Monday, September 20, 2010


so i made these 2 bracelts the other day and i wanted to share them with u guys. u can c my scars and im sorry for that i hope that it doesnt offend or trigger neone. i know th escars are pretty and u dont have to tell me that or tell how bad what im doing is or tell me to stop trust me it wont work so dont waste ur breathe on that. but neone one says "breathe" and the other one says "forza" forza means strength in italian. im planning on making more i just dk what other words to do right now so suggestions please.

so heres a lil glimpse as to y my head is so fucked up my parents do play a rule in it they just driv eme crazy andthey make me never wanna eat or go downstairs to make or grabe nething when they are home cause they are always judging. yesterday i went downstairs to make a baked potato to go with my veggie salad and this is the conversation i had iwth my dad:

him: ru sure u should b eating that?
me: yes dad i can have potatos
him:r u srue about that
me: yes dad im sure thre is no cholestrol or sodium in them
him:well they are a complex carb so u shoudlnt b eating them

i know what i can eat and what i cant i know what my head desont like me to it i know that my head doesnt want me to eat at all and him saying those things all the time arent working they are making my head worse they are making me never want to eat in front of him again or make nehitn gin front of him. he judges me on the fruit i eat on my veggies he picks apart my salads like y cant he just fuck off already and leave me alone worry about him self and all the food that he shovesin hes mouth and not about the lil amount that i eat ugh he annoys me so much.

so my head has been driving me fucking crazy lately like insanely crazy like omg just shut the fuck up already all i do is exerise and exercise cause i have to cause it tells me that i have 2 no matter how tired i am nomatter how sore i am it doesnt matter i have to burn nearly everything off or everything or more they everything and its not letting up its getting worse and i cant get ahandle on it so welcome to the world of my ever revolving eating disorders if im not starving im binging if im not binging im purging if im not purging im over exerciseing. its just crazy all the thoughts that run thru my head its constatly about food and cals how many i had how many did i burn off how many more can i burn off b4 my body cant handle it and i pass out so yeah my head is a mess but what else is new im a mess

food log so far:

*cup of cantloupe
*dry frosted flakes

*small tomato

*3 cups broccolli


*cup of hot tazo orange caffeine tea
*liter and half of water
*choc mocha hot choc-hot water and 2 tbsp mix

*65 min elly interval hill workout level 10-448 cals burned
*jogged in place 1 hour while watching gilmore girls-374 cals burned
*18 min running steps-210 cals burned

yes i checked the cals on

im planningon havine a nice salad for dinner that i will burn off after and also ifi eat neting else thru out th enite i will b sure to burn it all off or as much of it as i can

lov2laff -hey thanx hun def let me know if u find nething else and u dont have to b underweight to lose ur period its all how ur body works i think mine just isnt strong enough to handle itnemore

lola anais - imglad im not the only crazy person wo measures her food and shit and i tend to buy the same things all the time i get in a certain routine and i just stick to it

sarah - thanx hun i hope so too

mich -yeah ur right u shoudl prob go to the doc about that but iunderstand that u wont cause i prob wouldnt either and im the ame way ive had ppl threaten to drag me 2 the er if i didnt go on my own


  1. Ugh I'm so sorry about your dad, my grandma does the same thing, as if I weren't f**** up enuff about eating in front of people!

    and wow I thought I was the only one who thought the scars were pretty. aren't we twistedd?

    omg you would love ice skating I hope you can try it! wear poofy clothes and hang on to the wall if you have to, its so much fun!

  2. That really sucks. Why do parents do that?! My dad is really similar.

  3. just try to think of it as your parents trying to care for you. i don't really know what it feels like because my parents never notice what i eat and I have to loook after myself, but i can totally understand that it would hurt. and the way that he said it is also hurtful, good luck though babe and you are doing so well with your food, so don't let anyones comments put you off your track. easier said than done, i know. but i believe that you can do it. x

  4. I'd tell him to worry about what he puts in his mouth and not what you put in yours, but hey I'm a bitch haha Don't mind him, keep doing what you want to do, stay strong. lots of lovee

  5. That stinks about your dad. :( Mum can be like that - she's either harping on the fact that I'm not eating enough, or looking at my plate and going, "you're going to eat THAT?!?" There's no in between.

  6. realllyy good on the excercise and the food im trying to gain my control back slowly i lost it but i cant be away from ana

  7. i love u all u are all the best u know that thank u so much
    and my parents are crazy all over theplace ppl so whatever