Thursday, September 9, 2010


yes who found her pedometer watch today yup me thats who the fucker has been missing for days and i was going nuts without it so i decided today iw as gonna tear my room apart and find it i know it had to be in here some where. i have my old laptop and old printer int he corner of my room my dad wants to smash it to destroy the harddrive he just hasnt done it yet so put that in my closest. sicne ther is nuttin in my closest i dont have nething in my room allm y clothes and books and everything is in bins outside of my room cause well long story short my neighbors are scumbags and got bed bugs and we are in a row home so we got hem too and of course the only room there were in was mine but they are gone nowmy dad is just makng sure b4 he lets me move everyting in. yeah well back to the point my closest is empty soi put that stuff in there well after i had my mom help me move my bed over a lil for i coudl get in my closest. i cleaned up that corner moved all my drinks and yay there was my watch idk how it got over there but it did. so now that corner is clean i go tmy lil computer chair there and my drinks and my lil lock box..since iwas on a roll i cleaned up my other corner as well :)

it took me awhile to do that cuase i just felt out of it all day it ired not eating ne junk at all today and i was feeling well my like 2pm i was just so shaky andmy head was cloudy and i knew my sugar was dropping usually ijust have one of my brothers glucose tablets he has diabetis but he took all hes stuff with him to school so they werent thre so i neded up eating stuff i really didnt want to but it did make me feel better

my mom is being really werid and nice. i asked her if i could use the washer and dryer early to do wash and then i went downstairs later to make tea and i asked her if i could make some of her french fries in the oven later shes said yeah u can have nething u want u dont have to ask to eat something or use the washer so that was werid im tryng to figure out what that means the only ting i can think of is this morinng she came into my room while i was changing for the gym i was just in cheering shorts and a sprots bra so idk if that bought it on i don thtink i look to skinny or nehting but mayb she did idk

she also said that she wanted to try to try the new mint hot choc and she asked me if she bought some if i would try it too shes like its not ur normal fat free diet stuff but its mint (she knows i have a mint thing) so i told her i would have a cup if she bought it i also asked if she coudl buy me somes grapes and candy corn. yes candy corn i like candy corn an di only eat it during the fall for halloween its the only time i crave it she said if she remembers she'll get the candy corn for me im like thanx

tomm i get to go the docs and have him yell at me cause mycholetrol isnt were its suppose to b he stilldoesnt understand its genetic i wont b able to get it down on my own last year i got i tdown a lil but it still wasnt under the numbers he wants and they he will yell at me about my blood pressue yes im just a mess c these are some of the reasons y my weight is never an issue for him cause if u have high cholestorl or high blood pressure ppl assume u eat and u eat alot or bad

so i went on today and it said that if i eat 1000 cals everyday adn i exercise 3-4 times a week then i can b in double digits by the end of my month yay. i choose 1000 cals just cause its easier for me to chosse a higher number then a lower one i prob wont eat taht many cals but if i choose 500 cals a day idk if i can stick to that everyday cause o fmy heart and my fucked up body. heres the chart:

Day Weight

09/16/2010 101.6

09/23/2010 100 1

09/30/2010 98.41

10/07/2010 96.85

10/14/2010 95.31

10/21/2010 93.79

10/28/2010 92.31

11/04/2010 90.82

11/11/2010 89.36

11/18/2010 87.93

11/25/2010 86.51

12/02/2010 85.12

12/09/2010 83.74

12/16/2010 82.39

12/23/2010 81.05

12/30/2010 79.73

01/06/2011 78.43

01/13/2011 77.15

01/20/2011 75.88

so i did it til jan 20th cuse my bday si the 18th if everything goes well i can b 75 lbs my then yes please it prob wont go well cause well im suppoes to start therapy in november well at least i can b smaller by the time therapy comes around

oo also my bff :) and i are gonna trya nd go vegan together shes not my real life bff shes my ana buddy we've been talking for aover a year now everyday we literally txt every she really is my bff and i know if we lived int he same place we would b attached to the hip we aree are long lost twins expect im a few years older but o well.

but neway back tot he point vegan she did it b4 and loved it and ii have been trying for ahwile now it just never works so we are going to try it together we decided to start it on monday it gives us a few days to work up to it and since i have to eat with the boy on fridays adn he will make me eat chicken so we decided that one day a week will b a free day for us o trust me i wont go crazy on my free day its just its hard to b vegan on fridays when the boy takes u out most restraurants dont have vegan options at all but im excited to start this and i cant wait i want all ths fat disgusitng weight off of me already :)

food log so far
*cup cantalope
*choc mint granola bar
*cup of tomato salsa soup
*few doritos(sugar dropped)
*lil bowl of ice cream(sugar again)

*2 liters of water
*bottle of vitamin water 0
*2 cups hot tea

*65 min elly around the world hill work out level9- 479 cals burned

for dinner im really thinking about amking some fries in the oven and mayb some chicken tenders with them or mayb just veggies prob the veggies

adn thanx for ur guys helps on the new page tab things i did it i added 2 of them "ths is me" cw weight and measurements and my story and then "books" were i put what im reading adn recommendations and books i have yet to read
let me know what u guys think


  1. I need a new pedometer. I had a totally awesome one that I got in a box of Frosted Flakes, but I can't find it anywhere. It had Tony the Tiger on it - 'twas pretty rad.

    Love the new pages, especially the book one. I keep forgetting to update mine. I've already made a list of books I need to buy from your list of suggestions......

    Have a good night, princess!

  2. lol tony the tiger i literally laughed when i read that and i had frosted flakes this morng no milk of course

    im glad thati could help add to ur book list
    i have more recommendaton i just coudnt think i gotta dig out all my books eventally

  3. Just stumbled upon your blog, you're so inspiring! I wish I were as skinny as you =) It must be nice having a bff who also has an eating disorder, you don't feel so alone then. I love The Hunger Games trilogy too! I'm so sad it's over now =( I'll try some of your other recommendations too.

    Looking forward to reading more from you! <3 Issyla

  4. aww thanx hun
    and its nice exceot she doesnt live by me we arent even int he same state its hard
    hey juts thing we will b abelt ot c the series on the big screen soon moives hell yess