o girls i am so tired buti cant stop i have to exercise as much as i am becuase my head is just a jumble fucked up mess right now and wont shut up for 2 fucking seconds for i can get some peace and quite in there. nope i go the constant voices driving me crazy and lil miss ocer exerciser is the worst right now ana is right behind. i know that exercising as much as i am isnt good and in the end ima end up hruting myself but i cant help it and i cant stop it i have to burn off everything i eat and then some i have to do an hour on elly at the gym everyday well lately its been 2 hours i have to jog in placein my room for an hour everynite(i keep my feet on the floor) today it was 2 hours i have to do crunches and take way to many pills just to give me some down time from my voices but really they dont go away they just u know hide for a lil then come back full force well even worse then full force
idk if im making sense or not my head is so cloudy after im done working out im nasouses so i have to eat a lil something just for i dont throw up but then after i eat it i gotta work it off so its a enver ending cycle lovely lucky me
i appled for a couple jobs today and yesterday
yesterday the first on ei applied to was at a casino it took me over 20 minutes to fill out the application they asked me my weight height hair color which ithough was weird but neway when i finally hit submit onthe computer it took me that i was ineligalbe neway well that was a waste of my time
i also applied to target yesterday it asked if i was pallnong on staying less then 90 days or more i choose the less then 90 days one becuase im not planning on being there that long i just need a job to help with my bills until i can find a full time job that application took forever as well
i went to apply to toys r us today but my head was so cloudy that i coudlnt get thru the applicatio soi guess i will work out on that tomm
so i finished book 7 in the Pretty Little Liars series i read that hole book in one day and tomm ima take book 8th with me tot he gym
food log
breakfast
*1 cookie-56
*apple-55
*1/2 cup cantaloupe-27.5
lunch
*15 mini pretzels-82.5
*green beans-90
snack(not eaten all at once spread out thru the afternoon)
*apple-55
*5 mini pretzels-27.5
*buggles-160
dinner
*pear-105
*salad-lettuce(10), cucumber(5), small tomato(15), pickle(0), bell peppers(10), wine vinager dressing(0)
drinks
*3 liters of water
*cup of hot caffeine free tea
*vitamin water0
*cup of hot choc-65
total cals consumed- 763.5
exercise
*65 min interval hill workout elly level 13- 437 cals burned
*65 min elly level5- 460 cals burned
*2 hours joggin in place-740 cals burned
*1,814 steps taken-45 cals burned
total cals burned- 1,682
well im off to burn off dinner
eh i know, my head is a mess too. nothing shuts up the voices except things that are bad for us, doesn't it seem? And yeah imma block his number if he texts again but i dont think he will. XD love ya!
ReplyDeleteim sorry ive been so crappy at commenting :( but ditto on the voices. no one understands it, ive actually been told at one time that my voices are pretend. i mean, who wants these fucking annoying things right?? XD people are so ignorant it trips me out!
ReplyDeletereply: aww im glad my post made you happy that day! :D that, in turn, makes me smile and feel happy as well. to know i made a difference in someone elses day no matter if it is just a moment. i know there is hope for you getting better, everyone has it. i have hope that you will =)
alice-k xxoo