Tuesday, August 31, 2010


ok so i made this bakcground for my friend J she has beena mzing and il ove her somuch so imade htis for her and she said that i coudl share it with u guys

ok so guess who was a dork again 2day yup u guessed right it was me so here is more research for u guys:

Body dysmorphic disorder

• Preoccupation with your physical appearance
• Strong belief that you have an abnormality or defect in your appearance that makes you ugly
• Frequently examining yourself in the mirror or, conversely, avoiding mirrors altogether
• Believing that others take special notice of your appearance in a negative way
• Frequent cosmetic procedures with little satisfaction
• Excessive grooming, such as hair plucking
• Feeling extremely self-conscious
• Refusing to appear in pictures
• Skin picking
• Comparing your appearance with that of others
• Avoiding social situations
• Wearing excessive makeup or clothing to camouflage perceived flaws
Body features you may obsess about include:

• Nose
• Hair
• Skin
• Moles or freckles
• Acne and blemishes
• Baldness
• Breast size
• Muscle size
• Genitalia

Acute kindey failure symtpoms

• Swelling, especially of the legs and feet.
• Little or no urine output.
• Thirst and a dry mouth.
• Rapid heart rate.
• Feeling dizzy when you stand up.
• Loss of appetite, nausea, and vomiting.
• Feeling confused, anxious and restless, or sleepy.
• Pain on one side of the back, just below the rib cage and above the waist (flank pain).

Respiratory Failure Signs and Symptoms

• Increase in the heart rate is one of the chronic respiratory failure symptoms.
• Impaired functioning of the heart and blood vessels also indicates the failure of respiratory system.
• Inadequate blood circulation to the parts of body may be because of respiratory failure.
• People with respiratory failure may appear sleepy and confused.
• Urinating rarely is also one of the respiratory failure symptoms.
• The skin of people suffering from respiratory failure might appear bluish in color. This bluish coloration of the skin is referred to as cyanosis.
• The victim will suffer from acidity.
• Drowsiness and malfunctioning of the brain and heart are also signs of respiratory failure.
• Lethargy and shortness of breath can be because of respiratory failure.
• Impaired mental functioning is also a symptom of respiratory failure.
• Chronic cough and wheezing are the signs of respiratory failure.
• The victim may appear to be confused and may get irritated very often.

Liver Failure

• Nausea
• Loss of appetite
• Fatigue
• Diarrhea
• Jaundice
• Bleeding easily
• Swollen abdomen
• Mental disorientation or confusion (known as hepatic encephalopathy)
• Sleepiness
• Coma

Chronic heart failure symptoms

• Shortness of breath (dyspnea) when you exert yourself or when you lie down
• Fatigue and weakness
• Swelling (edema) in your legs, ankles and feet
• Rapid or irregular heartbeat
• Reduced ability to exercise
• Persistent cough or wheezing with white or pink blood-tinged phlegm
• Swelling of your abdomen (ascites)
• Sudden weight gain from fluid retention
• Lack of appetite and nausea
• Difficulty concentrating or decreased alertness

Acute heart failure symptoms

• Symptoms similar to those of chronic heart failure, but more severe and start or worsen suddenly
• Sudden fluid buildup
• Rapid or irregular heartbeat (palpitations)
• Sudden, severe shortness of breath and coughing up pink, foamy mucus
• Chest pain, if your heart failure is caused by a heart attack

When to see a doctor
See your doctor if you experience any of the signs or symptoms associated with heart failure. These include:

• Chest pain
• Fatigue and weakness
• Rapid or irregular heartbeat
• Shortness of breath (dyspnea) when you exert yourself or when you lie down
• Reduced ability to exercise
• Persistent cough or wheezing with white or pink blood-tinged phlegm
• Swelling in your abdomen, legs, ankles and feet
• Difficulty concentrating or decreased alertness

i think that i have the chronic heart one and i know i have bdd and i have a few syptoms of the other ones as well. u know me i just liek to research i like toknow sypmtoms of shit for i know when mine get worse then i know what i means

i know that my body is failing me and the boy knows it too u know i have accepted that i just dont wanna die yet i know that ima die young and i know that ima die from complication fro mmy ed i just hope i can keep myself alive long enough for i can marry paul and at least have 1 kid with him. i really wanna have kids someday so lets hope my body will still let me uknwo what imean

so there is a good chance that i might lose my job yeah over a stupid reason too. c for the past 4 years since ive worked there we can wear what we want as long as its not too hoochie or unapproapraite u know we have to use our own judegment and that has been gong fine for while. then recently he decided that he wanted us to wear shirts which fine u know whatever it makes it easier for me to get dressed in but he said he would buy us one but if we wanted more whe had to buy our own. well at that time i was work 6 days straight sometimes 3 weeks straight so ineeded mroe thenone shirt so i got the one that he bought us then 2 others and at that time i didnt have themoney. so he said that he would pay for it and then when ihad the money i coiudl giv eit to him. well i never gave him the moeny and he never bought it up which is a good thing cause i really dont have the money. wel im sure u guys remember a lil while back when iposted all hes new rules and shit well they go into affect tomm the 1st of sept. so needless wo say i dont have the khakis that we are suppsoe to wear i dont and i cant afford them trust me i really cant. is at here last ntie just thinking i have enough moeny in the bank for my car payment for sept my car insurance payment for august and the minumim amount i can pay on my 5 cards for spet i still dont have th emoney int here for my car inusrance payemtn for sept thank god that is not due til the last day of sept so i have time to get that in there.

but neway back to my point i was trying to figure out if i coudl get khakis an dyea it wa a big no cause the lil money i kept out form this check went to a fewthings i needed at target( ic uodlnt even get everyuthing that i needed cause i coudnt afford it) then some went to putting gas in my car, adn the lil amount i fhave left from that is what i have to saive for i can get myself some food at the end of the week i go thru fruit like crazy.l so after target and gas i have $30 left and that will b enough to get me fruit and hopefully salad stuff fruit is dman expensive especially bing cherries which im currently adcited too and the are $3.99 a lb yes expensive,

wowi really went off topic agian so tomm when i walk into work i will have on jeans not khakis and i will hav emy earrins in cause i refuse to take themout when they havent been an issue for the last 4 fucking years so fuck that. so if he wants to fire me then he can cause i really dont carenemore he has to understand that imnot made of money i struggle and i will continue to struggle caus i will not take handouts i can support myself im thankful and grateful that my parents let me live at home rent free and they still apy my cell phone bill but i pay for my own car, my car insurance, my 5 credit card bills, i buy my own food and nething else i need(clothes books etc) andi do my own laundry. like i will buy the khakis eventaully when ih ave th extra money and i can i willnot use my credit card for that cause im tyring to not use themmuch

and if he says soemthing i will say that and i will also say that i have to go tot he doctors next week i gotta hcave blood work done and idkhow ima pay for that as it is and i will prob have to use my cards too i just wish he would understand 4 of my cards have $1000 or more on them already one only has $200 but thats a store slcothing store and i dont buy alot or clothes. yes i have a high limit on all my card but i dont want them to get even close to that limit cause that means im evenmore fucked then i already am and i will not get myself into that much trouble and if he dones like it then o well

so if he does fire me at least i can collect unemplyemnt then and i can not b stressed bout this job and i can keep searching and looking for another better job that wont b as stressful or treat me like shit like this one does. and with the less stress then ican try and get back on track with finding a therapist and everything u know what i mean

so ima stop rambling now i think idk istill go tmore to say ima just ry and not ramble as much

at target i got:
*5 vitamin water 0
*5 sobe life water 0
*1 tube of chapstick
*2 .94 cent nailpolishs
*a small corkboard that i got on clearance
*and some push pins for said corkboard

the things i need that i cant get yet
*face wash
*hair gel
*gum( the car holder big pack kind)
*hair tyes
um and a few more htings that i really can think of right now cause my head is just a mess u know what i mean and u guys know how i get

so i have an intense urge to just rearrangemy hole room shich is impossible cause my bed takes almost my hole room so reorrganizing isnt an options but i so want to i hope this urge will pass
i hung up my corkbaord and i put my bloodtest paper on it fo ri will auctally remember to go and get it done the the 7th. im aslo going to put ont here all my credit card dates like then my payments are due i pay them all online so id ont get paper statements so i froget sometiem so ima write those down and post it on there fo ri remember
i also hung up 2 collages that i made that i found the things u find when u clean
im also gonna print out all the backgrounds i have made for i can hang them up
and when im down with all my crazy research i will print that out as well
i also started a book list of all the books that i want yes its 3 pages long and nope its nowhere near down it will prob never get down cause i always want new books

so i started reading "mockingjay" today and im on chapter 3 and its abspulty amzing so far i cant wait to read more the plan was to read all day today but my head wouldnt let me sit sitll for too long so i havent read nemore yet but im def going to try to later

im still trying to read "empty" i just cant read tomuch of it at a time caus eim like shut thefuck up with the relious god sht already i dont wanna read it

still working on pretty lil liars as well and i like it i really do and i will finish that one when im donne with mockingjay

food log so far:
*small banana
*few 2 many eddys dips(kept munching on them thru out the day)
*few chips def not a hole serving
*salad(3 romaine lettuce leaves, 3 slices veggie proein turkey, 1 kosher pickle, 1 apple, croutons)

*liter of water
*2 sport bottle of water
*sobe life water 0
*cup of hot tea

i willdef dirnk more tonite cause the boy has been on my back about not dirnkng nrealy enough casue i never drink nething while im with him at nite i hate getting up to pee all the time as it is and id rather spend time with him then having toget up to pee all the time

*65 min bike-450 cals burnt
on the bike i kept it on level 7 most of the time but every once ina hwile i would out it up to level 10 and go like 100 rpm for 2 or more minutes yeah that was hard then after i would put it down to level 5 to giv emy ehart a chance to calm down then go back to level 7 it was a relaly good workout and iwas drenched in sweat after and i loved it

and oo yay i got to talk to my sister today shes been at college since thursday but seh called me today and we got to talk and it made me so much happiet shes gonna ocme home seom wkds not all but some of them so she wants me to come up to visit sometime and i will as soon as i can drive to philly witout pancikng yeah that will prob never happen but mayb the boy will drive me up

ok im really done now i love u all


  1. Thanks for the kind words! Slept better last night, so hopefully it won't happen again for a while.

    That stinks about your job - I hope everything works out ok! And that's stupid with the earrings. It's not like facial piercings or tattoos or something "alternative," they're just earrings! Lol, sorry that makes me mad.

    What's Mockingjay? I need more books...

    The Pretty Little Liars series is AWESOME - waaaay better than the TV show. And they're not even the kinds of books I normally read, but I got through all of them in like a week.


  2. ur welcome hun im always here for u iu know that
    as u can c if u read m new post it ddint
    and i expalined mockingjay in it as well