10/12/10

thank you ash, mich, ana, acka11, sarah, and skinny_el. u guys really are teh best and i appreciated all the comments. u guys dont have to worry about me though i will b ok. im not gonna take it to teh extreme or nething i know my limits now. im not gonna completely stop eating again, imnot gonna stop drinking again. im not gonna almost die again. ijust need to hit rock bottom and i knwo u guys understand that. but ima b smart about it well as smart as an overexercising anorexic can b. i will tell u one thing i will not go back to mia idc if im force feed again i will not purge i cant go back to that. and ima try my hardest to keep my cutting to a minimum ive been dong really well with that lately so we will try and keep that up.

my head is cloudy today and im tired and my heart was just bugging me a lil but it could b cause i was stupid and barely drank much but ima fix that like i said i gotta keep drinking i forget to drink so i gotta force it down most of the time.

i went to the library today i hate the library i know weird i love to read i love books but i hate the library its just way to quite in there for me idk but i had to go. i really wanted "wasted" and since my friend has my copy i had to borrow the libraries one. i was reading it online but i like to feel the book in my hand i know its werid but i like the way books feel call me crazy its ok.

i went tot he gym today cause it was raining this moring the rain explained y my body was in so much pain last nite. i have alot of old injuries that never healed right so when its gonna rain or snow or b cold or hot or just plain changes seasons i can feel it and last nite i just hurt so bad tot he point were i coudlnt lay still i had to keep moving and finding a werid positon to lay in. the werid postions look uncomfrtable but they help.

my mom told me today that my cousin is gonna bring the kids down tomm yay. i havent seen them since she had her 3rd lil one. and munchin said she missed us so they are all coming down tomm im so excited i cant wait to c them imiss them somuch its crazy.

i did air bike today fora bout hour and half i tired to find the cals burned online the closest think i came up with was stationary bike very light burns 204 cals for the hour and half so ima go with that id rather under estimate cals burned then over estimate them.

so my aunt made us dinner today i hate when other ppl cook me food cause idk the cals of nehting like that. but she made us broccoli, garlic noodles, and chicken in like sauce that im guess was red wine vinager. this is what she made im guessing 200 cals what do u guys think



one tree hill tonite i cant wait i love the new season ijust love that show in general so yay i get to watch oth and then i get to watch season finale on teen mom i love that show maci is my fav she just seems liek the best mom she does everything for her son and takes him everywhere. iknow im mean but it seems like every epi catleynn gets bigger i know throw the daggers but yeah

o and tomm at 10pm on E that food show is on the what eats u or whatever its called but im guessing its aobut disorded eating and stuff idk i dont know much about it but im sure gonna watch it

food log
breakfast
*pear-75

snack
*pretzels-100

lunch
*asparagus-20
*salad-lettuce(20), pickle(0), tomato(15), peppers(20)

snack
*dried papaya-140

dinner
*the pic of what aunt made

drinks
*cup of peppermint tea
*liter of water
*fuze-20

exercise
*hour and half air bike-204 cals burned
*65 min elly lever 5- 478 cals burned