Saturday, June 12, 2010


i feel like im not good enough like im never gonna b good enough like im not gonna b good enough unless i get a proper diagnonsis. c ive never been officially diganosed by a doctor ive been underweight my whole life so they just assume that its normal for me thas its normal for me to b this small but i guess it is cause my highest weight has been 115 and that was when i first started my birth control years ago

but ive always beena picky eater ive neverliked red meat i cant do grease cause it kills my stomach dairy kills my acid reflux junk food makes me freak the fuck out

i just wanna get so sick i wanna lose so much weight thatppl finally c this isnt normal i wasn to b diagnosed i want a doc to say that i have a problem that what i do isnt normal that my excessive exercise isnt right my starving istn right

ij ust wanna prove to everyone that im sick like i know i shoudlnti iknow i should hide my ana and my mia but i just want ppl to c how much pain im in on a daily basic how i can go form happy for ocmplelty depressed in a matter of 2 seconds

i want ppl to c my scars and c it see that ij ust cant deal nemore that everythingi s just to much

so i guess its time to start proving it to start starving myself even more to lose as much weight as i possibly can


  1. i know how you feel :/ its hard knowing whats the right thing to do. on one hand, if you tell, youll be stopped or theyll try at the least; and on the other hand, if you tell, your pain is recignozed and that feels kinda good because it makes your pain real. i hope whichever descision you choose makes you feel good ^__^

  2. im not gonna tell neone my coworker and boyrfreind already know about my ed
    my cowroker knows about my cutting
    the boy doesnt know about that
    buti just wish ppl would c that im in pain an dhtat it hurts and that them ingonring me just makes it worse but also when im forced to eat or they get on my case it makes me worse as well so u know what fuck it ima do it my way and get skinny if they dont like it then to bad

  3. oh i thought you were considering it...

  4. yeah no im not telling its not like my parents would care neway they never cared if i ate or didnt eat or exercised to much or threw up they just dnt care