10/13/10

so i ate even more after i posted my binge 3 more granola bars after iposted ugh i suck i know
i did manage to drink liter and half of water b4 bed but as i was laying there in be di was having a hard time breathing and i thought i was gonna puke and my heart kept skipping beats and shit and it got me really scared so i had some pretzels and a fruit bar i felt better after that
so after my binge yesterday im up a good 4 lbs yup u read that rigth 4 lbs i was 104 lbs this morning that is just gross and unaccetalbe if u ask me ugh how coul di let that happen im so gross and fat and huge now ugh

so inorder to fix that i was gonna liquid fast today with the option of soup if i needed it.yeah it didnt work out to well it started out good i made a dairy free smoothie this morning and then around noon it just all went to hell th eacid in my stomach was getting into my throat it was somuch acid an di have stomach issues so yeah u coudl imagine it wasnt fun and the only way to get it ot settle down is to eat bread i didnt have crackers or rice cakes. i gotta find something else to eat to settle down the acid cause i cant keep eating the amount of bread that i am eating cause its way way way to fucking much ugh wtf me an dmy sotmach body issues stomach heart just everything im so fucked up and i hate it
all u girls that can fast and b fine are so lucky im so enviousof u guys i use to b able to do that but i cant nemore i cant i fucked myself up to much to do that nemore and i hate it u have no idea.

so now i just gotta find soemthiing to deal with my stomach issues and bread just isnt it yeah it helps absorbs the acid but it hurts my stomach i cant eat heavy things nemore either so yeah lose lose situation here. i think ima try rice cakes next time though mayb those will help and they will b better less cals and less carbs hopefully.

idk if i feel asleep on my ipod or what last nite but my ribs on my left side r killing me so bad and then add in the whole body pain cause of the storm that is coming tomm yeah im sore and achey and in a bad mood.

my cousin bought her 3 kids down with her today for we can c them. well really munchin asked to ocme down cause she missed us so much. but i got to play with her (4yrsold) benny(10months) and i gott o c the newest additon nate(2 months).
they are al adorabvle and the loves of my life
i got to hold nate for a while i love justholding babies it makes me want one so bad eventually
me and munchin and benny did go outside for a lil. we played tag now running after a 4 yr old while holding a 10 month old isnt the easiest thiing in the world but we did it we also played on the slide and the beam and just planned played.
eventually i took benny inside and just palyed with munchin we spent at least 15 minutes straight climbing up our club house ladder and the going down the slide and repeat 15 mins straight u have no idea how bad my leg hurt after that.
the kids were here for about hour and 40 minutes and i spent that hole time playing with them idk how many cals i burned but i hope i bunred off at least so of the way to many cals i ate today.

no gym today causei wasnt sure when there were coming over so theonlywork out i got was playing with them i will do crunches later though.

the plan for tomm is to get to the gym b4 the storm starts idc how much pain i am in i am going to do at least an hour on elly.
got my plan for tomm food wise sorta figured out
b-banana pear non dairy smoothie
l-veggies
d-soup

no i will prob have to have nsakc inbetween depending on hoe my stomach is dealing witht he acid and all the shit but ima try and stay away from the bread tomm though i will try some animal crackers or something.

my mom is gonna try and find that lacataid stuff for my milk issues i need to find soemthing to deal with at least one of my issues b4 i go insane

so food wise bad bad day i ate
*banana grape smoothie-95
*6 slices bread/toast peppreidge farm light- 240
*pretzels-100
*soup campbells low sodium chiken noodle-160
*grapes-not sure how many i jsut munched

ima try my hardest not to eat nething else tonite i really am but hopefully if i do fuck up its not as big as yesterday fuck up

i did manage to drink a lil more today
*2 liters water
*hot choc-65
*oraange tea-0
*sodium free chicken broth-0

skinny-el and bellana-im a oth junkie its horrible ive been addcited to the show since the very beginning

ash-wasted is amzing isnt it i read alil bit each day and yes gotta use fuckmore hah love u and yeah i know it could of been alot worse an di know god as soon as i stopped purging b4 myacid refulx got even worse like if i knew that was gonna happen i would of never stopped but i did and now i cant go back to that

bellana(again)- yeah i didnt purge i wouldnt too but i have aproblem witht hat too so i resisited i didnt take laxies cause im taking these cleansing pills but of course then didnt work this morning ugh figures

beleive- i will have to look for those pills thanx

ana-yeah purging is extrmeemly hard on me i throw up blood everytime an di also pop numderous amounts of blood vessles on my face like my face will b one big purple blob its just ugh and my eyes are blood shot for like a day so yeah no more purging for me i didnt get to exercise today but i am going to go tomm