1/27/11

so i was snowed in today we got between 11-14 inches of snow they arent sure exaclty how much but its in the range its a good thing that i didnt have to go to work today cause i would of never been able to mak eit in my car was snowed in.

i got up at 8am this omring and automatically went outside to clean off my car it took me about 40 minutes to do it yup i cleaned off my car and shovled just a lil but i was just so numb and frozen my fingers were swollen i dont do well inthe cold at all. my dad had to come and snow blowa roud my car for im able to get out tomm for work. then my bro sepnt 4 hours snowblowing and cleaning off the side walk and int he back were my parents park. i hate snow im really gettingisck of it and we are suppose to get another inch tomm and thena possible another 2 on sat and then we have another big snow storm coming tuesday and wed ugh fucking winter it needs to stop already

but these are pics of my back yard





had the kids today as well from 10am to 530pm yes a longer day then normal and im exhasuted from it but i love them. N was really fussy and squirmy today so he didnt wanna sit still so had to carry him around alot but i didnt get to lay on the couch for an hour with him sleeping on my chest. i took P outside to paly int he snwo we were out there for an hour we built a snowman and we had a snowball fight well a lil one and made a snow angel and then she had fun pushing me over into the snow my back is a lil sore form that. but my fingers are finally not swollen nemore and my toes arent numb but it made her happy so it was so worth it. me and b just played alot we colored and ran away and had tickly fights its hard to say exaclty everythign that me and the munchins do all day cause we just play alot
heres the snowman we made





i suck eating wise today like majorily it was way to muchjunk and i hatemyself for it i just kept snacking a lil and i never acutally ate a full or realy meal just snacked and of course it was all junk i was planning on making a good dinner of grilled chicken and a small baked potato for i had some nutritin today but i cant my dads home an di dont cook when hes home cuase hes always on my case bout what i eat always wahtu makking o dont eat that or that to much carbs or sodiuma nd shit so ididnt make that dinner i just had a few grapes and cherries that ih ad in my fridge in my room.

i did clean my room a lil today i finally folde dmy laundry and i cleaned up the mess also go some crunches in as well

ugh nomatter if i sleep or not im still so exhasuted like no mattter what ij ust feel so run down and beat and tired even eating more isnt helping it so fuck it im not gonna eat more if its not gonna help me funcstion more so yeah no more of that extra food thing.

im still fat and gross and huge and i hate myself for it c u guysare gonna hateme for this but my natural weight is between 105-110 lbs and i try to keep myself under that i would love double digits i really need to get there again. yes im one of those annoying skinny girls but i was born so early that my weight is gonna b lower hence y doc never cares about my weight but yeah i hate being between those numbers they just scare me so much ugh

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amy- u will get t hat skinny and u will get the flat stomach u just have to b storng

thamothaload-um yeah ur right u dont knwo me whic is fine but nuttin neone can say or do weill make me c myself differently ive been this way for so long its just whot i am but thanx for caring

mich-yes yes yes we can do it again

desperee-ij ust wish that my stomach was smaller and flatter and ugh but yeah im in fromthe snow well i was out in it just didnt drive hate thiss now

undesirablenumber1-well ive been self harming for awahile now and thanx for caring hun but turst me no1 cares that i do it yeah i gotta do better with eating i was in binge mood there for awhile

riahbear-i dont c myself as strong hun but thanx