realization

u know when something happens and it just hits u like a ton of bricks its like bam holy fuck i really am sicker then i thought i was or i cant keep doing this cause i really am going to die. its like realization time and it always hits at the weirdest time well it does for me at least.

it hit me when i was leaned over the toilet puking up blood no food barely ne water just blood and i dont mean like just spit and hi there is a lil blood there i mean fingers covered toilet covered in blood it was not fun and it was acutally really scary. im scaring myself now im scaring the boy even more.

we went to tgi fridays last nite i love their dragnonfire chicken its so yummy and good and the hole plate is like 400 and some calories an di never eatmore then half my food but yeah thats not the point.

my mom got me those lactaid pills yesterday to help with my hole dairy issue. i took them for the first time with the mcflurry that my sis made me eat. i got the worst and i mean wrost stmach pains ever and my chest was killing me even more.
then i took them for a secodn time with dinner cause the boy got potato skins for appy and i alwasy have to eat at least 1 of hes appy i felt really sick after that as well. then my food came an di was eating it and ijust kept feeling sicker an dsicker and sicker.

he noticed i wasnt looking good and he asked if i was ok im like yeah im just gonna puke hes like u sure im like yeah but i wanna wait til we get home. hes like will u make it home the bathroom is right there if u wont. im like yeah i dont wanna throw up here its to public i wanna wait til we get home. so we go home and he wants to stop at hes house real quick but he says that i cfan just drop him off go home do what i have to and thens ome get him again so that is what happens.

i walk up stairs drink some water and go to the bathroom and yes blood just blood he says i was gone for like 20 minutes so i guess i was throwing up blood for a lil while then. im so sore everything just hurts i cant breathe to deep cause it hurts my ribs, i cant cough or laugh casue it feels like my sternum is just gonna crack open, i cant lay in one postion for 2 long cause all my bones just hurt so bad.

he just held me last nite while im shaking like a leaf and trying to not throw up more he kept saying that everything was gonna b ok that i was gonna b ok that i wasnt gonna take those pills nemore and i was gonna eat ne diary nemore when we go out u can get a dessert with out ne dairy u can just eat ur salads and fruits and it will b ok.

i think im really starting to scare him with this cause throwing up blood isnt normal at all an didk y it happened or what caused it to happen. he had to practically like carry me out of the restraruant he just put hes arm around me and helpd me up for i barely had to walk.

no gym today even though i want to but i hurt so bad just sitting here is hard so i cant imagine working out at all.
i am gonna shower evenutally an di need to go get gas my gas light is about to turn on. then even though i have no money ima take my credit card and go to target. i need more tea, flavored water. i also need to find some drinks with electrolytes in them since i threw up 2 days in a row an di still feel like im gonan now my electrolytes are prob all fucked up so i need to get like gatorade or powerade soemthing like that. and since i cant eat my granola bars nemore since they have dairy in them gonna try and find some soy bars. and then i will look at the books and the moives see if i find soemthing that catches my eye and isnt expensive at all.

tomm im going over my aunts house to help her take care of 3 o fmy lil cousins the littlest ones. my cousin wants to take P to dorney for the halloween thing at the kids section so my aunt offered to watch the other 2 my cousin was like u sureu want both at one day and my aunts like yeah i will b fine danis coming over too to help so i will get to c the 2 kids tomm and they will help me fele way better i love them so much.

so ima relax for alil evenutally shower and start my day i might update later u knowme i always have more to say