5/5/11

"Crawling in my skin These wounds, they will not heal Fear is how I fall Confusing what is real There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface Consuming, confusing This lack of self control I fear is never ending Controlling I can't seem To find myself again My walls are closing in (Without a sense of confidence I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take) I've felt this way before So insecure" - Linkin Park

i am such an idiot y do i do this to myself y take pills that i know will react badly with my cholestrol meds and make me feel like shit i took 1 stacker 3 and 2 diuretics over an hour ago i knew they dont reaact well with the other meds im on but i do it neway now im shaking like a leaf im so cold i cant get warm im dizzy i cant concentrate i think ima puke i get up all the time to go to the bathroom thinking its gonna come up it doesnt ive been trying to get caught up on ur blogs for over an hour i had to keep layiing down cause i got to dizzy i really am an idiot like y do i do this to myself

ive also started to clean my clest i currently have half my clothes on my bed waiting to get hung but i cant do it cause everytime i stand up i feel like ima just fall over my hands are shaking so bad i can barely type this srsly no more pills i gotta stop that no more pills no more if i keep telling myself that then mayb i will acutally stop

i ate way to much today and nuttin healthy at all i had the kids today all 3 of them and all i ate all day with them was junk they kept sharing their food food that i nrormally dont eat or havent eaten in a long time but i would do nehting for them but i feel like such a fat ass

i didnt weight today since im not supoose to b weighing for a month i might just hide my scale in my closet for im not tempted to step on it every moring

i weight yesterday though 106.8
ok i gotta lay down again