6/7/10

so today started out with a panic attack not the best way to start a day ugh i hate panic attacks i try to avoid them at all cost but i guess soemtimes they cant b avoided. c i have this certain routine that i have to do int he morning i get up at 7am every morning igo downstairs amke my fruit bowl that i bring to work with me and then by 730am i have to b in the shower im out by 8am then iget dressed and everything an di like to b having my routinely breakfast of dry cereal and 2 pieceso f oatmeal toast or fruit by 830 am then i relax and read til ihave to leave for work at 940am

yeah see that didnt happen today for one i had to b at work by 9am instead of my normal 10am. i got up at 7 but i coudlnt make my fruit bowl casue i have no fruit casue i have to go shopping but the fruit sale doesnt start til wed so i went downstairs to try and print out the things i yeah well the printer didnt work so fuck that ugh. i went to go shower by 730 and my fucking brother is in there so i didnt get in til 745 am uug so i didnt geto ut til 815am theni had to rush around so much i cut up a cucumber for lunch(that ididnt eat) and ended up having ahorrible breakfast

ugh so i panciked so bad my breathing was hard my heart was pouding like acrazy person i watned to puke so badi felt physicallly drained it was so bad after the panic attack i was anxious all day like bad anxious i coudlnt stop pasing i had to keep moving and drinking liguids it was a bad bad bad day

i think i really need something fo rmy panic attack and my anxiety cause it gets so bad

i have these plans and control to keep my head from completely completely insane it keeps me calm an di know u guys might htink im insane for having those detailed plans buti need them to keep my from complelty losing my mind

so i finished "go ask alice" u guys should read it if u havent its amazing. im about 3/4 of the way thru "diary of an exercise addcit" its amaing cant wati to finish it soon. and "thin" by grace bowman finally came in yay i got a shitload of books to read now and im so happy

food log:

breakfast:
*brownie
*bottle of water

at work 9am-2pm
*half a liter of water
*vitamin water 0 lemonade
* 2 cups hot green tea with mango
*1 and 1/2 cups of popcorn

workout at the gym:
*bottle of water
*45 min on elly level 5 distance 2.96- 323 cals burned
*35 mins tready hill level 15 speed 3.0 distance 1.62- 164 cals burned
*35 min bike level 5 distance11.42- 200 cals burned

dinner(stopped at conveint store)
*prepacked salad(lettuce, carrots, hardboiled egg(took out the yoke), hot green and red peppers and chickpeas)
*vitamin water 0 mixed berry
*half liter water

i also took over 10,000 steps which burned268 cals