8/24/10

so the therapist that i emailed on sunday hasnt emailed me back yet so either shes busy, not willing to help, or its just not meant to b.

but neway i went on edreferral.com i searched my county but everything was so far away so i checked PA since i live right ont he border and i found one that according to mapquest is 33 minutes away i guess i can handle that ijust dont wanna have to drive far but i guess its all worth it in the end. so i just sent her an email so now its another waiting game.

so i was all freake dout yesterday bout my job about my hours getting cut and just everything. well i talked tothe boy last nite and he said iwas stressing over nuttin and to calm down cause its not a big deal we would handle it. so the plan is to keep applying for full time jobs but also appply for part time jobs for i can get out of the place im out now. its so stresssful and i dont need the stress. so thats the plan

the boy also said that as long as i have enough topay my car then its ok so i need to make sure i have money for car payment and car insurance everymonth and then also my credit cards but we decided to just pay the minuum balance on them and hope have a lil extra money. he said that wehn we go out and do soemthiung we doesnt mind paying right now until i get on my feet again. we usually go half or he will pay for dinner adn then i will pay for movie ticket or something but he will have to pay for a lil while. i feel bad and i hate that cause i just dont want himt o have to pay for it all but i guess thatsj ust how its gonna have to b for a lil while.

he said that i also have to make sure that i have some food in my fridge to eat ugh my fridge is so empty rigth now an di love it but ima have to go soon just for he wont yell at me or nething. so when i do go to grocery store iwill prob just get fruit and some salad stuff but i would save money of food if i didnt have to buy it u know

work today kinda sucked me and the owner(boss) just avoid each other we wont talk we just like work around each other liek if we walk past each other we just dont say a word idk what i did to make him hate me so much all of a sudden i wish i knew i pracitacally run hes business for him but o well when im gone he will realize just how much i did and how much he doesnt knwo about hes own business. i cleaned alot today there did:

*cleaned all the walls and doors on tan side(we have 8 tanning rooms and 2 bathrooms, plus like storage and washiing machine and shit)

*washed and folded towels

*tested pool

*fillled sanitzer bottles

*windezed all mirros in rooms

*wiped down top of the beds

and more just lil odd stuff u know the cleaning the walls makes me really tired cause its alot of up and downand squating and shit its a good work out but very tiring

after work i babysit my 2 lil cousins they are a handful all in themselves 4 yrs onld adn 9 months love them to death the 9 month old is already walking and running and hes heavy hes 20 lbs already and soemtimes he lies to b held alot and today was one of them if he wasnt running around he was in my arms so that was a good workout as well i wonder how many cals i burned doing that. well today:

* we played outside on the slides and on the balance beam

*played air hockey

*went for a short walk

*also played jump on dani yes my ribs hurt form that

but i love them so much and i would do nehting for them they help withmy depression a lil so thas a good thing

so in addtion to therapy i think i might try adn go back to that support group i went to awihle ago its a 45 minute drive so mayb only once a month if i do decide to go

i know that i need lie some seriious help like lock me away in a room and never let me out help i need a mental break so bad but im not willng to check myself into ip yet so that will just have to wait



im reading some good books yes i said books i read more then one at a time

*Pretty Little Liars-Sara Shepard- on page 30

*Bloodletting-Victoria Leatham-on page 103

*Love You Hate You Miss You-Elizabeth Scott- on page 218

i cant wait til i finish all of them they are all so good and i ordered mockingjay from amazon so that shoudl b coming in soon and i know when that comes in i will dorp everyuthng and read that one

i ate a lil more then i wanted to today i always snack mroe when im babysitting but tomm ima do alot better alot alot better cause if one of the therapist do answer me i wanna b smaller i need to prove to them that i do have a problem and that i need help osi have to lose more weight b4 then