Monday, May 16, 2011


how does my boy still love me how does he stay by me watch me starve myself slowing killing myself how does he manage to hold me when my chest is hurting so bad the pain is too much to take idk how he does it after losing 2 of hes family members to heart issues how does he still love me when im doing this to myself when im slowlyg killing myself and hes family members didnt have a choice int he matter they didnt wanna die they wanted to live and then u got me who just cant deal with nething at all that knows she is slowly killing herself cause she cant seem to fucking just eat right and be normal who cant get her head on straight no matter what who listens to the voices instead of the one voice the one voice that she knows would help her

nope i listen to all the voices in my head instead of the boys voice i dont listen to him telling me that thew chest pains arent normal that he knows i dont eat enough cause of those pains ugh im such a fuck up i really am

i want help fo rhim i want to do it for him but i dont want to do it for myself so since i dont want to do it for myself i will never b able to do it until i realize that my problem is a big problem til i realize that i cant keep doing this i wont b able to stop ugh fuck my head

i cant sleep my anxiety is to high my stress is to much my hole body is in pain my somtahc is a mess i give up


  1. im so sorry your in so much pain but you have someone who loves you no matter what which means your very lucky. Hope you feel better soon, much love Jxxx

  2. i would tell you to do it for the boy...but its harder to do something when you dont want to do it for yourself. i hope you feel better

  3. That boy stays with you because he can see what we all see- your true beauty within. You are such a wonderful, caring, and strong gal. And he sees that and loves you all the more for it.

    I hope you start feeling better soon though. It sucks for your body to rebel and hurt so much after all the work you've done to try to control that body in first place.

    Always here for you, love. Stay strong.