Sunday, March 13, 2011


thank u guys so much for ur help on my last post

*ce- thank u hun an di know its gonna take time and all that

*mich-the closest support gorup that i found b4 was 45 mins away from me at somerset medical and i have to take 78 to get there i hate that highway idk if u know it but its like a fuckign deathtrap i will try and look around for therapist but im in a small town

*thinmint-im tyring to take the plunge but its so hard and i will never fully b better

*acka11-thanx hun i have no idea what is at the bottom of my ed so i guess the therapist would work on that everyhting is just so confusing

i did do some research today and i live in a small town the closest ed therapist is 31 mins away and the 2nd closes is 42 mins away gotta love smallt owns i like thats its not busy but if i lived in a bigger town then i would have more options u know

the closest one is a private practice and has a website that i looked at it sounds intersting they dont take insurance well they do put u pay upfront and then its the insurance companys policy to reimburst u do idk about that i gotta talk tot he boy c what he thinks u know

and if i go to the 2nd one they i talked ot her int he apst wellnot really talked she did leave a voicemail and she sounds so nice but she is always the one that said ishoudl get an ed assesment and be in the hopsital to break the cycle

so idk my head ijsut so confused and imjust so lost and idk what to think nemore its all so confusing and a constant battle in my head

the plan for today was to go to teh gym get back into it just walk int he tready and read i knwo i cant do a major workout yet cause i still feel like ima drop and i get idzzy everyday im dizzy as i right this so sorry and ijsut ate a banana and my heart is going nuts u think food would help my body nope im the opposity app it makes me feel worse idk nemore

i wokred yestreday and had to keep leaningon things causei almost went down so many times at home b4 work i did go down after work i had some soup b4 work i had a salad so i am eating but nto eating neough so whatever

but neway after work i layed down intent to watch tv and wait for the boy to call when he was home fromt he boy yeah welli passedout or crashed idk but next thing i know its 630 am and then i look at the clock again and its 10am so idk wtf happend

i work up right arm completlty alseep face numb head spinning heart going nuts much like how i feel now so ugh idk what is going on with him im having toruble typing this cause i cant concentrate at all

food so are 2day: 2 banans, few grapes and some nerd jelly beans. i plan so mak ea nice grilled chicken salad and the near future

im watching aladdin on abc family love th old school disney movies

well love ua l l back to idk whatever the hell im doing


  1. i think therapy might be a good idea... That way you can get to the root of your problem and figure out exactly why it's so hard for you to stop.
    hope all goes well

  2. i was watching alladin too lol!
    therapy sounds good, with all the health problems you've had getting some control back could help you feel better.

    i hope everything works out alright. feel better soon, dear xoxo

  3. You usually use the elliptical at the gym right? I'm wondering if there is some other kind of exercise that might be better suited to your heart condition and overall health, that will still allow you to work out and feel strong and energized but won't make you pass out! Have you ever tried yoga or pilates? Has a doctor every recommended anything? I worry about you!