10/23/10

ugh today was just insane not a good day at all and it sucks.

it didnt start out good at all i threw up and threw up alot i didnt think i had that much food in my damn body to throw up the amount that i did.
firist time it was just white foamy stuff but it could also been the banana i ate a few hours earlier yes a few hours my body doesnt disguist fast so yeah.
i ate my banana nut muffin and i knew after the first bite that it was gonna come back up caus ei just felt so bad but it acutally taste good so i ate it all and since ima glutton for punishment i had like 2 spoons of ice cream
yeah that came up too alot came up i swear it was 4 toilet flushes thats how much came up .

u know that whe u throw up alot u gotta flush it in between yeah thats what happened 4 times it just kept coming andc oming it was crazy and im like wtf enough already and it didnt help that at one point the muffin got stuck so i had to use my fingers so now my knuckles are even wrose then there were that are very very red like obvious red and its been hours.

when my body finally decided that it was done i went to get up for i coul clean the toilet andmyself up yeah i went to stand and just feel like right down back tot he ground. i just layed there for a minute and finally deicded that i had to get myself up and cleaned. so i picked myself and cleaned everything and sprayed the bathroom for it didnt smell like vomit. now granted my parents now that certain things just dont sit with me do they know that it makes me throw up or that there are times were i force food up nope they are oblivious to that and to evertyhing

i got myself in to my room and just layed there. b4 the second season of vomiting i aksed my mom to get me some more powerade 0 since she was going out. she got me 2 bottles one strawberry and one mixed berry. so i knew that was on the way so i just layed there for awhle shaking like a leaf and jsut waited.

i konw something is really wrong with me that im vomiting all the time but i cant help it and i dont have the resources to go tot he doctor so ima just deal with it and the foods that come up are never to b eaten again.

im still alil shaky from this morning but im ok i didnt fall down again after that one time well had a few clsoe calls but i caught myself b4 i went completely down.

when mom got home i had a cup of powerade 0 and an apple and just relaxed for an hour until i got up to go wash my car. i know u guys prob think im crazy for washing my car after throwing up so much in the morning but i twas acutally nice today well chilly but i wanted to get one last car wash in b4 it got really cold and i coudlnt do it nemore.

i spent about and hour and half washing the outside and iw as gonna go start on the inside after i trew some things away. yeah so i come back outside an dmy phone is gone it like fucking disappeared like poof into thin air. the funny thing is i always havem y phone on the proch whiel im cleaning andi never had aproblem with it b4. but this time app some ass fuck of a mother fucking sucm bag decided to take it. like y take the phone when my car keys were sitting right there. but hey im gald they didnt take my keys that would b bad

im just so pissed i had so much on my phone. all my numbers htank god i had most of them written down though but not all so i lost some which sucks hey Em if u read this i need ur number again i emailed u too. but i also lost all my pics taht were on there and my memory card that was in there i didnt get around to tranfsermy pics onto my computer so i lost everything. and im just freaking out cause i had self harm pics on there i dont want ppl seeing those they arent meant to b seen there wre for me only hence y they were on my phone. also lost all my pics of my new lil baby cousin and the pics i had of my other cousins. i had all my outfits on there and pics of my body not like naked ones but like progress ones. and its like y the fuck did some1 have to take it. i also had allm y exericse logs on there as well ugh ass fucks.

i fucking hate this fucking town and the fucking scum asshats that live here. .ikke ugh my phone barely worked neway but it was my phone but those fuckers are in for a treat ha. i have the env touch and it has its issues. 1) it randomly turns off for no reason b) i dropped it and the casing isnt all on so the buttons are all screwy like i will push the msg button on the touch screen and the volume thing will come up 3) the front screen doesnt work all the time likeit will go black or blue or green and d) the insdie screen does that as well

so its not like its gonna auctally owrk for them but i lost alot of shit and ugh it sill makes me pissed u have no fucking idea.

me and my bro went on line and suspened the service then he found hes old razor and we tranfered my number to that phone. also filed a claim on the webiste for my lost phone so i will getmy replacemtn phone in about 2 days. i had to pay $90 for it though ugh well that was my 2nd replacemtn so its understandable. and i do get a brand new env touch out of the deal that phone is like $400 online so yeah i am getting a good deal on it and i get a new battery and charger as well.

but im not use to this phone i have now and its old and my bros front screen is broken doesnt work at all so i pretty much just leave it flipped open fori know how is calling or txting. but its a phone and its good neough for now idk what i would do if my bro didnt have taht cause i cant b witho ut a phone no1 knows my house number all my applications have my cell number and my boyfriend or anan friends wouldnt b able to get ahole of me either but crisis averted yay for that.

oo also today got aletter aobutmy unemplyoment benefits i applied there decision so now they send me another letter saying i will b having a phone hearing on november first to talk about the appeal and to make a decsion like fuck just give me the money its my money i earend it stop giving it to scum bags who never worked. ive been working since i was 18 i earned it. and its not like im just sitting here doing nuttin im applying to jobs a shit fuck ton load of jobs and im just not getting called back. i need a job mom said that they would help me wit my november bills but i dont want their help cause then i owe them and oweing them is not something i want. so i guess we will c.

i pained my nails bright yellow and i had a pic of them toshow u guys but yeah they are on the stolen phone so no pics im so sorry they arelike bright bright yellp though :) and its a change for me cause i usually wear dark colors like black or dark dark blue thats its almots blue

so yeah the food that i acutally kept down so far today was apple, 3 pretzles, and fewjelly beans.

dont ask me what was thrown up cause theres no way a muffin and alil ice cream produced that much vomit so i guess it ws the food form yesterday as well but who knows.

dinner im planning a huge salad(lettuce, apple, pickle, cucumber) and thena cup of my carrot red pepper soup(53 cals for that)

so that will b dinner i will prob munch on some pretzels later caus eyeahi just love pretzels and they are good on my sotmach.

im all alone tonite its saturday so im in for the nite sicne the boy si going out so i will prob just read either fanfics or wasted prob combo of both an di will watch tv watching food network right now its the cake challange so its a good one

love ua ll and stay strong u are all amzing