8/26/10

so yeah i just dk wtf to do nemore im gettign so frustrated adn i just wanna give the fuck up with the hole gettin gbetter thing but i know if i give up then ima get worse and ima die and i dont want to die so yeah idk

one of the therapist called me today she left a voicemail for me since i was working but she said that she wanted to commend me for seeking help thats its a big step and it can lead to a healthier better life she said that she doesnt have ne sliding scale spots open that he reate in $140 which she knows is steep sincei dont have insurance she said that what i told her and my muliptle issues she would recommend me getting an ed evualtion and go from there that the evualtion could lead to inpatient though. she said she would b more then welcome to help me if i can afford it financailly

it seems like that i wont help but noone is willing to help me cause im to fucked up and i cant afford it how come everything revolves around money its like fuck i want help im sick i have a disease but sicne i cant afford it they arent willing to help me

yeah i coudl do the evualtion thing but i cant be in ip or even iop becuase i have to work i cant just drop everything i have bills that i have to pay and with my hours being cut at work its gonna b even harder for me to pay the bills as it is

the other therapise i emailed last nite hasnt gotten backt o me yet like im willing to try therapy and even a nutritionist i just cant swing ip right now id do op if there was something around here for me to do it but the closest place that offers that is 45 minutes away adn there iop os from 9-330 whcih means i wouldnt get home til like 430ish and that wont work since i work mornings

so idk what the fuck to to right now im just so confused and frustrated and ijust wanna giv eup but i cant give up but fuck still ugh

and my corowker i thought that she understood but she doesnt shes like its not a disease its in ur head its behavior u werent born like this u created this

i didnt create this and it is a disease its a disease that is trying to kill me and ugh no1 understands this fucking sucks

this is what i say to the therpaist when i email them


"Hi, my name is Danielle (insert last name here) i found you on edreferral.com. I'm interested in getting some help for my eating disorder I have never been offically diagnosed but i suffer from anorexia with bulimic tendencies. i am also an over exerciser. I do also suffer from depressiong, anxiety, panic attacks and self harm.

I'm finally ready to try to overcome this well at least attempt to overcome it. I know that i have along road ahead of me and i know that it won't be easy but i am willing to try. I'm not ready to go in to inpatient yet even though i know i probably need it but im willing to try therapy first.

I was wondering what to expect and if you are will to help me?
i currently dont have insurance and my hours just got cut at work so i wanted to know your rates and if u did a sliding scale?
I hope to hear from you soon
thank you for reading and thank you for considering me

Danielle"

i also give themmy cell number whichi m not gonna post here but ugh



food log so far:

*2 servings choc chips

*small banana

*1 serving yellp rice

*2 liters water

*cup of hot tea

*vitamin water 0



idk if and what else ima eat today i kinda have a craving for nooldes or a sandwhich with my veggie protein idk im sure i will haveo ne more thing today

i wasnt gonna eat at all today but i had to have osmething b4 work since im on my feet all day then i started to feel nasous and just weak an dmy heart was acting up so i ate a lili

i would love to fast but app i just cant do that nemore

ok my confused ass is gonna go finsih her laundry and finsih cleaning her room and idk do crucnhes or something

i still have a headache from my insane panic attack i had earlier