8/13/10

so yeah that fat ass is me ew god om so gross and fat its ridc i gotta stop putting food in my mouth and ew

ok so yeah ive had skinny bitch for awhile now and i deicded that iw ould pick up my own book and finally start reading it. eyah so i wanted to puke when i was reading it like literally it was disgusitn gme to no fucking end. i read the first 7 chapters and the one about dairy and the meat omg i was literally bening over my desk at work trying to not throw up my breakfaast now granted i woudlnt mind if it did come up cause it was junk ew i gotta stop eating junk but neway back to my part. omg the hcapter on the slaughter house about how the animals are really treated and how it happnes and how its not clean and shit i wont tell u everything causwe im sure uw ill all read it neway but neway it made me never wanna eat chicken again. i never ate ne read meat to beging with so thats not a problem casue ppl wont forcfe me to eat that but iw ill get forced to eat chicken im just hoping i dont have to eat it all the time like once a week or once every 2 weeks id prefer to never eat it again

and then the dairy bout how the milk the cows and the infections and just ew ok i really need to cut meat and dairy outof my diet completely as quickly as i can

so yeah im really gonna try the holw vegan thing again and try to take it as serisoaly as possible i know i will slip up from times to times just cause some ppl like to force me eat it ugh im tired of ppl knowing about my ed cause then they think they can just make me eat whenever the want and whatever they want yeah newsfals fucking stop it i don twant the food i dont want nething at all

yes i knw that i have been binging alot lately and just plain out eating way to much fuckng junk like the fucking oreos and the damn choc chip cookies and teh damn reainbow keebler ones eew fuck just thinking about it ew how could i let all that shit pass thru my lips thats ridc and it needs to end now so does the ice cream and the cheese and the fucking bread yes bread ive been eating at leats 4 slics of bread aday ugh its the 45 cal one but fuckng still ew ugh i know i was eating hte bread to settle my stomach and to settle the nasousa that has been driving me crazy for the past week but we are going to stop that and eat crackers or pretzels in stead soemthing less carby then fucking bread

yes u heard me right ive been sick again my acid reflux is thru the fucking roof like its fuckng ridc ugh im surpirsed i still have a stomach and an esphorgus from allt he acid that just keeps coming up and yes i can taste it and trust me its not pretty at all its fucking gross and disguisting espcially when some of the food comes up with it and ur at work and cant go throw it up in the toilet and u gotta shallow it back down i hate when it comes up on its own its like fuck i ate u just stay down already even if i dont want it to stay down but im not purging nemore so if i eat it it means its staying in my stomach or im exercising like crazy to counteract the cals

and also im nasouses like all the time like all the time everyday this week today was the first day id idnt wake up feeling nasouses whcih was a surprise for me but it hit my hard later in the day id rather wake up feeling like shit then going thru part o fmy day and then having the feel like shit hit me out of nowhere when im trying to do nething

so the plan is to go shoppingon sunday just to get a few things to hold me over i still have lettuce and croutons and other salad stuff in my fridge so i dont need nemore of that and i also have the 6 cups of taomato salsa soup in the freezer i havent un froze it yet so on sunday im ago to the one grocery store get box of crackers, and bag of pretzels, some frozen veggies, grapes, bing cherries and prob one other fruit

and then after that go to the other gorcery store that has a salad bar and bui9ld my own lil salad and mayb a fruit bowl or some soup

i know im palning ahead sunday is my day off so i run around lot when i get a day off cause i dont get them much

i think tomm after work i gotta drive to clinton again for my phone i know i just went last weekcause it kept shutting off and resetting it self and they said the software just needed to b updated so i spent 30 minutes in there whil ethey did that yeah well it was good for a day and now its shutting off again like over 5 times a day ugh its so annoying so i guess i gotta so back up and kick some ass and tell them to fix my phone or to at elast give me anew one