7/24/10

so i decided with the whole job search thing that im just going to apply neway. i fi find a job that i like that interest me that im going to apply regardless of if i meet al the requirments mayb they will acutally give me a chance then u know i just have to keep going keep plugging along

yesterday was just blah i was doing good food wise thru out the day and i even went out and bought this cute outfit for date nite with the boy cause i thought he was going to actually let me out of the house. the only time i left the house this week was to go to work. well nwas i worng i got holw from work got showered adn all dressed did my hair and makeup even painted my nails well i had to paint them they look gross with outnail polish. i even had an hour to spare so i deicded to lay down and relax while listening to music. he calls me at 7 saying that hes just going to eat at home with hes mom that im still to sick to do nething and eh doesnt want to get sick. so he wants me to stay home in bed and relax and take my meds and get better. hes on vacation next week and he said he wants to spend sunday-sat with me. he even madeplans monday he wants to go tothe movies to c inception and wednesday he wants to go into philly to go watch a baseballe game. i know i shouldnt of been mad last nite cause i do get to c him but i was mad and sad adn depressed. i cried for like an hour whihc is not me i nomrally dont handle my emotions well hence my i self harm so much its my way of dealing with them but neway i cried for anhour which made my heart and breathing even worse. i didnt even wanna eat even though i know i had to but i didnt want to at all i just wanted to disappear. but at another hour of my hear freaking out i decided to eat and let myserlf have a lil snakc

i even worked out a lil as well eventhough im not suppose to/ my best friend/coworker yelled at me yesterday after work cause she foudn out i was doing crunches shes like "dani no crunches no runningin ur room none of ur crazy exercises ur gonna dir ur rly sick already and ur heart cant handle nemore its gonns stop and ur gonna die and i cant handle that u cant leave me." yeah i know i should listen to her but u guys know how it is u juts hace to no matter what the number on the scale going done the bones comeing out thats what matter. well my workout last nite consistend of 40 minutes i alternated between doing curnches and air bike it felt god to do a lil wokrout my chest hurt so bad though and my heart was beating so fast that it was making it hard to breathe but i did it neway

after that i decided to watch "the runaways" i fell in love with this movie i love every moive kristen stewart makes though she def is my fav actress shes amazing with what she cant do. im prob going to watch the movie again today

food log yesterday 7/22/10
breakfast
*liter of water
*danon light an dfit diabetic yogurt-45 cals
*specioal k blueberry-100 cals

at work 10-3pm
*2 liter of water
*cup of popcorn

snack
*bottle of water
*apple

dinner
*green beans-100 cals
*whole wheat english muffin-100 cals
*choc chips-70 cals

snack
*choc chiip cookie dough ice cream-?

do u guys have ne idea how tiring it is to take meds having to wake up every few hourse to tak something this is my bed schedules for today
8am-amoxicillion and nasal spray
10am-cough medicine and cough drop
2pm-cough medicine and cough drop
4pm antibotics
6pm cough medince and cough drops
10pm cough medicne and cought drops
12am-antibotics and nasal spray
2am-cough medicine and cought drop

then i wake up at 8am and do it all overagain its very tiring

today i have to walk 12pm-4om and i was going to try a walk after wokr just to c how my lungs chest and heart do but yeah i cant now cause its suppsoe to b so hot with the temo and humity plus heat index it cold fee lke its 105 degress which is just crazy as fuck

so i guess after work ima just come hom to my bed ugh im tired of my bed mayb i will job search or watch runaways again i will prob read to im addcited to reading

food log so far
*danon light and fit diabetic yogurt-45 cals
*blueberry special k-100 cals
*few chci chips-40 ish cals
*and also working on drinking a liter of water

i didnt eat with my midnite medslike i was suppose to so i my heart was really bothering me this morning so i had to eat a lil more then i wanted to

i think for dinner today i might do a salald and fruit bowl
at work ima bring a fruit bar or granola bar with me just in case i need nething

well yesterday i took a pic of y outfit that i was going to wear and also a pic of my back after my shower. im going to post both i loved my outfit i hope u guys love it too and my back ugh i wish my bones were out way more