6/20/10

so i realized something at 3am this moring. me and the boy were sitting out he was eating hes mcdonalds(ew) and i was having a lil of the frozen yougrt he bought me(it makes him happy). well we were talking and iw as telling him about how antoher person said soemthing to my coworker that day about me. ive been getting alot of ppl saying stuff lately asking her if im ok if i eat im so skinny dont u think shes skinny and she alwasy goes its dani shes alwasy been skinny nothing is different shses fine she eat. yeah well shes gettign frustrated with ppl and im getting frustrated with ppl cause really its nne of their damn businnes neway and i dont comment on their fat selves so they shoudlnt comment on my skinnines.

ok yeah well i was telling him about it and he goes" dont listen to them ur not anorexic ur perfect they way u are ur skinny yes but ur not on deaths door ur not a walking skeleton what do they want u to b fat" and he said some other stuff as well.

but i susally get mad when he says that im not anorexic cause he knows i have issues he knows that i have problems but what i realized this morning (yes app my brain decdied to function at 3am) is that when he says that im not anrexic he doesnt mean it that way he means that i dont look anorexic he doesnt mean it in the way that i dont have a problem he means that i dont look it or netihng like that. with him as long as im eating he ignores the problem he doesnt geton my case tell i stop eating alot again or if i start losing to much weight

but im 104 lbs now(yay) and hes fine with that he said i was perfect eh way i was so hes not gonna get on my case ne time soon cause i do wanna lose more weight i wanna try and b at least 100 99 would b better buy july 1st when we go away on our vacation.

today i decided to clean my car since i have i had off of wark so i spent a lil over 3 hors doing that and it was hot as hell like hot the high today is 93 degress farenheight so yeah it was hot and i was sweatring alot and i did get very tired and i had to take a few breaks to sit in the shade for a lil but it was a very good workout im proud of myself

i also tookt he plunge and made an appt to to get my hair down im usually not one to to that cause that means sitting there with strangers and having to talk to said strangers and itjust freaks me out but i ifanlly did it i got tomm(monday) at 530 pm im getting a cut and color i was orignally just gonna get a cut but the boy convinced to me spurlge and treat myself a lil and let them dye my hair instead of me doing it myself i know it will prob b expensive but iw ill use my credit card and i guess i do deserve a lil treat for myself so tomm iw ill b getting my hair down

yesterday i went to the grocery store ijust needed a lil fruit i refuse to run out again and freak out and have to eat my parents food so if that means going to the store ones a week instead of evey 2-3 weeks to get a il food then so b it. at the store i got:

*bananas
*blueberries
*balckberries
*raspberries
*2 ready sanck packs(apple slices, grapes yogurt and granola) all packed into a lil pakc its 110 cals all together so yay fro that
*2 vitamin water 0 bottles
*sugar free black berry jam-10 cals per serving
*whole wheat bagel thins-110 cals for one

i think that i had a very good shoppoing trip theother day not i will b fine for this week and i wont freak out yay for that no more panick attacks for awhile they take alot of of me

food log(so far today)
breakfast:
*cup of pinapple-75 cals
*cup of raspberries-80 cals
*bottle of water-0 cals


cleaning my car-9:45am-1:15pm
*bottle of vitamin water 0 grape ade
*liter of water
*lil frozen yougrut-? cals( i was getting light headed needed a lil something

lunch(having soon)
*green beans-90 cals
*banana-100ish cals
*and more water

im just gonna realx the rest of the day casue im tired i will prob read start a new book i finished thin by grace bowman last nite it was good but id int like the ending but i never like endings of books so thats to b expected

love u all

heres the ourfit i wore on friday its date nite witht he boy so i try and dress cute