found alot of stuff i liked but i settles on 4 different reciples 2 soups and 2 desserts. my ana friend the one i talk to everyday is also going to school to b a cheif so she reworked the recipes cause they gave u so many servings the one soup is asparagus i psoted the recipe on pt and dp is u guys are interested well its suppose to make 6 servings she worked it out fori can make 1 serving at a time love her for that also found a tomato salas spicy soup thing oringally like 20 servigns worked it out for 3 the asparagus is 72 cals per serving i think the tomato on eis like 50 or something i dont remember

the 2 desserts i found are blueberry muffins 98.4 cals for 1 and then cranberry almond oatmeal cookies 64.5 per serving

there was alot of other things on there that i wanna try but gonna try these first eventually and then try other ones

im aslo trying to get cuaght up on all the fanfic sotry updates i have to read with me being depressed and not checking email for 3 days i have like 25 or so updates to read yeah gots lots of reading to do im working on it slolwy



food log:
breakfast
*half bottle of water
*cup of hot promgrante green tea

at work 10-1pm
*liter of water

at home1-6pm(doing all the stuff i mentioned above)
*cup of diet hot choc-25 cals
*bottle of water
*choc chips 70 cals
*2 rice cakes- 70 cals

dinner
*liter of water
*2 small apples with cinnamon-120 cals
*salad((lettuce(20), 6 pickle chips(25), 2 slice veggie protein turkey(50), 3 cherry tomatos cucumber(5), 5 sprays rapsberry walnut dresssing(5))


so i entended to clean my room today too yeah i didnt get tot hat either so i should work on that as well i did mangage to listen to the eminmen cd 3 times in a row though i know im addcited