Friday, May 6, 2011


103 lbs 103 lbs i know im not suppose to b weighing but i did and im donw to 103 lbs now i just have to keep it there and go lower and not fuck it up like i normally do

lets c what idid at my lowest weights

when i was around 80lbs i tihnk it was high 80's dont remember but i was eating one meal a deay witha bowl of ice cream running at least 8 miles a day. jump roping, tumbling, adn crucnhes and i was also dependent on alcohol

when i waas 94 lbs or 93 idk some where around there i was eating no more then 500 cals a day i was exericsing as much as my tired body coudl handle and i also completely stopped eating and nearly landed my self in the hospital

i have had many close hospital calls lately the boy says hes gonna take me all the time but then he realizes that they cant do nething fo rme neway and that he doesnt wanna c me in a hospital bed

when i was in the 80's it was great iloved it then i recoverd semi after that and kept my weight around 110ish for a good 4 years then i relpased bad cue the 93 lbs and almost dying and alomst hopsitalization ive been bouncing between 93 lbs and 110 lbs for nearly 3 years now i wont let myself get back to my high weight off 115 lbs it just wont happen

i wanna b 95 lbs again so bad

i cant resort back to my lowest weight plan cause i cant run nemore fucked up right knee and right ankle and i cant have ice cream cuase i am now lactose intolerant

i cant do the 93 lbs plan cause they boy would literally kill me if i stopped eating again he wouldnt hestitate at dragging me to the hosital

so ig uess i need a new plan but i can use my health to my advantage since i am now lactose intolerant i cant have ne caffeien cause ofmy heart and high blood pressure and i also have IBS which serverly reistrtics what i can eat

i wind up in pain everytime i eat but somtimes its worse i know what makes my IBS act up i know what makes me sick but somtimes i still eat it cuase i promised the oby i would try and i feel guilty cause alli wanna do is just not eat so i eat more to counteract it i know stupid decision but im done with that

i havent eaten yet today im still extremly naouses from my pill issue last nite but im feeling ok slept liek 3 hours no more headache or shakiness just nasouses and my legs hurt like hell from dehyradtion im drinking some ginger ale right now to settle my stomach also had cup of peppermint tea, a capri sun, lil water, and lipton cup of soup packet(nope i dont consider that food)

i never acutally finished cleaning my cloest i just trew everything back in there and let it be me and my sis might go out soon to get ma something for mothers day
i will post a pic of my outfit that i will wear tonite either tonite or tomm
love u all


americaneaglelove-thanx hun im ok i knew i would react badly but i took them neway i swear i love paini dont get it im kinda failing the hole not weighiing thing but at least im not doing it everyday right now

thin_thighs-im ok hun nuttin is gonnahappen to me trust me

bones-thanx hun im ok hope ur feeling well too yeah not weighing is so hard

darkfairy6-im feeling better still nasoues though

aly-sorry that they took ur scale away hun thats not fun howlong have u been in recovery?

danea-imfailing the not weighing thing ha i try but its hard ive beent old to get anew doc for awhle nowi just havent done it

mich-scales just drive me completely crazy iplan out my days adn thing alwasy come out and set me off course it drives me crazy i avoid the doc at all possivle cost i hate it so much

dietcokeplease-wow 6 days thats graet proud of u

unbeaitufl- 2 weeks in impressive

scaredblogger-love u too how u doing hun?

sarah-im glad u understand what i mean bout babysitting since there were lill it really is a great accomplishment


  1. I also have trouble with dairy but I take a pill that allows the lactose enzymes to work. It's called Lactaid. It helps me. You take it with your first bite. I usually try to eat whatever dairy product I'm eating within 30-45 minutes so it doesn't stop working. IDK if that would help you or not but it's worth a shot.
    Stay safe.

  2. I am so glad to hear you are doing better!!!

    <3 Jess

  3. Closets are meant to be messy. :D

    I know the boy must care about you, but I don't think it's right that he pressures and guilts you into eating things that he knows will make you sick. You should tell him to lay off. <3


  4. Hey huni, you're doing so well!! keep up the good work :)

  5. Im glad you won't go to your lowest =] Hope you stay safe and don't have to go to hospital. P.s get that closet cleaned girlie ;) xxxx

  6. Hi lovely,
    Oh be careful wont you,
    I am ok, Im faaaatttt thou and stressed, I cant wait to ge back to my blog properly,

  7. Oh dear. I really hope you start to feel 100% soon.
    And going back to a very low weight doesn't really sound like it has that many benefits. It's not worth being so sick.

  8. will you please check out my blog i could really use some support from others who understand rather than the peopl in my life that know they just dont get it..its FOREVERANA-starvingforperfection