8/23/10

i wanted to tahnk u guys for supporting me with the therapy thing
u are allthe best an dim not leaving i will still blog everything of course cause im addcited
i found a therapist sat nite shes actually right in town which is really surprising cause hello small town. she's not just strictly ed's she does a bunch of other things i know i should find a therapiast that sepcializes in just ed's but i cant find ne that are close the closest one is 29 miles away which is just crazy i dotn wanna drive that far espcially with my head the way it is i'll end up gettingin an accident and killing myself or some1 else and i dont want that to happen

well i emailed her yesterday saying "that i have never been diagnosed but i suffer from anorexia with bulmic tendencies i also suffer form depression, anxiety and panic attacks. i was wonder whath to expect and if u would b willing to help me? i also asked her if she does a sliding scale"

i havent heard nething back from her yet hopefully i hear something soon its $90-100 persession with out insurence im hoping she does do sliding scale for i can get a lil bit of a discount cause idt i can afford that all thet iem but we will c

yesterday was my bro and sis's goin away party they are both going away to college so yeah had a paryt for them with family and there friends. ih ad 2 nature valley bars int he morning theni went to the gym and burnt 507 cals on the elly(love that machine) when i got home had a few bites of some oragne chicken just to give my some energy. soi showered got ready adn emailed the therapist. iw as good duringthe party i only had a few tostios and some pizza dip. iended up leaving the party early though to go to my cousins house to hang out with him he just turned 13 and just had elbow surgey had to put in a plate and screws cause he broke it so bad so hes in alot of pain so i went and spent like 2 hours at hies house with him we just watched tv hung out outside and palyed some games on hes touch ipod thing. i didnt wana eat when i got home but my heart was acting funny so i have the rest of my rcie left over form dinner on firday and a roll then b4 bed i ate a few to many saltines. i was still 103 this morning so i havent gained ne thank god i hope i lose soon though

so today

ok so today fucking sucked ass it was just like everything was spiralling downward i was good yesterday i emailed the therapist i was ok with getting help i was trying to figure out how to pay for it and i figured that i could pay less off on my credit cards and then use the left overs for my therapy

yeah that would of worked but i walk in ot work today and look at the schedule and realized that he cut my hours down by almost 10 hours i usually work close to 30 hours a week somteims more now im only shceudled for 21 next week and im sure that will go down

so i eventually get up the courage to ask him and hes like yeah we are making some changes im like im not gonna b able to get khakis by september he just looks at me well ask s she wokrs at gap she can get u a discount im like gap is expensive he just looks at me like wtf so i just walk away

see s is the new girl he hired and she working 20 hours a week and then he hired some1 else and gave her some of my hours and app he hired another person

i just wana quit so bad u have no idea but i cant no matter how much i want to becaiuse i have bills lots of bills so ima apply to a shitload of jobs even if i dot qualify still going to apply i need out of that place asap

my chest hurt so bad from the anxiety from it today and then add in the depression yeah it wasnt a good day at all

they only thing that made it better is i got to hang out with my sis for awhile my bro came too he can b annoying but he wasnt oday he just wanted to come alone for the ride for soemtihng to do

so after work me and her tyed died a shirt each mine is yellow, blue and red. after that we went up to bbed bath and beyond and the mall it wasnt the mall in town my town sucks so we went to a bigger mall in pa. ilive right ont he border so we usually eat and shit in pa but yeah the drive was only suppose to take 20-25 minutes but we hit traffic so it took about 40 instead its ok we sitll got there even with the constant pouring ass rain ugh.

but neway we went to bed bath adn beyond she needed a few thigns for school i didnt get nething there just she did. then we went to barnes and nobles and i spent way way way to much money i have a series book addcitiong its bad but o well

books i got:

*the hole pretty little liars series- sara shepard

*the glass castle-jeannette walls

*the book od lost things-john connolly

*her fearful symmetry-audrey niffenegger

my sis then wanted to go tot he apple store for a case for her mac book. we ended up playing with the i pads for while lol they are cool u know

then we went into the mall i was determeind to find a cute but not to expensive purse i found the cutest ever coach purse but yeah no orice tag so yeah that was way to much money but we ended up going in to icing by claires and found this adorable hot pink bag yay for that so yeah i got everything i wanted

my bro and sis wanted to eat soemthing so they both got cinnabuns they tired to give me some but i said no yay me my bro is like " u know its not healthy enough for dani to eat it" yeah thanx for that drob

but i got a grande unsweetend black iced tea from starbucks while they were eating that

food log:

*cup of blueberries-80

*small apple-60

*few spoons cookes and cream ice cream-100?

*liter of water

*cup ot hot cranberry weight loss tea-3

*diet green tea mixed berry-0

*grande unsweetend black iced tea-10?

took 8,768 steps today which burnt 227 cals :)

the sweetned one is 80 so im guessing unsweetened in 10 its just a guess though
idk if ima eat dinner im really not in the mood with everytrhing that went on today
ids like fuck i finally realize that i need help and i take action then shit happens and now i have no idea how ima pay for it
i knwo i need help and i need it soon or bad things are going to happen

so im off to apply for as many jobs as i can
love u all(i'll try to read and respond to all ur blogs later after i apply for jobs)

purse i got:(toook the pic at the store sorry if it isnt the best quiality and ignore my fat legs)