9/7/10

just wanted to give u guys an update while i work on the taylor momsen backgrounds im sorry hun idk ur name or i would of said ur name im having a major brainfart and cant even remember ur username im so sorry

but dw guys im not gonna give up on my relationship i as just having a really shit day yesterday and it doesnt help that the week leading up to that shitty day was bad as well my depression has been a bitch but i talked to him last nite well more like he talked to me he knows i have been struggling alot lately this what he said"

" dont stress over this unemployment shit it will all work out in the end so dont stress over that u need to take care of urself u need to sleep and eat on a schedule u need to not run urself donw nemore u have to sleep u have to clear ur mind i know thats hard for u to do with everything going on in there but u have to clear it just a lil for u can sleep i know ur head is constanlty going but u need to rest and u need to eat for u feel better. u also just have to keep busy just keep moving doing something but u need to take care of urself"

so he does understand taht im not all that great and hes right i cant run myself down and my head is constantly going which is y i dont sleep much and then add in the insomnia on top of that os yeah im just a mess

i ate way to much today combined with barely eating nething yesterday then the 12 hour fast i had to do for my blood work it tunred in to 16 dcause i didnt get up right away and they were busy. ic an fast my heart gets all werid and its not fun trust me but the doc doesn tknow that cause he knows nuttin abou tmy ed or my issues but i had to get my cholestrol checked and u have to fast for that so combined with that then the blood they took then the workout i did after ive had a massive massive headache then is finally starting to go down a lil but it resulted in me eating way to much and sorta freaking out right now but i knwo i needed that food my belly doesnt agree but the dulling headache does

tomm im determined to do way better food wise and exercise wise welli had a good exercise day today but i gotta do a lil more tomm to burn off the extra cals i ate today.

so i go to the docs on friday to get my results which well prob end in him yelling at me and telling me im not follwoing the damn low sodium low cholestrol low cal diet he put me on well hello doc eating disorder here icut out food as it is ur diet is nthard to follow its just sometimes i like me some salt and ice cream like fuck but i cant say tthat to him so whtever i washoping to b smaller by then for mayb he would finally notice but after today that wont happen the scale will prob say like 105-106 like always(i'll have my gym clothes on) and u well say good and we will go on our seperate wasy u clueless as always and me screaming out for help inside ugh whatever

well i should get back to making those taylor momsen backgrounds