Monday, May 2, 2011


so i had this hole lists of things that i have to do and i was hoping that i woiuld get most but hopeuflly all done today since it was my day off yeah that didnt go as pallned i try to plan out my days off for my head doesnt go crazy palnning keeps my calm but it never seems to work out that way

but todays plans changed and i really didnt mind my mom called me while i was at shoprtie asking if i was gonna b home soon cause my cousin called and asked us to watch P after she got out of preschool and i never turn that offer down it was just here not her 2 brothers as well it was like the good old days i remember when it was just here ive been watching her since a few months after she was born it so funt o watch them grow up and to know that u had a hand in molding them into the person they are now.

she totally tired me out today like im exhasted and beat and i have no idea how many times i ran around the yard it was nuts. we went on a walk, drew with sidwalk chalked, played tag adn hide and seek did gymnastics climbed up the lady and down the slide more times then i can count like i was constanly running around for pretty much the hole 6 and half hours that i had her too we did take a 30 min break to watch spongebob i hate that show but fuck if it gets her to sit down for a lil then im all for it cuase i was beat and i ate way more then i wanted too just to have enough energy to run after her

just one game she wanted to play was this. ok c we have my old car my subby in the yard it doesnt work nemore me my bro and sid beat that thing to hell it doesnt turn on at all so we ahve that and then my bro parked hes car right in front of it so there was this lil space between the fron of subby and back of bros car were u could jumg between them like over teh bumbers so this is what munchin would do we would start out by the slide run to the cars jump over the bumpers or climb in her place then run around the sheds go up the old play house ladder then down the slide adn repeat and then repeat repeat repeat i was getting so dizzy doing that i dont know how many times we did that but yeah it was ok ih ad tons of fun with her i have all 3 of them on tursday that will b extra tiring but so worth it

so this is the list of things i wanted to try and accomplish today:
*clean out food bin
*laundry-jeans, hamper and sheets
*watch black swan
*pain nails
*crunches and stretching
*relax and read
*fix my microsoft word
*look for jobs
*apply for jobs

this is what i got done today:
*gym-65 mins elly level 5- 442 cals burnt
*tan- 8 minutes stand up
*shoprite- 4 mangos, unsweetend alond milk, 3 boxes lipton cup of soup chicken noodle flavor, peppermint tea, 2 boxes speical k(orignal and honey and oats), mini canned no salt added veggies(2 peas and corns)
*laundry- jeans and hamper butof course its not folded yet

tomm i plan to work well i dont plan tooi h ave too i dont have a choice form 10-5 then def fold my laundry and watch new OTH idk when i will get to the rest of my list but i will get i done eveutnally

im scarede to admit all i ate today cause u guys will think im a fat pig but here it goes
*protein shake- banana, cup almond milk, 3 scoops soy protein powder
*5 handful jelly beans
*2 bites turkey sandwhich with cheese on white bread- munchin shared killed my stomach
*2 sips cookies and cream milkshare- she shared again also hurt tummy
*5 bites choc chip cookie- once again shared and my tummy didnt like it
*half and airhead and 2 shared mini gummie hamburgers- munchin shared again
*ice cream-shared with her really killed my stomach wanted to puke
*handful mini m&ms-shared with munch my tumy really hated me today
*chips shared once again
*2 pieces garlic texas toast-my own stupid decision
*fries with bbq sauce- i know i suck

i think thats all i ate today im trying to remmber ugh i really do suck im never gonna get skinny enough and nmy docwill never give me meds for my ibs and iwill never get help fuck me

o and im sick again my voice is finally all the way back but now i have a head cold and a earache and my chest hurts from time to time i coudlnt get mty heart to calm down today got my body is a wreck

o and one more thing my corworkers are dirivng me nuts always on my case about my eating asking what i can eat since i have alot of issues with that or commetning on my eating ro saying how lil i am im not lil im not ksinny or tiny they are just fucked up one girl acutally said to another girl u know she doesnt acutally eat just just picks are her food and moves it around she doesnt eat

like ugh enough is wnough already and they they were talking about how i dont look 25 and they arel ike just look at her like really look she looks like hes 15 im guess that was about my weight ugh im tired of it all

dark6_fairy, danea andbones- thank u guys o much for the comment on my outfit it means alot

bones-thanx i love the wall as well its the first thing i c when i walk into my room ppl are always gettin gon my case it drives me nuts i guestion everythng though so its hard

aly- ilove the twilight saga and ive always loved kstew as an actress as well since teh beginning

sarah- i try to get better but i end up just getting sick again neway

anonymous-i kinow the weather really does help my mood as well i have to buy summmer clohtes that i acutally feel comfortabel in

just jessica-the world is always on my case and alwasy getting me down nuttin new there

unbeautiful-i cant ask for help trust me i have tired int he past and failed miserablly cause i cant ge teh help i need insurance doesnt cover it or they wont help unless ive been hospitalized so whatsthe point

little jo- my doc is alwasy an ass

despree-nope no wehre to go for help so i will just deal live in my own torutred hell of a world that my head controls and drives me fucking crazy o well

violet- i think ive just given up on caring nemore i will just have to hit rock bottom again even though it nearly killed me last time but i guess ihave to do t again

kitkat-thanx hun for always being there fo rme

danea-i know i gotta start thinking about me and focusing on me not everyone else

mich- i do the same thng i will want help i will want it s bad but when its time for a check up i will water load and lie my way thru it when im sick i dont go god me adn u arej ust fucked up majorily when it comes to docs u kjnow that right ha i just laugh at it sometimes


  1. Aw, I've babysat two of my cousins since they were really young as well, so I know of the connection that you have with her!
    Sounds like you had a lovely time babysitting. :D
    And your coworkers are obviously just worried about you!

  2. if you're complaining of heart problems to your doctor and he's not doing anything about it, or not really taking any concern then you should get a new doctor. he sounds like a AHOLE.

  3. I try to plan my days, too. On weekends, anyway. I make big lists of things so that I'll be occupied the whole day, but they're usually too long and there's not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything...

    Hope you feel better. I have to laugh at the doctor thing too most of the time. I think I could be bleeding and unable to move with a bullet in my chest and still would refuse medical attention.

    Your co-workers need to mind their own business. <3
    But woohoo for looking like you're 15! :D 'Tis always good to look ten years younger.